Grieving with cremation

... For my mom, I had to sign some papers and they gave them to me (in the container) in a shopping bag like you'd get if you shopped at Saks Fifth Avenue (without the logo). Pretty funny. When I picked up my spouse's cremains, I sat in the consult room to sign the papers, then they gave the box to me in a bag (not as fancy as Mom's, but that was OK). 

"Mom" rode in the trunk for about 1000 miles while I drove back to the family plot. "Spouse" sat on the back corner of the desk for almost a year until we made the family trip to scatter the cremains. 

My husand I both decided that cremation was what we wanted and when he passed I had him cremated.  We both didn't want a service but our sons did.  So we had a small service at the funeral home after cremation.  I have the ashes in a beautiful carved box, and our sons each have a small contained with some of their father's ashes, and when I pass then the boys will scatter our ashes from the highest peak in the Smokeys.  In fact one day shortly afterwards, I went back to the funeral home and paid for my cremation only.  After the service it was hard to put that box in the car and bring it home but it sits in the bedroom waiting for me and when I am upset I can still talk to him and he is with me.

My mother passed away 12 years ago and she is buried in another state 12 hours away.  I hate to say it but my siblings and I haven't been back to her grave site.  And yes I feel guilty but like my older sister says it is only a grave and she is not there.  None of our sons live close by so we decided on cremation.  More and more people are deciding on cremation because the cost is so much less than burial, but then again it is the person's choosing.

This is a difficult one for me. A year after I lost my husband, my duaghter's life neared it's end. She and I had never discussed her final wishes. It is probably not something you often discuss with your child. I became aware of them from her husband. During the last 2 weeks, she was rarely lucid enough to speak coherently. The final night was horrific. She did not go peacefully. She lay in the great room where her bed had been placed so she could watch her horses through the big windows. I had held her and then went upstairs to dress before relatives arrived. When I returned, her body had been removed. I had not said goodbye and she was gone. There was no viewing, only a memorial service. I never saw her sweet face again, only a beautuful carved box with a decoration of horses filled with what had once been my beautiful child. She is buried in her church cemetery, 2,000 miles from me. I do not disagree with cremation, but in my already devastated emotional state, it was another knife to my heart.

wolfen said:

Difficult

This is a difficult one for me. A year after I lost my husband, my duaghter's life neared it's end. She and I had never discussed her final wishes. It is probably not something you often discuss with your child. I became aware of them from her husband. During the last 2 weeks, she was rarely lucid enough to speak coherently. The final night was horrific. She did not go peacefully. She lay in the great room where her bed had been placed so she could watch her horses through the big windows. I had held her and then went upstairs to dress before relatives arrived. When I returned, her body had been removed. I had not said goodbye and she was gone. There was no viewing, only a memorial service. I never saw her sweet face again, only a beautuful carved box with a decoration of horses filled with what had once been my beautiful child. She is buried in her church cemetery, 2,000 miles from me. I do not disagree with cremation, but in my already devastated emotional state, it was another knife to my heart.

No words to express.