Helping a Lymphoma Survivor with Guilt

Rocquie said:

Botanicallover

I'm glad you have decided to join our group and I hope we can help you. I'm so sorry your boyfriend's emotions are all over the place and I honor you for wanting to help him.

I agree with you that he really needs to talk to someone, in a professional setting. Maybe he could start with his family doctor or his oncologist? Does his oncology office have a Oncology Social Worker? Is there a member of his family or a trusted friend you could talk to? I do know that when a person talks about suicide, they should be taken seriously.

My advice to you is to educate yourself about lymphoma, especially since you weren't around when he was going through treatment. There are a number of excellent websites. It will really help if you know what type of lymphoma he had. There are many, many types of lymphoma, some are curable and some are not. All are treatable. The lymphoma I have--follicular--is not curable. Many people with it have many recurrances and it is treated as a chronic disease (not unlike diabetes). 

I wonder why he thinks the boy he knows that is experiencing a reccurrance is not going to make it this time? The fact is that we are all going to die. Receiving a cancer diagnosis puts it right in our face and it gives us a chance to realize what is really important in life and to live life to the fullest. There is much sadness in the world but there is also much beauty and joy. 

I wish you the best and please keep us posted on how things are going.

Hugs,

Rocquie

 

 

Thank you so much for your response.

He told my a few minutes ago that he contacted his psychiatrist that he used to see back home and will hopefully be able to see him sometime this week, the only issue with that is that he only ever goes to see him when he feels he has no other options. I asked if he could see him on a regular basis but he said it's too expensive. I think he knows that he needs help and needs to see someone regularly too but he feels guilty about the money aspect of it because of how much money his parents already had to pay when he was in the hospital and then now with him going to university. It's hard with the whole seeing someone too because he currently lives 4 hours away from home so he'd have to either find someone here or go home which would be difficult.

I'm not sure what type of lymphoma he had, I just know it was non hodgkins and I'm not even sure what that means. I don't want to ask him about it in fear that it might make things worse, but I do think it would help me feel more comfortable knowing more about it. I've been considering reaching out to his mom lately just to talk to someone who knows him and see if she has any advice but I'm nervous about it since I've only talked to her a couple times. From what I remember him saying, he said that a lot of times the kind of cancer (not sure if he was referring to lymphoma in general or the specific type) can come back as a much more aggressive form or something.

I try to remind him that living his best life now might help him escape some of the feelings of guilt or that he's not doing anything with his second chance at life, but it doesn't seem to work because he's so paralyzed by his negative thoughts.

I can't tell you how much I appreciate your response, I've been feeling very alone with this and it's so comforting to hear back from someone who has been in a similar situation.