Feeing lost

Manjcn2010
Manjcn2010 Member Posts: 1
in Caregivers #1

My husband is 36 years old and has been undergoing cancer treatment since 2013. He is terminally ill but still going through palliative treatment and some chemotherapy to try and prolong his life so far we have had 2 years of success. I am feeling lost lately because he has been more and more tired since starting this new treatment around 4 weeks ago. He has been more moody and tired and snapping at both myself and our 6 year old. I feel as though he is depressed and won't admit to it and he has every right to be, especially with everything he has and continues to go through. I am feeling guilty because right now I am frustrated with not having the relationship we once had, he barely talks to me anymore and as far as a physical relationship there is none. We don't go on dates or even really go anywhere together other than to his doctor appointments. I don't know what to do and just need to know I am not alone in this journey. 

Comments

  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #2
    Not alone

    But it is still difficult to go through.  You are both so young. I am sorry you are on this journey.

    Try to interest your husband in whatever he has the energy to do but do not let yourself get sucked into his lethargy.  The situation is rough but life is still good.

    Stay involved in whatever you are comfortable with but please remember to be kind to yourself. Make sure your husband knows when his behavior is unacceptable. There's nothing about having cancer that makes it okay to set a poor example for your child.

  • Catholic
    Catholic Member Posts: 86
    edited February 2017 #3
    Your not alone at all.  My

    Your not alone at all.  My wife was 36 when she was diagnosed with breast cancer (she should went to the clinic 5 years earlier).  She is now 40 and she sleeps often, talks to me only when its a crisis and spends the majority of her time in the basement.  She has a bed in the basement.

    Its easy getting sucked into the depressed spouse downward spinal.  You have take time for yourself.  Join a local gym and workout.  Eat healthy and stay fit.  I know it sounds small but eating healthly and visiting the gym regularly has helped me stay sane.  You have one kid who is 6 years old so she or he is probably in 1st grade.  Find time in the mornings when your child is in school to go to a gym and walk or swim or anything.  Treat yourself to breakfast or lunch often.  Dont feel guilty.  It is frustrating living with someone going through cancer.  The caregiver is alone and trying to protect and explain bad behavior to kids is not easy.

    I have 3 kids and my youngest is almost 4 years old.  My wife came home from the hospital after giving birth and went to the basement to live.  I had a 6 year old, 4 year old and 1-day old baby to take care of and a wife in the basement 23 1/2 hours a day. Then she was diagnosed with cancer, then chemotherapy, and now just regular moodiness.  Spend time, whenever possible, on yourself taking care of yourself.  Find a time to treat yourself to a meal out or get out of the house with your child and do something fun.

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