How long does the anger and hate last towards the ones you love?

Sorry you are struggling.
I just finished Chemo myself. I have heard that some people experience anger but for me I was more irritable especially when I wasn't feeling well. But I never felt anger toward anyone. I'm sorry you are going through this. I know that I felt like no one really understood unless they had gone through it themselves. But again I understood that my loved ones were only trying to help the best they knew how. It could be partly due to chemo but it also could be part depression from the experience.

Going through the same thing

Hey Lostandlooking,

I'm sort of going through the same thing as you. In late August my boyfriend found a lump on his right testicle. He went to the doctor right away and within a couple of weeks it was removed. He caught it really early so he ended up not having to go through chemo but he started to pull away from me. We were so happy together. We had disscussed marriage and really wanted to spend our lives together. He really started to get deeper into the depression though and he would never talk to me about it. Just last week he blindsided me with a breakup. It came out of no where and he tried to say that it was my fault. That I didnt like to travel enough and I want kids and hes not ready for marriage. These are things that we should have discussed together. We talked for five hours where he was back and forth about breaking up and finally I ended it. He said that he needed time but who knows how much time that will be. I still love him and want to be with him and I will give him space but its scary not knowing if he will ever work through it and I cant wait around for years wondering if he will be okay. I asked him to go to a councelor multiple times but he says he cant because thats admitting he had cancer. I, too cant come to terms with the fact that I stood by him through so much, the surgery, all the appointments, the fertility clinic and infertility scares and we over came this only to still lose him to the cancer. I am praying every day that he can sort through everything. Hopefully time will heal his emotional scars and he will realize he still wants the future we had talked about. I dont know if any of this helps you at all but just know you are not alone. Others are going through some of these same problems. I wish you and your boyfriend the best of luck. I really hope he sorts through his anger and realizes how much you did for him. Whether he wants to admit it or not, you saved his life. It seems like he just wanted to bury his head in the sand and pretend that it wasnt happening and thats why he is mad at you now. You forced him to confront the fact that he had cancer and it wasnt just going to go away. Maybe thats why my boyfriend reacted the same way. I too wanted him to confront the fact that he had had cancer. Hopefully they can both find help.

This is normal...

Unfortuanatly this happens to many men going through this.  It is a tostersterone drop that hits them and it is hard.  Kind of like when a woman has a hysterectomy and her hormones are all wack.  Same things.   The doctors can give them shots for this but it has to be done in low amounts adn not too fast or your wlll have a very grumpy bear on your hands.   It can take years to find a balance and then over time they dont need it as much.  Counceling just for them or cancer groups for men they can go on their own does help too.  It makes them feel they are not alone.  They have to heal physically, mentally, and on a spirital level all at the same time.   Give them space, give them time.  You too have a life.  Go on with yours, be understanding, and make sure you give yourself some you time. 

HUGS,

Annie