Should I tell my parents?

Zami
Zami Member Posts: 1
in Breast Cancer #1

My wife has cancer.

my siblings tell me not to tell MY sick parents.

my wife, who I love more than anything, thinks it's wrong.

i want to support her and tell them but deal for their health.

from your experience, should I tell? How to tell Them?

 

Comments

  • Beepositive
    Beepositive Member Posts: 259 Member
    edited May 2017 #2
    everybody have their own opinion and know their family

    Hello Zami..first sorry to hear your Wife has Cancer...Blessings and Prayer for her!  everyone has their on reasons for telling their story and who and when to tell it to!  I did NOT tell my mom the whole story because she is 80 years old and has a heart condition and other issues she is doing GREAT and I want to keep her that way .  she know I had breast surgery to remove some cist (I had that done years ago also) and she know IM recovering from the surgery. i did not tell her i had left breast Mastectomy due to breast cancer it was stage 3 due to size of mass and several lymph nodes were removed. I told all my siblings and they agree with me ..no need to bring any additional stress on mom. all ct scan and bone scans etc were clear prior to my surgery in March and only in breast area im on Anti hormone Therapy med and almost done with radiation treatments.  also the type and stage of cancer plays a part in telling also...Do whats best for your family its your wife body and her story....best wishes to you and your family!!!    BEEPOSITIVE  Smile

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #3
    My parents were both gone

    My parents were both gone when I found out i had cancer. I had life time older friends I considered my stand in parents. I DID NOT tell them, UNTIL I knew exaclty what was going on. I wanted to have more info-both their daughter (MY GOOD friend bothh agreed to wait to tell)

     

    IT worked out for my situation.

     

    SOMEONE my slip at some point and the shock may be worse the knowing-from you.

     

    JUST MY OPINION

  • HapB
    HapB Member Posts: 527
    edited May 2017 #4
    Zami

    Sorry your wife was diagnosed with this. As far as whether to tell your parents, it depends on whether you see them frequently and also whether they will wonder why you are not yourself and not available for them. I am a mother. My daughter decided recently that she wasn't going to tell me about some things that were going wrong in her life because I have cancer. Well, for 2 weeks now, I have been worried sick about her because I know her so well and I knew something was wrong. I finally told her that I have been losing sleep worrying about her and that she needed to tell me what was wrong. Mothers know their children and we have a 6th sense about them. If that is the case for you, I would tell them something like this,"Mom and Dad, my wife has been diagnosed with Breast cancer. She has great doctors and she is very strong . We don't want you to worry, but we could sure use your prayers and I want you to understand that I may be a little preoccuppied with her. We love you very much and all will be well." Just a suggestion. You want to reassure them that there are lots of good treatments these days! 

    Your wife is lucky to have you to help her through this!! 

  • Double Whammy
    Double Whammy Member Posts: 2,832 Member
    edited May 2017 #5
    Do you know what treatments, etc. are?

     

     

    And,I did not tell my children until I knew what to expect.  My prognosis was good so it really wasn't difficult for me to tell them, but we didn't tell them until when we knew the plan and the facts.  In fact, we didn't tell anyone.   I was also afraid they would hear from someone else.  My son is currently dealing with some health issues that have really put me over the edge, so I understand how upset parents can get when one of their children is ill.  I guess you need to ask yourself if there is a need for your parents to be told (if they live close or on the other side of the world), do you think they would want to know, your wife's prognosis, and whether there is a chance someone will tell them.  You don't have to tell them every little detail, but it might be reassuring for them to know some of the basic facts, especially if she is in the best of hands by her physicians and you.  Protecting a parent does not necessarily mean not sharing, in fact, they might feel honored that you are letting them know and you've got it covered.  Just choose your words wisely and kindly and wait until you know more information than "my wife has cancer!". 

    And, of course, only you can decide whether they should know or not.   Best of luck to you both.

     

  • camul
    camul Member Posts: 2,537
    edited May 2017 #6
    I waited to tell my mom

    As she had a stroke shortly before I was initially diagnosed and she had head and neck cancer.  When we knew when the mastectomy was scheduled and all the info we told her.  She did well with it but was worried and in a nursing home. I had to tell her as I saw her daily on my split shift from work and knew I couldn't be there regularly.

    I would discuss it with your sibs and like Suzanne says, come up with a plan on how to address it. I wasn't going to tell my mom but my sibs knew she would be more upset if she found out that I didn't tell her!

    Best to your wife and family.

     

  • Apaugh
    Apaugh Member Posts: 850 Member
    #7
    telling your parents...

    I did not tell anyone until I knew the who, what, where, and how.  I had all the info along with the plan of action.  I reminded them to stick with the facts and dont let their minds start to wonder.  Even though I wanted to scream and cry like a sis, I put on a brave face and I still do.  I knew if I did not tell them and they found out any other way, I would of felt bad and they would worry too much.  

    Hugs,

    Annie

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