My mother just told me she has cancer!

Ty_32417
Ty_32417 Member Posts: 1
in Breast Cancer #1

Hello friends,

My mother had a biopsy on her breast this past Monday. She was told to call her doctor if she hadn't heard anything in 2-3 days. When she called, on Thursday, the nurse told her that the doctor wanted to see her in person, the next day. My father took her in to see the doctor on Friday and when I called her to find out what the results were, she simply said, "Well, honey, the doctor told me that I have cancer. He wants me to see a specialist next week. He told me not to worry. Don't worry honey, everything is going to be alright." I wanted to go to her immediately, but my sister was already there, asking questions and talking to the specialist on the phone. I have an estranged relationship with my sister, so I didn't go over. I also felt, that my parents had already had too much going on for that day. My husband and I will be with my parents tomorrow but I don't even know where to begin...I have been crying a lot and praying, but I really can't find the proper words to comfortably express what I need to say. I don't know how to talk about this with my mother without getting too emotional. My mother is a very, very strong lady and I have only see her cry a few times in all of my 56 years. She is going to be 88 in May, God bless her, and is a very happy and faithful person. How should I approach this?

 

Comments

  • Teach76
    Teach76 Member Posts: 354 Member
    #2
    With love!

    I am glad that you were able to find this site.  As you can read, a cancer diagnosis is an indication that some intervention is needed in our lives.  There are so many different stages and levels - breast cancer can be anything from a small tumor that can be removed to a cancer that has spread through the lymph nodes.  You need to listen and learn where your Mom is in her disease, then listen more as to options.

       As to dealing with her, always be positive. . . " you've got this".  If at all possible, even though it may be one of the most difficult things you do in your life, consider reaching out to your sister.  If your Mom decides on treatment, you will all need to support one another.  You are adults, and for your mother's sake, I am sure she would want to see you work things out.  Even if it is just communication to arrange visits and transportation to doctors and treatments, I hope that you can work things out.

     

         Just take a deep breath - you can not get upset about what you do NOT know.  Try to be the sunshine and hugs in the situation - love is a powerful healer!

    peace and prayers

     

     

     

     

  • Beepositive
    Beepositive Member Posts: 259 Member
    edited March 2017 #3
    Teach76 said:

    With love!

    I am glad that you were able to find this site.  As you can read, a cancer diagnosis is an indication that some intervention is needed in our lives.  There are so many different stages and levels - breast cancer can be anything from a small tumor that can be removed to a cancer that has spread through the lymph nodes.  You need to listen and learn where your Mom is in her disease, then listen more as to options.

       As to dealing with her, always be positive. . . " you've got this".  If at all possible, even though it may be one of the most difficult things you do in your life, consider reaching out to your sister.  If your Mom decides on treatment, you will all need to support one another.  You are adults, and for your mother's sake, I am sure she would want to see you work things out.  Even if it is just communication to arrange visits and transportation to doctors and treatments, I hope that you can work things out.

     

         Just take a deep breath - you can not get upset about what you do NOT know.  Try to be the sunshine and hugs in the situation - love is a powerful healer!

    peace and prayers

     

     

     

     

    Hello TY 32417

    hello TY ! Welcome to the site! I am new to this also just found out I had breast cancer two months ago (see my info on "New to Me" under this breast cancer link)

    we sometime, not forget, but dont realize how much it effects our love ones this type of bomb shell ! I have sisters and a daughter etc and they are concerned I am very positive person and the most you can do for your mom is to ...BE THERE FOR HER call her , go with her to appointments or make sure someone is there to hear all doctors have to say..its always a lot of information and good to have other ears around..and foHopefully you and your sister can put whatever aside focus on your mom! (im sure she will want all of you and your support right now)   Good Luck to you and your mom and Family..Together you can get thru it!!!  Be strong for her..I know when I first found out I was more concerned with telling my family especially my mom and daughter (I told my sisters all but limited some of the info to my daughter and mom she is 80 and doing find dont what to worry her so much) I just had my surgery on March 7, 2017 and left breast mastectomy and had some lot of nodes removed cancer (did CT scans and bones scan prior to surgery nothing there THANK God) and about to start radiation and some other treatments and also started breast reconstruction during the surgery (lot going on at same time)   I am very positive and know things could be a lot worst if i did not request additional testing after my last mamo because i knew something did not feel right.....Stay Strong for your MOM and put aside difference with all and focus on Mom and her needs.   God Bless and much success to your Mom!     BEEPositive!!Cool

  • Apaugh
    Apaugh Member Posts: 850 Member
    #4
    I remember..

    I remember the first time my mother told me she had cancer, I fell apart and blubbered all over her.  Mom was not a huggy type person and stood stiff as a board.  Mom's cancer came back 4 more times in a 15 year period.  She would tell me each time and I would sit down so I would not pass out.  I would tear up a little and she would hand me a tissue.  We would make a cup of tea and her famous words were, "well, let us just stick to the facts."  So we did.  She was being so brave for me.  She was right though, you do need to stick to the facts.  I went to all of her appointments because we figured two heads were better than one to ask questions and gather info.  However, and this is huge, my mother made the final decision in her care and I learned to respect her choice.  That is very hard to do. 

    I too did not have a good relationship with my sister but, when I was in front of mom, I was very cordial and respectful to my sister and she was to me.  Our love and respect for our mother kept our focus. 

    Keep your focus, your mother needs this for her peace of mind and healing.

    HUG,

    Annie

    PS: over time, mama learned to accept hugs.  :)

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    edited April 2017 #5
    HUGs
     

    HUGs

     

  • HapB
    HapB Member Posts: 527
    #6
    From a Mom

    Hi TY,  I have a daughter and I was just diagnosed with breast cancer. This is my third cancer diagnosis in 6 years. When I was first diagnosed, my daughter was 20 and away at college. My biggest concern was her well being. As a Mom, I want to protect her and I feel repsonsible for her well being. I love her so much and do not want to see her sad or stressed. Your Mom probably feels the same way. She is telling you not to worry because she really doesn't want to cause you any pain. She will need you to help her through this by not fearing the worst, but believing for the best possible outcome. You need to believe that she will get through this. You can help with your own anxiety by doing concrete things to help out around the house or with rides. I still have not told my own daughter about the extent of my cancer because she is so sensitive and has been through so much with my past illnesses. I was a divorced Mom and raised her alone and she is an only child. It was just the two of us. You can help your Mom by believing she will get well.

  • Beepositive
    Beepositive Member Posts: 259 Member
    #7
    A Mom

    Im with you HapB! i did the same thing with my daughter she know there were cancer cells found and i had surgery. I did not want to get her all worked up she has two little ones and I told her pits and pieces and may tell her more if/when necessary. The way I see it my cancer was removed and Im doing preventive measures now with the radiation and the anti homo pills...IM LOOKING TOWARD THE FUTURE..HAD SCAN AND MRI, BONE SCANS prior to my surgery no cancer found just in left breast that was removed (march 2017)and nodes  GETTING  BUSY  LIVING!!!  SUCCESS AND PRAYERS TO EVERYONE!!  BEEPOSITIVESmile

  • HapB
    HapB Member Posts: 527
    #8
    Beepositive said:

    A Mom

    Im with you HapB! i did the same thing with my daughter she know there were cancer cells found and i had surgery. I did not want to get her all worked up she has two little ones and I told her pits and pieces and may tell her more if/when necessary. The way I see it my cancer was removed and Im doing preventive measures now with the radiation and the anti homo pills...IM LOOKING TOWARD THE FUTURE..HAD SCAN AND MRI, BONE SCANS prior to my surgery no cancer found just in left breast that was removed (march 2017)and nodes  GETTING  BUSY  LIVING!!!  SUCCESS AND PRAYERS TO EVERYONE!!  BEEPOSITIVESmile

    Did you also have chemo?

    Hi BeePositive,

    I am confused about when they remove a breast or just do lumpectomy. Did you also have chemo? If Icould just have the breasts removed and have radiation and antihormone treatments, I would go for it. They are telling me that they do not need to remove the breasts and they even if I did, they would have to give the chemo for a year anyway. Is the difference that I had HER2 positive?

  • Beepositive
    Beepositive Member Posts: 259 Member
    edited April 2017 #9
    hello HapB

    hello HapB..the Medicial oncologist did recommend/highly suggest chemo after my surgery because large amount lymph nodes with positve that were removed. I had Invasive Lobular Carcinoma /estrogen recptor/progesterone receptor positive and HER2-Negative....ask lots of questions. did you have chemo when you was Diagnosed in the past?   Keep asking questions and what your options are ? and second opinion is always good to if you not sure..  Best wishes to you..YOU WILL BE FINE!! KEEP THE FAITH!!    BEEPOSITIVE  Smile

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