What has cancer taught you about yourself?

Cancer was not my first big health issue.  In early 2004 and again in 2010, I had abdominal issues that, if I hadn't gotten to the hospital in a timely manner, could have killed me.  In both instances, a part of intestines either flipped over another part or twisted in such a way that my intestines were completely blocked.  Without fairly immediate attention, such problems can be fatal.

In 2004, I had been married for 25 years.  I have always loved my wife deeply, but in many ways, we both found that, to a degree, we had both been kind of taking each other for granted.  My surgeries and the recuperation I had to go through in 2010, showed both of us just how much we need each other and our love, already very deep, grew even deeper.

What the cancer specifically taught both of us was how much we had taken family for granted.  My mom died in 2010 about a month after I had finally recovered from that surgery (yeah, 2010 really sucked as a year) and my dad died a year later.  My only sister lives in Florida and my family wasn't really all that close to my aunts and uncles or cousins.  When I was diagnosed in late 2013, my sister was very helpful in calming me down (she's a nurse practitioner) regarding what kideny cancer is and what the treatment is.  But she couldn't come out for the surgery when I had it in 2016.  However, my wife's family really came through for us.  I was very nervous about my wife having to be alone while I was in the OR.  But one of her brothers, along with his girlfriend (who happens to be an RN in training) along with one of her nieces, stayed with her the entire time.  In fact, the first thing I heard when I was back in my room and being woken up was my niece's voice.  The next day, when I was released, another brother and a second niece came down to pick us up and make sure we had everything we needed at home.  My wife has a large family (8 brothers and sisters) and we've always been kind of the "go to" people whenever issues have come up with any of them, and in a family of nine, issues ALWAYS come up.  So we learned that we can count on family every bit as much as they have come to count on us.

I have my first follow-up CT scan on Monday and my appointment with the urological surgeon is a week from Tuesday.  I already had my chest x-ray and it came back perfectly clean.  I see no reason why the CT isn't going to come back just as clean.  I'll be letting everyone know the results when I get them.

I've stressed over a lot of things in my life, and kidney cancer was no exception. The initial diagnosis was certainly a shocker. The 7 cm clear cell tumor was detected by CT scan when I was in the hospital for a mini-stroke (TIA). After the full nephrectomy, I thought I had it beat. After all, they gave me an 80% chance that there would be no recurrence. Good odds, I thought, no sweat. I'll never forget the sinking feeling I felt 4 months later, sitting in my hotel room in Salt Lake City while on a business trip, and reading the imaging report..."lytic lesion, 1.5 cm in inferior renal pelvic bone, consistent with metastatic disease...". I was a complete basket case for the remainder of the trip. I thought for sure that I would die soon. I went through several weeks of complete depression and self-pity.

Well, what I have learned since then is, as foxhd so eloquently said, "we are living with cancer, not dying from it." I learned to close that door, and move on. I've learned to be grateful for the positives, as small as they may seem: The tumor was detected early enough that it was still isolated in the kidney. Yes, I have a met, but it is small and there is only one. Tomorrow may bring different news, but I will take it one day at a time, and stay focused on the positive. I have a great team of doctors at Stanford, a great support group of cancer survivors, and above all a loving wife who is helping me so much through all the hurdles and giving me the inspiration and strength to move on. With all this help, I've made positive changes in my life, such as quitting smoking (immediately after the stroke!), eating a healthier diet, and working on strengthening my immune system. Most importantly, I've learned that keeping a positive outlook is key.

Wishing everyone all the best in their treatment and outcomes. Thank you again for all the support.

Roger

foxhd said:

wonderful thoughts.

most of you know by now that I look at alot of topics related to our cancer, but not so much about cancer itself. As I approach 6 years post op, I have to admit that I have been through the ringer.  I have defied the odds against me. No longer a bad a$$ biker. Or a 200# weight lifting marathoner. I am a 142# survivor. I have functional use of my hands but neuropathies and damage to my nervous system are a challenge. Every day I get up wondering if I can accomplish anything that day. Often the answer is no. I cut myself  slack but it disappoints me to no end. I have had to concede so much to this damn disease. How much more can I handle? A day later I'm stacking firewood, playing music, and puttering in my garage. I'm excited about golf this spring. I so much want to get my old VW camper and vintage motorcycles on the road. So much to do. So little time. Maybe,maybe not.

I have  my blood work and scan results. Metabolic panel, cbc, thyroid,lactate dehydrogenase, etc. ALL WITHIN NORMS!!!.....WHAT???

CT scan says, chest, abdomen and pelvis are pretty clear. The couple mets present are smaller......WHAT???

MRI's show my spine, rib and shoulder mets are stable....WHAT???

 ..........just got a phone call. I'm getting my cabo for free again this year!!!!      LIFE IS GOOD!!

Karma and positive thinkng. FLY. We do this together. I want to thank everyone. I need to thank my closest friends who have been here the whole trip. Keep your arms and legs inside the bus, buckle up, and hold on. This ride isn't slowing down yet.

BLESSED...and well deserved, Foxy!!

Hugs, Jan

foxhd said:

wonderful thoughts.

most of you know by now that I look at alot of topics related to our cancer, but not so much about cancer itself. As I approach 6 years post op, I have to admit that I have been through the ringer.  I have defied the odds against me. No longer a bad a$$ biker. Or a 200# weight lifting marathoner. I am a 142# survivor. I have functional use of my hands but neuropathies and damage to my nervous system are a challenge. Every day I get up wondering if I can accomplish anything that day. Often the answer is no. I cut myself  slack but it disappoints me to no end. I have had to concede so much to this damn disease. How much more can I handle? A day later I'm stacking firewood, playing music, and puttering in my garage. I'm excited about golf this spring. I so much want to get my old VW camper and vintage motorcycles on the road. So much to do. So little time. Maybe,maybe not.

I have  my blood work and scan results. Metabolic panel, cbc, thyroid,lactate dehydrogenase, etc. ALL WITHIN NORMS!!!.....WHAT???

CT scan says, chest, abdomen and pelvis are pretty clear. The couple mets present are smaller......WHAT???

MRI's show my spine, rib and shoulder mets are stable....WHAT???

 ..........just got a phone call. I'm getting my cabo for free again this year!!!!      LIFE IS GOOD!!

Karma and positive thinkng. FLY. We do this together. I want to thank everyone. I need to thank my closest friends who have been here the whole trip. Keep your arms and legs inside the bus, buckle up, and hold on. This ride isn't slowing down yet.

Keep that good news a-coming

Not really as surprised as you are.  Based on the little I know about you, you seem full of piss & vinegar (in a good way) and I'm not quite sure cancer knew what it was coming up against.  Good for you!!

Here's hoping you are able to do the things you love, very soon.  You're truly an inspiration. 

Donna~