The things people say....good article

HapB
HapB Member Posts: 527
in Breast Cancer #1

I received this article in an email from Healthline today. I can really relate to it and I thought I would share it.  I know people mean well, but it can be maddening to hear the things people say ......

http://www.healthline.com/health/breast-cancer/understanding-managing/what-i-wish-people-would-stop-telling-me?utm_source=Sailthru Email&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=breastcancer#1

Comments

  • peony
    peony Member Posts: 306 Member
    #2
    The link didn't work, but I

    The link didn't work, but I know I hate it when someone says, "a woman on my job had it and she seems ok. You'll be fine."   Everyone's experience with cancer is different and personal.  Don't assume that just because you've seen one case (from a distance), you know all about it.   

     

  • HapB
    HapB Member Posts: 527
    #3
    peony said:

    The link didn't work, but I

    The link didn't work, but I know I hate it when someone says, "a woman on my job had it and she seems ok. You'll be fine."   Everyone's experience with cancer is different and personal.  Don't assume that just because you've seen one case (from a distance), you know all about it.   

     

    Gee, the link worked for me...

    it was a good article written by a BC patient who has a great blog! 

  • camul
    camul Member Posts: 2,537
    #4
    I like the ones wh, and remind myself they either mean well or h

    de ide if I change my diet and run or join a gym I could be cured.  I am stage iv and it is in lungs bones brain connective tissue and I am on hospice.  Or why did you give up and go on hospice.

    Or they list everyone they have ever known or friends of friends who have died and how horrible I think was...  sometimes I have to walk away because I am laughing.

  • HapB
    HapB Member Posts: 527
    #5
    Keep Laughing, Camul

    I would like to think that people mean well, but sometimes, I think they are blaming me for having cancer...or tryong to convince themselves that it could never happen to them! Sort of the same when I discovered my husband of 20 years was a cheater......same type of advice which is really meant to convince themselves that it could not happen to them. Whateva! 

  • Apaugh
    Apaugh Member Posts: 850 Member
    #6
    You can do this!!!...

    I love these people.  They are a nervous wreck over it. They say the craziest things out of nervousness.  YOU CAN DO THIS!  Yah, well like i have a choice.  I want to say, Yes, I know I can, could you?  I dont wish it on my worst enemy.  I find you usually end up consoling them. 

    When my son got ill, my mother, my grandmother within 3 yrs of each other.  A boss of mine said, "what did you ever do that God hates you that bad?"   I replied, in a not so nice fashion that God did not give cancer to my family and that I served a loving and gracious God.   Then I told him to never speak to me that way again. 

    Some people ask me, how i can still believe in God after all the terrible things that have happend in my life and I look at them and answer, How can I not?  Without God, I could not get through this terrible time and times in my life.   I will forever trust in my Lord.

    I am alone now, not all relationships survive a big thing like cancer.  but that is ok.   I am strong and like most of us on here, where there is a will, there is a way to get through it. 

    Hug

    Annie

  • HapB
    HapB Member Posts: 527
    #7
    The things people say

    When I was diagnosed with this cancer, which is my 3d cancer in 6 years. I wanted to scream with anger. I think anger sometimes is a perfectly healthy emotion. To hear someone tell me to "be positive" was so insensitive to me. I can't explain it, but it felt like a complete dismissal of my reality and so condescending. I am a positive person, after surviving two cancers and all the surgery and treatment already. I would have to be a happy idiot not to have real emotions upon hearing another cancer diagnosis. This too shall pass. trouble is like a sieve that only real friends can pass through. 

  • Apaugh
    Apaugh Member Posts: 850 Member
    #8
    Hap

    I am glad you said that about people thinking they had to give you the "be positive" speach when they had not a clue as to how it feels.  I use to be one of those people that had no clue.  I took care of many people with cancer over the years.  It was not until I got cancer did I really know.  Yes, I too am a positive person but your have your days.  It is a roller coaster of emotions.  You have to be tough but that does not mean your not allowed to feel and to vent. 

    Keep hangin in there,

    Annie

     

     

  • Anxious One
    Anxious One Member Posts: 3
    edited October 2017 #9
    I hate to say it, but

    I hate to say it, but sometimes to this day I resent the fact that women around me don't have cancer too.  Men have been nicer to me than women. I am an introvert, and all the extraverted women wout cancer have so nosed into my business and asked me point blank questions I have never gotten over! For the first time in my life I lied to protect myself.  I live in a small town and would like to have kept a few parts of my life and body private. No such luck. Even my mother jumped on the bandwagon and told everybody coming and going every.bit of my business.  She goes to church twenty times a week, but lied to me about telling my business nationwide.  I cut my mother off when it came to my cancer. She has since told me how horrible my cancer has been on her, and how did I think she felt when people asked her about my cancer. How about how I felt when hearing gossip about myself on the street?  I don't know how to be close to my mother again, or if I even want to be.

  • ballerina06
    ballerina06 Member Posts: 57
    #10
    How about this one

    How about this one! Your son stressing you out is the reason you got cancer! Wow!  This came from my mom. She said she has a book for every disease and the reason we get them! I told her if stress is the reason everyone would get bc.

  • HapB
    HapB Member Posts: 527
    #11
    ballerina06 said:

    How about this one

    How about this one! Your son stressing you out is the reason you got cancer! Wow!  This came from my mom. She said she has a book for every disease and the reason we get them! I told her if stress is the reason everyone would get bc.

    Stress and cancer

    Ballerina, there is actually a good deal of research that indicates that long term chronic stress does correlate with cancer. I was in a woman’s group when I was getting divorced and there was an expression, “ lose a husband, lose a breast”. The leader said there was a high correlation with long term family stress and breast cancer. Ironically, years later, many of us did get cancer. I am not saying that yur son caused cancer. We all had stressful times raising kids, especially the teenage years. 

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