College student- mom recently diagnosed

EXACTLY my experience. My son had your issues and we spoke of it thoroughly. I remember telling him I was thrilled his life was full of his new college experiences and his presence near me was not productive to my situation as I preferred seeing him totally living and loving his life. Ever since then, and it has been over a decade I watched him become a fulfilled happy adult also totally devoted to his mom and always there when HE decides it is necessary.

For me, this was much better than when my parents were in their dire circumstances (too long a story) some of my memories that invade me unexpectedly are remembering some of the horrible scenarios that haunt me to this day and I am grateful my son has none of that

Hope this helps. Communicate!

Take care

I am so sorry your Mom is going though this and that you are, too.  When I was 14 my mother had breast cancer and she shared very little of it with me.  I was sent to school each day including the day of her surgery.  As I look back I know it was for my protection, but there was a lot of fear for me in the not knowing.  When I was diagnosed 2 years ago, my daughter was 12 and I tried very hard to be as open and honest as I could, to diminish that fear, while also trying to protect her from the hurt of it all.  She can ask me anything, and has, and I will answer.  I never wanted the not knowing to be another burden for her.  Seeing it from both sides, the only thing I can offer is to tell your Mom you love her - a lot - and that you want to share with her what she feels comforable sharing and to be by her side, in the ways that make her comfortable.  You can also give her the gift of watching you continue to live your life and thrive!  My best wishes for her speedy recovery and wishing you both the comfort of each other.  

I think that this is great advice all around. It comes down to communication and then respect.

Try to communicate and find out what the person wants, and then respect their choice.

I know that sometimes I feel guilty when I don't want to talk. Because it is not just happening to me. And sometimes people that are going through these things with me need to have me communicate so that they can feel better.

I know that it was very hard dealing with some of my elderly relatives that did not want to talk to me. But them saying they didn't want to talk was not very fulfilling. So I try and be open.

But as I learned from going through it, I would like "I don't want to talk about it" to be respected as an answer.

camul said:

I kept working first time around

My boys were 15 and 17. Sophomore and senior. My seniorgrad. early,  15 yr old didn't talk to me, his way of dealing with losing me.  I was very open if they asked. 8 yrs later, they went with me when I was god 3months with treatment, 6 months without.  Both were seniors at the University.  My wish was to make it 8 months to see both graduate.  Now it is almost 7years and keep getting told 3- months.  I moved in with one son and his gf a year ago.  Now it is in brain, lungs, bones, skin and connective tissue, but the 3-6 months is now going on 8  months.  They are great and amazing

support.  They have had a hard timegetting graduate degrees. Both say it is too hard mentally but have worked full time since graduating with BA'S.  

i have a hard time that this held them back time wise.  Both have told meit was their decision not mine and they have done what they could deal with and they are both going my back in September.  They have both said the hardest part has been seeing me in pain.  My passing will be hard but they say seeingme in pain when I was so active is worse.  Your mom is still working which is a good thing, she will let u know when or if she needs your help.  Sometimes losing your independence is harder than getting the help.

My doctors have said that me doing so much for myself has helped keep me going!

Best for all of you and respect her wishes, as long as she knows you are there for her she will call you for help

if she needs it.

Hi Camul...you are a GREAT Trooper!!!! keep fighting..such a great Family..continued success and love to you and your family!!!

continue to BEEpositive!!! thats how i have always been and will continue to be.

BEEpositive