Help In Finding Support

jazzehx
jazzehx Member Posts: 1
in Emotional Support #1

Hello everyone! This is all very new to me. I just found out recently that I have Leukemia and have been in the hospital ever since. I'm not going to lie for that past few days it has been extremely difficult. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I feel like this black storm cloud floating around the Oncology floor. Due to my treatment, it has been hard to get enough sleep or even a few moments of peace. Sometimes I feel I just can't take it anymore. The worst part of it all is that I don't feel I have anyone to really talk to about it. I'm the type of person who is really good at being there for other people but doesn't know how to receive that same kind of emotional support from those close to them. Anytime I have guests I feel like this huge burden who shouldn't talk about how upset they are. I don't want to be the Debbie Downer. But that's also killing me inside. I don't know how I'm even supposed to feel 99% of the time. My doctors and nurses have discussed that I have got some vulnerability issues that I have to work through if I want to be better. It just all seems too difficult right now. Like showing everyone how messed up I am, makes me feel so uncomfortable and guilty. But you know I have cancer! I should be allowed to be messy. So this is something I'm trying to work through right now. I'm trying to stay positive because I'm a logical person. I have faith in my treatment and my doctors but it's dealing with all the other little things. Like not being able to take proper showers, or move around comfortably, or even go outside due to a risk of infection. Right now I should be leaning on other people and putting myself first but it all feels too much. I constantly feel uncomfortable. I miss the old me. I miss who I was two weeks ago. I want her back so bad. And I know she's not really "gone" but I just feel so different now. It makes me sick to my stomach. It does feel good though. At least a little right now to let this out. I think this is the most candid I've been about my situation. Glad I found this network! :)

Comments

  • GingerMay
    GingerMay Member Posts: 134
    #2
    Normal

    Hi Jazzehx and welcome.  This is an overwhelming road to be on & what you express I believe is normal.  Wish I had something great to say, but I hope you find support and comfort here.  Glad you have faith in your doctors and treatment plan because that is key. If you want, reach out to local support groups too.  I found some through brochures at the doctor's office, google searches, MeetMe groups.  Took a while, but finally found a good one and it really helps.  Blessings to you.      

  • Elaine_wi
    Elaine_wi Member Posts: 124 Member
    #3
    Peer Support

    Hello, welcome to our support group. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer I got tremendous emotional support through a mentor that had been through what I am going through. I did a quick search and found a similar peer support group for you through the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society at: https://www.lls.org/support/peer-to-peer-support

    There is a lot of help out there because people want to help. It's really OK to show your vulnerable side. We all have that side within us.

  • JerzyGrrl
    JerzyGrrl Member Posts: 760 Member
    #4
    Here's a crazy idea...

    Here's a crazy idea: See if you can get a kitchen timer (the sillier the better - you know the ones that look like chickens or chubby chefs?). If you can't find a kitchen timer, use the one on your phone. When people come visit or if they call you on the phone, ask if they'll give you a minute (etc) to listen while you whine or dump your load of frustration about one thing. Then they get twice that to whine or tell you something funny or really cool or amazing while you listen. Then, you get to chat about whatever. If you want to give them a gold star or a hero medal for that (and you, too), so much the better. 

    Having a cancer diagnosis is the pits on a good day, especially if you're used to calling the shots. Being the one who does for others IS calling the shots. So - yes - you've got some different life skills to practice for a while. 

    And the thing about feeling guilty for having cancer and feeling guilty? I suspect it's more common than we realize. I felt that way... Then I even felt guilty for feeling guilty! Hmm. I should've drawn and awarded myself a "Feeling Guilty for Feeling Guilty" award. Maybe you can come up with some weird awards (Have some good ones, too). You get extra points if you can have "Hospital Red Jello" in there somewhere. 

    All the best. This cancer stuff is one heck of a learning curve.

  • Caradavin
    Caradavin Member Posts: 49 Member
    #5
    I wish there was a like

    I wish there was a like button. I like JerzyGrrl's idea.

  • Hawaiigirl
    Hawaiigirl Member Posts: 5
    #6
    Elaine_wi said:

    Peer Support

    Hello, welcome to our support group. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer I got tremendous emotional support through a mentor that had been through what I am going through. I did a quick search and found a similar peer support group for you through the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society at: https://www.lls.org/support/peer-to-peer-support

    There is a lot of help out there because people want to help. It's really OK to show your vulnerable side. We all have that side within us.

    Support groups

    i think a support group would be just the thing for you! A mentor who can share there own experiences would probably be the most helpful. 

     

    I could use a support group too. Do you happen to know of any for thyroid cancer?

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