Total shock

I'm not even really sure why I'm here - but reading other stories is helping me and I hope to get some sort of hope out of this (whatever type is possible)

My mom is 74 and has had numerous health issues over the years (Rhumatoid Arthritis and COPD being the main ones)  She was also a smoker almost her whole life until a few months ago.

6 months ago she started sleeping all the time, not wantint to eat, and was having fainting spells (many put her in the hospital - broke her leg, re-broke it while it was healing, concussion, etc)

The last time she feel, only 4 weeks ago, they did a chest x-ray to see if she had pneumonia - that's when they saw the tumor.  She was admitted and we quickly got the diagnosis - Stage 4 non small cell adenocarcinoma.  The Dr's did a great job explaining what that meant but we still had hope that some time still existed.

She went into a rebab/skilled nursing facility.  We met with an oncologist who at first recommended chemotherapy (obviously not to cure it but just to make her more comfortable and maybe give us some more time.)

That quickly changed to her needing radiation first.

Then she came down with pneumonia and back to the ICU she went.  Her tumor had grown so much (in 2 weeks) that the lower half of her left lung is completely blocked.  This was causing heart arythmia's and now she can barely speak - sounds like Darth Vaydar.

She had her first treatment of radiation directly on the tumor last night - the plan was 13 days of radiation, hoping to open up the lung a bit.

Now, the next day, they are changing it to 13 treatments every other day and told me and my brothers that they aren't sure she'll survive long enough to complete the radiation.  So now it's up to my mom to decide if she wants to continue when we don't know if it will or or if it does how much it will help, or go into a long term care facility/hospice.

I understand death, I thought I understood cancer.  My partner had non-hodgkins lymphoma when he was 32 - had a year of misery (chemo/radiation) and has been fine ever since! - 14 years ago!

I saw the chest x-rays of my mom and can't get over how quickly this went from "horrible" to "she's about to die" - I'm just in shock.

I'm not even really sure what questions I have - maybe just writing it out is in someway helping me process it.  I love my mom so much and the most important thing is I don't want her in pain.  So far she hasn't had much (or she has and is just not expressing it).  She's in surgery now having a tube put into her lung, like a spicket, that can let fluid out (hopefully this will make her more comforatble.)

I'm just a son at a total loss for actual thought right now.

God bless you all and any family going through a cancer battle. If you have a chance a prayer for my mom would be appreciated.  I'm really not sure how much longer she'll be around.

Donny