Helping husband come to terms with colostomy

I had the same cancer and treatment as he did 4 years ago. He has to be patient. It will take up to a year for this to feel natural. You have to try different products to find the perfect one. You have to avoid eating food with a lot of fiber and spice. Go to UOAA.com for more info. 

I do a few new things that make it possible for me to feel comfortable. When you are ready to know more you can private message me.

its hard to see it now, but in a few months he will be in much better shape. I'm comfortable, work, travel, date, be intimate and the colostomy is just a little inconvenience in my life.

All the best,

Laz

I have an illeostemy, not a colonostemy, so mine is different and isn't permanent. But I felt horrible about it at first and I remember crying to my husband and saying I looked like Frankenstein. The first time the bag had to be changed at home he did it for my while I cried. The second time I did it myself and have continued to do so. I loathed it for the first year. I felt different and freakish. Then I got used to it and realized that it was better than the IBS I'd always had. Now I have chosen not to have it reversed. I can but I'm not going to. Life is easier with it than it would be without it.

I'm not sure there's anything you can do to help. Just act like it's no big deal and never make him think you're upset by it. It's his new reality and it's helping save his life. We are lucky to have this option as part of treatment and coping with this cancer. I suspect I'd have had a harder time if I knew mine was permanent and I had no choice. Possibly knowing I could have it reversed has helped. The fact that he had no choice could be part of it. And I suspect men feel like it's somewhat emasculating. Or a visible indication of how vulnerable they (and we all) are. Men like to be tough, the bag looks like a weakness, something like that.

He'll learn to deal with it eventually, I hope. I joke about mine now. I joke about how I never pass wind and how I carry around a bag of my onw stomach contents. Kind of gross but whatever. If people are offended they can just suck it up. I'm the one who has to live with it. I'm trying to make it a normal thing and not something creepy. I hate people feeling badly for me so I try to make the whole cancer thing be just something that I deal with, not the big, scary C word that makes people scared to get checked out in case they have it.

Anyways, I hope you're able to help your husband come to terms with a reality that many people have also had to deal with. I was also scared of mine at first. Could I ride my horse? Could I wear certain clothes? It made me feel vulnerable. I've found that I can do anything I want and I wear looser tops to hide it in case it puffs up. I don't know where the colostemy sits so that may not be an issue. I have a friend that has a colostemy and I'd never have known if she hadn't told me.

Good luck!

Jan

 Had stage two colorectal cancer. I  had  an illeostemy for about 7 weeks waiting for my second surgery, the reversal. I can honestly say it was not that bad but I had a cancerous tumor and was told by my cancer doctor to prepare for a colostomy because of where the tumor was sitting.  I had a great surgeon. Was told he was one of the best in this state. He told me we are going for a cure and after five weeks of chemo and radiation my tumor did shrink enough to wear they were able to do a reversal. I just wanted them to get rid of the cancer.... I could of dealt with the Illeostemy or colostomy. I wish him the best. Prayers going out to you both.