Dating relationship and cancer

loverose
loverose Member Posts: 1
edited July 2017 in Emotional Support #1

New relationship - Radiation treatments - Workaholic/last priority/irritable - Opinion?

I just started dating an incredible man that I feel like is my soulmate around 2 months ago. We have a very special connection, my biggest concern about him was that he's an extreme workaholic. 3 weeks ago he shared with me that he is in early stage curable cancer and just started going through radiation treatment with chemo in the future.  I feel deeply for him and want to be there for him. Although our time dating has been short, I feel that we can get through this together and see our relationship through to brighter days.

However in the last 2 weeks, he's been so busy with work (hardly calls, returns messages, or even makes plans to see me even shortly). Between his workaholicism, radiation fatigue, kids, friends, and then relationship feels like his last priority. I've expressed we can just be a casual relationship, but I'll still be there for him so there are no expectations during this time. But he took it as if I wanted to breakup because he has cancer, old and not good enough.

Ive been trying to reassure him by putting extra efforts to just be there cheery in the lobby when he is in radiation treatment. I see him everyday for 5 minutes in the morning then he rushes off to work. Everytime, he tells me to NOT come anymore because its a waste of my time. In reality, it makes me happy to be there to just physically show him my support. But he's irritable and constantly tells me not to come and I'm starting to have doubts if I am just being annoying when he really does not want me. I've put my needs (of needing more time and reassurance) aside to be understanding of what he's going through. And fact that I'm the last priority to him, I question if I should just leave him alone. It is so new of a relationship, being so devoted is making me feel as if I'm naive or desperate. While there are choices, I choose him. There's so many variables I just dont feel like I understand.

As a cancer patient/survivor in regards to relationships.....what's going through your thoughts on this? Is a relationship/support not important? Am I just being annoying?

Thank you for your thoughts. <3

Comments

  • JerzyGrrl
    JerzyGrrl Member Posts: 760 Member
    edited July 2017 #2
    On a good day...

    Workaholics have issues (I should know; I'm a recovering workaholic). Being ultra busy helps - or we like to fool ourselves into thinking it helps - stuff the pain of having to deal with a whole slew of other issues. So, even without a cancer diagnosis and treatment plan, dealing with folks like us can be challenging. And, if he's still in the busy busy mode, even moreso.

    He sure is sending out mixed signals - being "dumped" by you because he's old and sick poor him, yet your being there is a waste of time, etc? I suppose you might ask him what he means by your dropping in on him being a waste of time. You might also ask yourself how healthy this is for you. And - what sort of "cheery" is it that you're being? Some people don't need or want cheery, other folks do. And silence is often OK, too.

    Did you have anything that was your "thing" together? I'm thinking maybe something you both thought was cute, or funny, or stupid? If so, maybe back off a wee bit, but send him notes with squirrels in top hats (or whatever it was). Be upbeat or connect that way some of the time. So, you're still hanging around, but in a different way. 

    Wish I had something with more sparkles in it for an answer, but unfortunately I don't. All the best, whatever you end up doing, whatever ends up happening. 

     

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