Dealing with recurrence

Ladylacy said:

Cancer

I think when we or someone we love are diagnosed with cancer we always worry about a reoccurrence.  My sister is a 14 year survivor of triple negative breast cancer and she still worries.  Our youngest son is an 8 year survivor of kidney cancer and ever little thing scares him and his wife.  One of my Aunt's fought esophageal cancer but lost her battle it kept reoccurring and she got tired at the end and gave up.  My husband fought laryngeal cancer, beat it but then a year later developed a second primary in basically the same spot.  Due to the previous radiation and surgery, surgery was ruled out.  Because the tumor was small and no spread the doctor thought radiation and chemo would take care of it.  Well it didn't and it came back and then spread to his lungs.  He lost his battle exactly 5 years to the day he was diagnosed.

It was hard for both of us and when he declined further treatment, it was worse for me.  But it was his choice not mine or anyone else.  My opinion is that those who haven't been thru it, don't understand what the patient and caregiver goes thru.  As caregivers we go thru a lot and you have to take care of yourself too because you are just as important.

I have read on this site those whose spouses were hard to deal with and could be mean.  I can honestly say mine wasn't like that at all.  Yes he was depressed, who wouldn't be, but he was willing to take medication to help.  No he wouldn't discuss what he felt with me or our grown children and we didn't press him.  Caregivers get depressed too because we are the ones dealing with the patient and this horrible disease 24/7 plus everything else.  Get something for your nerves, talk to someone, find support groups and don't be afraid to ask for help.  You are important in this battle too so take care of yourself too.

Wishing you peace and comfort

Thank you Ladylacy for taking the time to reply and for sharing your experiences.  I'm sorry for those you have lost, but happy to know of those who are surviving.  Bless you. 

wolfen said:

Ginger

First, I want to tell you how sorry I am that once again cancer has reared its' ugly head.

During my daughter's 6 year battle with the beast, she had an eighteem month period when she became NED. When cancer returned, it was with a vengeance. It was colon cancer that gradually spread to her liver, lungs, and pancreas. Because she lived 2000 miles from us, we could only visit sporadically. I think my way of dealing with it was to simply think that she just could not die. It was just not possible. I could not see her day to day and understand just how sick she was, and she never told me. I was avoiding reality. Not a good thing. My husband's cancer was right there in my face and could not be unseen. Yet, I still avoided reality. How could this strong man I had llived with for 40+ years ever succumb to cancer. But he did and so did she. Avoiding reality is a way to cope for awhile, but I don't recommend it. I was never prepared for either of their deaths and I still have a very hard time accepting that they are gone. I don't think there is an easy way to deal with cancer, especially when we are helpless. A friend on another forum posted this and for me it was perfect. "If you want G#D to have a good laugh, just tell him your plans."

Maybe I'm looking for some answer, but reality is there just isn't one.  I feel like I'm walking a line between wanting to be positive, preparing for the worst, anticipating grief, figuring out how to have a life through bouts of recurrences.  I guess we all find our way.  Your quote rings true to me in that there is a higher power in spite of all our efforts.  Sometimes I just wonder if the rest of our lives will be a cruel routine until this finally and slowly takes him.  I just don't know.  Making peace with that is a challenge.     

I am sorry for your loss of loved ones.  Thank you for your reply.  It helps to at lease know others understand.