Everything Has Changed

Thank you so much Matt for responding.  I realize I should not complain.  So many have it worse, & newbies don't need depressing posts.  I have just fallen into that dark hole & it is so hard to crawl out.  Thank you for reaching out & offering support, very appreciated.  Hugs, Lisa

Noellesmom said:

Post all you want

This is the roller coaster from hell and newbies should know that.

Please talk to your doctor and let him know you are overwhelmed.  

Hugs, daisy.

Hi, not sure how to take your response.  Unfortunately.  You do not know Me or what I have dealt with, Cancer is just a small part & it is hell.  It IS the worst due to treatment, side effect, how your body responds, and delayed Radiation/ Chemo that just keeps giving is a ****.  I lost My 92 yr old Mother who went downhill out of the blue when I started treatment last year.  They would not release Me to fly to see her.  I could not hold her hand as I promised her (we were the closest out of my other siblings).  I didn't see her or get to say good by.  That was the 2nd big hit with 8 other things including deaths.  I was doing well & left this site due to some judgements that I had hoped were a Positive but as I & My Chemo Dr realized, I was recovering like nothing they had seen.  Others, which I don't blame suffering felt like ****.  I really had "Survivor Guilt" So I did not post.  When I did I tried to give Positive treatment at home options to help with healing.  I backed away, did NOT want to hurt anyone.  I than due to the nature of my body being very Abi-Normal before This Cancer developed a ton of latent Radiation Effects.  Just came back on site to talk with long timers, so to speak.  I do not want to upset the Newbies, it's so scary as it is.  Just needed some support.  Sorry if I was just needing a bit of support & understanding.  So if it makes you feel better, I won't post anymore.   Hey won't live that much longer due to the effects and they can't regulate how to deal with how weird My body responses that I am even more limited & horribly uncomfortable.  So I will not say another word.  Good luck to you & those you love.

Hi P,  Thank you for commenting,  you have always been so sweet, funny, helpful, & supportive.  Yes, I rinse out my mouth constantly and swish & spit Biotine.  I even use the Baking soda at least 3 xdaily.  I have tried every, and I mean every, product for dry mouth.  I would rotate.  Since I was producing some saliva throughout most of treatment & Recovery, more than most, all the different products helped.  Probably why I was doing so well so fast.    So after dealing with a feeding tube, losing  so much weight I was down to 98 lbs, & Hungary as a horse, kept trying & sampling every soft food I could.  Started to move on to other food.  Doing well than bam, My best saliva gland got clogged.  Did everything I was told.  Still produced lots of saliva but could not get out so the gland swelled up like a same egg.  Now not hardly any saliva.  I still had & have overly intense smell & taste.  could not do juice, Gaterade, anything with sugar.  Way to sweet.  Plus had " burning tongue & nerve damage.  Will tell you, lazer of the tongue slowly was the best.  No more pain and could eat more solids to try & gain weight.  Here's the kicker there, found I had high food allergies. Top 5...Dairy, eggs, soy, Almond & OJ.  Had it, didn't know & caused more mucus.  They could not control My horrific allergies that here in FL are 24/7 all year round. So now dry mouth, tons of mucus.  Thirsty every moment, drank & peed allot even before Cancer, now it is worse with NO Saliva.  Developed water poisoning/sodium depleted syndrome.  Was finally diagnosed with lower than normal sodium. Average at the total bottom being at 130 .  I average for Me is 125 & drops lower.  Knew something was not right most of My Life.  Craved salt, and ate over the amount and they thought I ate to much & raised My blook pressure.  Not the reason, had to ingest to keep Me somewhat balanced.  Did you know Throat Cancer causes sodium deficiency.  So know that is also happening, I am even more screwed..  My Drs are going crazy, since

know this is long winded but only way one can understand how abi-Normal I m just on My own Dealing with this.  As for anti-depressants, been on for years.  They have tried them all on Me, reacted opposite, found 20mg Prozac is all I can take.  Does just a little .  Was diagnosed with PDSD 2 times in the last 10 yrs, have all the symoms but can't medicate.  As I (myself) weaned off Morphine for the Cancer pain, first morphine ever, did find the 5 mg ER, helped My mood but as We all know I will always need more.  Why I don't stay on drugs to long.  5 days and off on fusion back surgery.  Drs are amazed at My pain level.  I do not hold any anathesia, due to a blood clotting disorder, so 3-4 TIAs.  Turing 60 this year, between Senior Moments, severe Chemo Brain, & now problems from the major sodium deficiency, brain is mostly gone.  In a fog, some days better than other, lost My organization skills, do not function well, computer is getting harder, frustration.  Sinus Allergeries cause daily headaches, live allot on Ice chips, found Amstel Light beer helps My thirst to a point & believe it or not, some clarity but also has water.  Everything has-water in it so Pharmacy grade hydration powder 5 times a day to try to replenish salt & enzymes.   My Drs know everything, I never hold back.  Also, here's another problem you All can chastise.  I starting smoking again last yr after.  After our cat at 20 yrs died,  woke up to it,   2 months later Our 11 yr old dog died unexpectedly in 2 weeks, than My Mom 2 wks later so fast. Just the tip of the stress ice burg what else was going on.   So while taking care of My daughter cats, next door, Came across My old pack of cigs.  I felt Myself heading to the dark hole.  Sat on her porch, with My one beer two cigs and distressed.  Just did not realize that 2 would  draw Me back in.  Was so mad but worked hard to quit again, Drs knew .  Been working hard to quit again, but the stress has been overwhelming.  Been wanting to do the Chantex, but not approved due to all the problems.  Eat like a horse but only up to 104.  Can't seem to keep weight on & Chantex makes Me very nauseous  Damn if I do, damn if I dont.  Mon I get My Three month scan, always have not worried but at this point, ?.  It will be, as always, what it will be, no use worrying since can't change results.  Hope My Cancer buddy scans after treatment for Lung is successful.  I try & fight, be Positive, but oh so tired.  Again, I am sorry this is so long but I hope people will please understand My frustration.  But I want evey Warrior to be the Best they can be & fight, if the can.  Hugs to All.  Lisa