He's moved on...

Brenda Bricco
Brenda Bricco Member Posts: 579 Member
in Colorectal Cancer #1

I hate to come here with bad news, so it's taken me three weeks to do it...

Did scans the week before Thanksgiving, things were growing, but not like fire so it was chemo time again. He asked how long the doc thought he had left and the answer he got was 1-3 years, it was hard to tell...  I wish he wouldn't have asked but it was his right to. It seemed like from the time that he got that prognosis he started to slip into deep depression. I was selfish and asked him to not give up.

He passed in his sleep some time after Midnight on New Year's Eve... finding him gone was the worst thing that I have ever experienced. The pain of finding your best friend gone with out a chance to tell him one more time that I loved him is so heavy. I guess he had to sneak off when I wasn't looking, I just didn't want him to leave me.

So, he's done... no more fighting, worrying or suffering and is with the Lord... as a friend said last night... "I have to let go and let him have his heaven". I don't want to... but I need too... he fought with all he had for 5 years and 10 months... he deserves to rest in peace.

God's blessings

Brenda

 

Comments

  • beaumontdave
    beaumontdave Member Posts: 1,289 Member
    #2
    I'm so sorry Brenda, but your

    I'm so sorry Brenda, but your right that his trial is over, he's at peace. Now, in ways, comes the harder part of finding a way through the heartache and emptiness that's left to you. I don't pretend to have answers for that pain, we're each different in our coping, but twenty months out from losing Cindy, the hurt has lessened, despite my efforts to carry it with me. I've said before that I would and will never ask anyone how long I might have, because their guess would get branded in my memory, and trying to live forward is, for me, incompatable with some kind of countdown. I hope you find some comfort and peace, in time, hurting doesn't honor my wife, it just keeps me wounded. My thoughts are with you..........................................Dave

  • ron50
    ron50 Member Posts: 1,723 Member
    edited January 2017 #3
    Hugs Brenda

          I am sad that you have lost so much love but I am glad that you had so much love. I hope the memories of that love sustains you until time heals, Ron.

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,804 Member
    #4
    My heart aches for you, Brenda

    Indeed, you do have to let him go; but it is early days. Grieve for him and hurt for a while, and don't feel guilty for doing so.  You will know when it is time to look at life without him and without so much pain. 

    Please accept my most sincere and heartfelt love and prayers. 

    May your future be blessed with good health and happiness. Your darling will always be a part of you. 

    TRU

  • Brenda Bricco
    Brenda Bricco Member Posts: 579 Member
    #5
    Thank's for all of your

    Thank's for all of your thoughts and prayers... the grief is still so new.

    I went to his grave tonight and just laid in the snow by him, I know he's not there, but it's where I feel like I can talk and cry in private with him. I just close my eyes and imagine we are in bed and I am laying on his chest like we always did. I always end up there at night, which I think is against ordinances (dusk til dawn), but night time is when I just want to be close to him. I hear time will lessen the pain, I'm just trying to make it through a day at a time hoping for some relief.

    He's been gone three weeks tomorrow... I haven't been back to work and am wondering if maybe I can return this next week. I hear most people are back within a couple of weeks, I'm just not as strong as some; I still crash. I'm so lonely for him and lonely in general. I feel so alone, not as in distant from my faith, just miss the companionship. I'm sure I will get used to all of this in time.

    I would just like to add... when my Husband was diaganosed, they gave him 18-24 months and he was here almost six years because of new treatments that came along as he fought. I want to encourage all of you that are in your own battles... there is more and more they can do and with God's grace, they will find a cure for it. It just wasn't in time for us.

  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364 Member
    edited January 2017 #6
    So very sorry for your loss

    Dear Brenda,

    While a last good bye is always hoped for, he knew how much you loved him.

    As you go into the days without his physical presence, know that he is always with you in your heart.

    Let the good memories sustain you.

    Hugs,

    Marie who loves kitties

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