Feeling Good Today!

I've been weak ever since the paralysis after the blood clot/stroke/cardiac arrests thing. But some days I feel a little better than others. Today I worked on our hardwood floor. I used a kit to touch up the scratches and then used a hardwood rejuvinater to shine it up. It took me most of the day and there were times that I felt like I couldn't finish but I pushed myself and got it done. By the way, I'm talking just the dining room so not the whole house or anything like that. But it made me feel so good to be able to do something that's physically hard!

When I was in a wheelchair I never could have imagined I'd ever do something like this again. I was scared I'd never walk again, for that matter. So days like today are milestones that I'm so happy about! I usd to be someone who couldn't sit still, I always had to be doing something and took on any project. I'm certainly not back to normal but I can do some things and I'm beyond thrilled to be able to. I've learned that sitting watching TV some evenings is okay and naps are not wasted time. And I've learned to accept that some things don't need to be done right away. It's taught me a bit of patience. Not a lot but a bit.

I satrt chemo again in a few weeks. I see my onc next Thursday and that's when I'll know for sure. I hate being scared that I'll be useless and tired and have no energy again. I hate being dependent on my husband and daughter for things that should be easy, everyday things to do. I'm sad that it's all going to start again and after that last chemo that turned my face to hamburger I'm scared to try anything new. My face has mostly healed now but I'm going to have spots for a long time, I think. As a woman I can cover it in make up so that helps. But now I'm feeling pretty good and spring has arrived and I don;t want to go back to feeling miserable. I want to have a vegetable garden this year but I'm scared I won;t be able to take care of it. We don't have a garden area right now so my husband would have to dig it all out and prep it and I don't want to get him to do all that and then discover that I can't look after it anyway. That's one of the crappiest parts about cancer, you have to factor it on when you make any kind of plans.

Anyway, I'm feeling good today and I just had to share it. I'm grateful for every good day! I hope you all have had good days today!

Jan