How long will it take to have intercourse again?

Hello!

Although I am not quite finished my treatment (March 1st can't get here fast enough!), I have discussed the possibility of requiring a PT script for pelvic floor therapy. My doctors seem on board wth the idea should I need it.  I agree wth Martha. Your Ob/Gyn should be able to refer you to a PT who specializes in pelvic floor therapy. Best of luck!

No one tells you how bad the damage is going to be. My radiation doctor mumbled something pretty quickly about how I might need a dilator when he was explaining treatment but never asked me anything about my vaginal symptoms or status again, ever. Medical oncologist never touched on the issue. It took me a year to get to pelvic PT. I have to drive two hours to get to her but I think it is going to be worth it. My goal is reduction of pelvic pain and cramping. I think intercourse is possible again but I would go to pelvic PT as soon as you heal up if that's your goal. I've kind of given up on a sex life to be frank, that's depressing but there it is. 

I'll start with the tl;dr.  It's totally possible and the end result can be pretty close to normal, but it's not easy, takes an appreciable amount of dedication and putting up with bs you really would rather not to have to put up with.  

Here's the long story; I'll try to be succinct.

Diagnosed at 39 in September 2015.  Six weeks radiation (total 52 grey); pretty standard, that I completed Thanksgiving 2015.  I didn't use a dilator at all until after I finished treatment.  Maybe in December of 15 or January of 16.  I started with an XS or S, I can't remember.  My Dr. gave me a Syracuse brand, so it was 1/2 or 7/8 in. (http://www.cmtmedical.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=551). This brand is definitely not the most comfortable, bc they're hard plastic (and cold), but they also allow you to really work things around (sorry, it's graphic but true) because of the same reason.

So I was not very consistent until spring 2016. I went to my OB-GYN in May and he said that I have to be consistent.  5-6x week, 15 minutes/day.  It's better to do it now when the tissue is still remodeling, rather than years from now.  It will be much worse years from now.  So I did that and worked my way up in size to the 43 mm (http://www.cmtmedical.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=124_125_130_134&products_id=536).  I know, it's huge.  All you can do it is laugh about it. Once I would get used to a size, I'd increase. When I would first increase, I'd start with the previous size for half the time and then use the bigger size for the other half.  It was never easy and there were a lot of tears due to pain and frustration.  There are directions for using dilators for women born without vaginas and I used some of those instructions that I found.  They did help.

But, by September 2016 (~4 months later), I had intercourse for the first time again and although I was tight and it was a little uncomfortable, I'd describe it as sort of normal-ish. Doing the dilator before helped as well. 

The catch here is that you can't stop using the dilator at this point.  Unless you are having sex regularly (maybe every other day?) the vagina contracts.  At least mine did.  Even after a week, there was a difference.

I've asked my doctors how long I'll have to use the dilators daily because it totally sucks and even though it should only take maybe 30 minutes start-to-finish, I'm so busy that it's 30 minutes too long.  Especially when I could be doing something, anything, else that isn't miserable.  I've been told a couple years to a lifetime, so I'm not sure what to believe.

But, if having sex is what you're looking for, it's totally possible.  You just have to have patience and put in the hard work and be willing to deal with the unpleasant discomfort of the dilators.

Happy to provide more details, should anyone be interested.

Phoebesnow said:

Dialotors

i stopped using the dialtors  after 3 years.  You are right about the remodeling as periodically I see a discharge from butt to clit On my underwear.  I think of it like a snake shedding its skin.  I certainly didn't have that pre radiation.

 

i do get a kick out of seeing these vaginal remodeling jobs advertised out here in Los Angeles on billboards.  I got mine!  LOL!!!  Bonus!!!

 

my latest issue is I trimmed some pubic hair and it's scratching the folds raw.  I have been putting hair conditioner on the hair and olive oil on the folds.  I think I might lose my mind....oh well...since I'm venting, my anal area around it, not it, has been itchy.  when does it end.......

 

 

 

 

i had to smile at your last comment.....(actually i almost laughed---not at you but with you)-----no one would believe what we go thru....it never ends.... one thing after another..... i have concluded that anal cancer is better for single women..... it is hard on hubby ....i feel guilty not having fun during intercourse....not being excited about doing it....what a mess..... hugs to us all......sephie