Things people have said that make me wonder

david54
david54 Member Posts: 164 Member
in Grief and Bereavement #1

Sorry-it's been a tough day and I am entering more topics than I normally would. Have any of you been approached by well meaning individuals who say incredibly inane statements?

Here are a few that have come my way. Bear in mind, the majority of people have said very nice, appropriate things, but its the few that stick out like a sore thumb

#1. "You were lucky to have her as long as you did"  Wow-that makes me feel better. No sht sherlock-I never thought of that one before. And thanks for the soothing words of comfort

#2. "You were lucky to have her" (Leaving "as long as you did off") This came from a former person who my wife rejected years ago. I wanted to say "Hell yes, luckier than you, jerk!"

#3. "Be happy for the days you had" Thank you Obi Wan-but right now I'm miserable for the days I dont have!

#4.  "God doesn't give us more than we we can handle" While I undertand the concept of this statement, right now, it's insensitive because I can barely handle what I'm going through minute to minute.

#5. "Don't think about marrying again, you don't have the emotional and financial reserves to get married" Ok, I'll take the engagement ring back to the jeweler and cancer my wedding with the mail order bride from Thailand. WTH??!!

Thanks for letting me vent

 

Comments

  • Ladylacy
    Ladylacy Member Posts: 773 Member
    edited January 2017 #2
    Things people say

    Sometimes people just need to not say anything.  But I know where you are coming from.  I had one DIL on the day after my husband's memorial service say to me that my son was upset because he doesn't want me to remarry so what was I going to do.  I almost say none of yours or his business but I also know my son wouldn't have said this. 

    Then another DIL said well you knew he was older than you when you married him.  Yes he was older but we married right after I graduated from high school and were one month shy of our 53rd wedding anniversary.  So what if he was older, doesn't mean anything, as we are not guaranteed tomorrow or the next hour for that matter.

    So yes people say things that are better left unsaid and I guess, for our own peace of mind, we are better off keeping our mouths shout. 

  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #3
    For goodness sakes

    What rock did all these people crawl out from under?!

    'God does not give us more than we can handle' is from Gone With the Wind. One should not quote Margaret Mitchell when providing sympathy.

  • Wenlover
    Wenlover Member Posts: 2
    #4
    Wish there was a like button

    LIKE

  • GingerMay
    GingerMay Member Posts: 134
    #5
    Agree

    I agree with all that is mentioned in this post.  I just don't get some people / things they say.   

  • JerzyGrrl
    JerzyGrrl Member Posts: 760 Member
    edited January 2017 #6
    Those weird things...

    I got a couple of packages of stickers. One set of stickers was to give people who said or did especially nice things.  The other was for people who said or did such stupid things, I practically wanted to get them to do it again so I could video it.  I haven't handed out the stickers yet, but it's empowering knowing I've got them at the ready.  Kind of like the comic who says, "Here's your sign."

    There's an artist who's made a bunch of cards for people who have had stupid things said to them during horrible times.  I especially like her "Everything Happens for a Reason" card, because I've practically wanted to react the way that the card says. But even more so, I find it's helpful just to browse her website and read through them, laugh at the humor (and stupidity), maybe shed a tear or two.  http://emilymcdowell.com/products/everything-happens-for-a-reason-card

    I got the "God just needed another angel in heaven to [description of what they thought my significant other was going to be busy doing]" a lot. That was one I did usually respond to, with a quizzical, "You think that's how it works?"

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