Finished treatment yesterday.

Hi there!

I just wanted to let you know that I am in the same place as you, just a tad further ahead. I finished treatment on March 2nd, and have since had a DRE (doc claims he felt nothing there), and a PET/CT that revealed nothing "concerning" to 3 of my doctors. This seems like good news, right? And I'm trying to take it that way, but I feel exactly like you and Mollymaude...should I be doing more? What else can I do to make sure it's gone. I am flabbergasted some days that I am just sitting here waiting to know what's next. I try to take it one day at a time and luckily my job, husband and children keep me busy, but I still have a cry day here or there. It is perfectly ok for you to have one or a couple if you need them! You deserve them after all you've been through! I wish nothing but good results for you from here on out. 

-Amy

My last treatment date was April 10.  I was so glad my treatment was done but it also began a new period with new side affects and nothing to do.  During the treatment I had a reason to get out of bed, get dressed and go to war on the cancer via radiation.  Now I stay home with my side effects, trying to do at least one normal thing a day and waiting in limbo until June to see if it works.  Life is on hold until then.

I think the hardest part, besides waiting to see if it worked, is a lost of the old me.  this experience has changed me.  there is lots of good in the new me but I really miss the old sarcastic, impatient me.  

I know what you mean about people think it is all over when it isn't.  I made a good decision in to keep people calling and asking how I am, I started a blog where I was honest about the side effects and how long it takes to heal etc.  It worked out well.  Many commented how they appreciated how open I have been and gave them an sight they seldom experience.  Don't you hate when people ask how you are?  Sometimes I am bratt And tell them ALL about my side effect.  They would usually back away when I started telling them about the need to scream when using the toilet.

Hope you have nothing but clear scans.

I remember this phase so clearly from 2011 when I had radiation for breast cancer.  First of all I had a big snafu toward the end.  My rad onc told me on Monday of my final week (week five) that I was going to need an extra week (week six).  Then I came in on Wednesday of week five and they released me!  And she was on vacation and unreachable.  So I was done, not feeling done, but wishing I was done long ago - it was VERY confusing!  But truly it's just time that gets you through this.  I did help me in one way because it made me really angry - an emotion I could really feel!

Two things did help (in addition to all the pain relief things that you are already doing).  One was to take walks.  I know . . . you have to start really slow and build up.  Go out one block and back.  Then go AROUND a block and gradually repeating that block when you can, so you are never more than two blocks from home (or the car).  The exercise really helps everything WHEN you can do it.  I'm not saying do it before you CAN do it.  Lube up first for the chafing.

The other thing was journaling.  I have this technique where I interview myself.  I write down: so how are you feeling?  Or I write: what do you feel you have lost?  Anything to tap the flow of thoughts and feelings.  And then answer.  When one runs dry, ask another question.  Go up and down the page as you think of more things.  There is nothing wrong with feelings - it's really important to experience them fully, even wallow a little bit, then get up and go for that walk or do whatever needs to be done.  Many studies have found that "identifying" feelings really helps us cope with them.  They often feel like such a jumble.  Breaking them out and examining each one really helps.

Thank you so much for posting this as it helps us all.  I haven't begun treatment for the anal cancer yet - still gathering info.  But I am already grateful for every sharing.  Best of luck to you, and I too am with you.  It seems to me you are exactly where most of us have been at the end of treatment.  Gradually you will start to recognize yourself again and know how to put it all into a constantly changing perspective.

Congratulations on finishing treatment! And I'm glad the posts have helped. One of the things that has occurred to me is that I think I was expecting to feel "cured" and feel invincible to cancer again (naive to think that I know now). My family did not have cancer. I had two relatives that got cancer after they were in their 70's and that's it. Now strokes and dementia, those I worried about since that's what my family tends to get. It literally never occurred to me that I would get cancer, and I now know I will never feel "invincible" again. I wouldn't say I'm worried the cancer will come back, but I'm definately aware it can. And I'm aware of this everyday. And if I should forget I have plenty of reminders in the form of radiation damage (proctitis, bleeding, lactose intolerance, low energy days, vaginal stenosis, etc, etc) to remind me. So for better or worse you never return to the precancer you.

On the plus side life is sweeter and I think I'm much more grateful for living, my family and friends, and just everyday things. I enjoy being able to be able bodied again and do laundry (!!!). My gardening and flowers and flea markets and even my job are enjoyable in a way they weren't before. 

I am scheduled for MRI and CT scans June 12. My radonc said we will be able to tell if it "didn't "work. Whatever that means.Not sure what other tests they will do, but I know I will be seeing medical oncologist, radon and surgeon at some point with several check ups every few months. 

Mollymaude said:

Tabbysmom

Congratulations on finishing treatment! And I'm glad the posts have helped. One of the things that has occurred to me is that I think I was expecting to feel "cured" and feel invincible to cancer again (naive to think that I know now). My family did not have cancer. I had two relatives that got cancer after they were in their 70's and that's it. Now strokes and dementia, those I worried about since that's what my family tends to get. It literally never occurred to me that I would get cancer, and I now know I will never feel "invincible" again. I wouldn't say I'm worried the cancer will come back, but I'm definately aware it can. And I'm aware of this everyday. And if I should forget I have plenty of reminders in the form of radiation damage (proctitis, bleeding, lactose intolerance, low energy days, vaginal stenosis, etc, etc) to remind me. So for better or worse you never return to the precancer you.

On the plus side life is sweeter and I think I'm much more grateful for living, my family and friends, and just everyday things. I enjoy being able to be able bodied again and do laundry (!!!). My gardening and flowers and flea markets and even my job are enjoyable in a way they weren't before. 

Good advice and insights Mollymaude.  Thanks.

Wisteria83 said:

Being able to tell if it didn't work

It sounds like if they still see the tumor they will assume that it didn't work.  But...if they don't see it that means that it did.  What if they see it and it's smaller?  That I guess would mean that it worked some, but not completely. but it's my understanding that the radiation keeps working after treatment ends and it can take months to know for sure.  I wish there was an easier way to know for sure.

My radiation oncologist told me that radiation continues to work for about 6 months after treatment ends.