Finally, the tears

Hi, people, because there are ladies and a man here.  Welcome.  I am a cancer patient but unlike you I did not let physicians do what they usually do to patients.  I had my MX and went for consultation with MO and RO.  Since I am still working and my employer do not let regular employees work from home, I decided to pospone infusion chemo and asked the doc for oral chemo.  He said no because it was for metastasized cancer according to protocol.  OK, I said, I'll wait.  

With the ROs, things were worse.  I rejected the tx unless they reduce the dose to 40 Gy and 16 fractions (rounds).  We are at an impasse now.  I am only with the hormone therapy; I recently change medication since with anastrozole my CAs were increasing instead of going down and that is a bad sign.  Arthritic pains flared up and I am in constant pain. The drug is calcifying ny tendons so I had to add an orthopedic surgeon to the team.

I live alone but I don't feel alone.  No, I don't want to be a burden to anyone since every person I know has a life of his/her own.  I know they care for me and that's enough.   I haven't had time to cry and ask why.  But the knowledge of a cancer inside my body, of a new cyst and lump in my other breast accompany me and makes me sad.  I have told my friends and church members that I have not asked God why or for what because a year later I am not prepared to hear his answer. Anyway, knowing it won't change the fact or the pain.  I think this is a very expensive disease with expensive procedures and treatments which plans do not want to pay and with high levels of pain (for example, SLN biopsy or TE implants).  

So, ladies, ventilate as much as you can.  We will all hear you and support you.  I live in a territory of the US but not inland.  Can I find a drug trial with oral chemo that can be watched through Internet?

Maria

HapB said:

MeschII

Thanks, Mesch. Throwing a bit of a pity party here, but nobody seems to be in attendance...LOL. I just think my body is worn out from all the drugs they gave me this week and lack of sleep.  I am so chemically sensitive, I seldom take a Tylenol. I feel shaky today. I am glad my daughter is not here to see me sobbing....she went back to NYC yesterday when I still felt pretty well and I assured her I was just fine. I really do not want to be a burden to her. I had her late in life and she is just getting started in life on her own.  

 

you are not alone anymore. I will communicate with you if you like. Been sick for a long time. Just had mamo today and saw white spot on screen befor turned off. I have so many things going on I feel like I have 20 different kinds of cancer. Getting closer to diagnosis I hope. Swollen lymphs, weak, endless. Thought maybe lukemia or blood disorder of some sort. My daughter is here with me and she is turning to dust. I feel so quilty and try not to cry in front of her. She is an angel but I have not been out of bed in months only to go to doctor after doctor. I can't imagine being alone. But either way so hard.