Baby steps back to normal life

Becca, you're speaking for most of us who've been through this and describing the sense of uncertainty we experience very well. Thank you for starting this conversation. I think that those who've not had to travel this road often find it hard to understand why we don't simply resume our previous life with everything back to where it was before. For me my whole understanding of myself and what I see as priorities has changed. For better or worse I do now think of myself as a person who has had (and in my case, once again has) cancer. That sense of uncertainty has very much marked my life beginning with my initial diagnosis and, like you, after I was told I was NED. I too have the physical reminders of treatment such as neuropathy. I understand what you're saying about feeling less carefree than before. It's hard to resume a happy, carefree life again once the other shoe has actually dropped. As a result of my diagnosis (and now with a recurrence) I've also found myself rethinking my philosophy of life and priorities. I have decided that "living in the moment" and thinking less about long term plans is important for me. I'm trying to savor the moments of joy when they occur and to hold on to them. I also have become closer to family and, living at a distance from my family members, am prioritizing travel to spend time with them. I don't know that this is a better or worse place to be than where I was pre-cancer but cancer has definitely resulted in me being in a different place than I was before. 

Hey becca its good to hear from you.  Im glad you are getting on with your job an life.  I too think my family thinks all is well at times.  But truly that dumb reacurance word goes through my mind too.  In fact I have my first cat scan in about two weeks i think it is.  How can a person not think about the possability of a reacurance.  I hope mine is clear in June and all is well.

I wish you well as you keep going forward and make sure you enjoy your car.

Love,Janae

Becca, I was diagnosed in Jan 2014, and did surgery, radiation, chemo and my first recurrence occurred within 6 months.  Two more chemos, and NED and the next recurrence was within two months.  I have basically been in some kind of treatment on and off for almost the whole 4 years.  It turned my life inside/out but most of the changes I made personally were positive changes that improved my life a lot.  Beyond that, it finally dawned on me that we all go through moments of fear, and depression but the reality is that almost nothing happens quickly with this disease.  So long as you stay focused on taking care of yourself and staying as healthy as you can, there is generally time to figure out what the appropriate next step should be, or wait for the right answers to work themselves out.  You really have to be totally engaged in the things that bring you joy and happiness, and you have to have a list of things that you can pick up and do in those times when you are low.  You owe it to yourself to work yourself out of those spots because they carry a chemistry that is not good for us.  For me, I will watch a funny movie, or turn on the lights and read something light or inspirational, or I will pick up needlepoint or knitting which takes most of my concentration.  Eventually dark clouds will pass.  And you can always write to us on the Board.  We are great listeners! - Hugs., Helen

We all belong to a sisterhood we wish had skipped us, but alas it did not. I am feeling frustration at the moment with blood clots in lungs just when I had completed chemo and was ready to celebrate. Now on blood thinner and looking at a new set of problems. At 77, one measures quality of life more than anything and we all have had to adjust again and again. My family is my rock and let me say, my 2 son in laws have gone way beyond the call, as one is giviing me my shots until I woman up and learn to do them myself !  Life has many surprises indeed.

I am 2 1/2 years NED. I agree with what has already been said. There is a new normal, a recurrance stays on my mind (sometimes in the back & sometimes it pushes its self to the front), lasting aftereffects of treatments.  BUT so blessed to be here! Every day gives me another chance to enjoy my family and make sure they know how much I love them,

Hope & prayers, Barb

I am one year NED and most of my days are wonderful even with neuropathy and bowel issues. Yes, I still worry about reoccurrence, but I'm so thankful to have this group to voice those fears. Correct there are few friends that really understand this except I am lucky enough to have two cancer survivor friends who do understand. Bless us all with our new normal.