New to forum...daughter has breast cancer

What Stage was she diagnosed with?

You have my prayer with you for fighting along with the cancer for your daughter. And I feel sad for your loss Joseph, I have been through that sort of pain earlier when I lost my mother due to cancer. We have a family history for cancer patients. I am a caregiver for my sister who was diagnosed at stage 2 last year. We have approached the Best doctor for breast cancer in New York for her treatment. Currently, they suggested for the radiation therapy Suffolk for her. She will be finishing her last few sessions soon.

Mountainmama said:

My daughter is to begin chemo

My daughter is to begin chemo the 10th of this month, it has taken some time from dx to surgery, to infection, to PT and now the treatment can begin.  Cancer changes family dynamics, and the impact on her children, spouse and family is quite the roller coaster ride.  We each respond to the changes in different ways.  My grandchildren are ages 17, 5 and 1 1/2.  She and her husband have been married for less than 1 year, and there have been days of complete chaos in all of our lives.

I am a home health aid and have been a part of many different scenarios.  For the most part, I can divorce myself from the disease(s), and try to give not only physical care, but emotional and spiritual care.  I believe that communication is one of the keys for co-hesiveness in my daughter's care and her journey with cancer.  Unfortunately, I have stood pretty much alone on this platform.

Cancer changes everything; and yet, beneath all the concerns, fears, anger, changes...there we are with all of our character defects, assets and life times of experiences. It doesn't seem our basic personalities go away, but are sometimes enhanced and at other times erode.  

My daughter and I have a history that has taken years to improve and become harmonious.  Harmony is not one of the keys of the day.  The family dynamics are all out of whack.  It is very difficult to experience her anger, and still remain intact.  It has taken me 3+ months to return to some sanity and peace of mind.

I spent so much time trying to understand and comfort my family and finally came to grips with the fact, that there is nothing I can do, but that it is essential that I take care of myself first, so I can be of service to them.  I am fortunate because I have recovery in 12 step programs and know what I need to do to stay in balance, with a lot of help from my friends and God.  I am a slow learner, but am capable of change.

I will be going to chemo with her, as she will be using the cold cap, and will need my help.  I have some anxiety, and any advice you may have to offer.  I love her, and want to be there for her.

Thanks to one and all for being here.

 

 

 

 

My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer 2 years ago and went through 11 months of chemotherapy and hormone therapy.
She was 36 and we have 3 young kids.

Here is what I learned as a caregiver during that time:

1. Dont let her drive.  In the beginning, my wife was fine.  But the drugs they gave her really knocked
her down.  You have to drive her to and from these appointments and pretty much anywhere else.

2. My wife was bored...big time.  Find your daughter something to do.  I got my wife a large cross-stitch
kit and she worked on it regularly.  Find something...anything for your daughter to do.

3. My wife slept too much.  She slept anywhere from 12-16 hours a day.  There is not much you can
do here; just be aware that excessive sleeping is normal and dont let her drive.

4. My wife said she couldnt taste anything.  She was never interested in fancy foods.  I made soup
and homemade bread every day for 11 months.  Find simple foods at the store to make meals.

5. My wife lost her hair in week 3 so order some of those hats that cover the head now.  There are
lots of websites that sells nice looking hats for people going through chemotherapy.  I ordered 2
hats and she put them in the closet and never used them until the day all of her hair fell out.  She
then immediately put on one of those hats and never took it off for 11+ months.  Order some hats now.

6. Talk to the oncologist and find out what drugs/medicine they plan on giving your daughter.
My wife took tamoxifen and tamoxifen has some very serious side effects and can cause ovarian
cancer (search online and you can read about this drug).  Study the drugs your daughter plans on
taking and dont hesistate to ask the oncologist "why this drug?".

7. Before ever going to a clinic, my wife was angry and awful to be around.  We came home from
the hospital after the birth of our 3rd child and my wife went to live in the basement fulltime.  She
rarely left the basement, and when she did, she was very angry and impossible to deal with.  I had
a 6 year old, 4 year old, and 1 day old to take care of and someone had to pay the bills.  It
took 2 years before my wife's sister visited and got her to go to a clinic where she was eventually
diagnosed with cancer.  During chemotherapy, she slept and the job of the caregiver, in my opinion,
was not difficult.  I gave her rides to the clinic and made dinner (she didnt eat breakfast or lunch
even though it was offered) and I talked to her.  After chemotherapy, she was in good spirits for about
2 months and then she became very angry again and has been that way since.  For me, its been 2
years since chemotherapy and its still very difficult.

The point of the story is, the role of the caregiver during chemotherapy is not hard.  Just my opinion!
You go through the motions and give rides and try to find your daughter something to do.  Eventually
the chemotherapy stops and the role of the caregiver begins (in my opinion).  Does your daughter get
off the couch or bed and start getting involved with things again or does she go back to her old ways?
You hope for the best but prepare for the worst.