Wife was diagnosed in April-2016

jonsen420
jonsen420 Member Posts: 3
in Caregivers #1

My wife of 15 years was diagnosed with Stage 4 Colon cancer in April of this year and life as we once knew it was totally flipped upside down.  Since she was diagnosed I have had to drastically alter our families way of life.  We have a 9 year old and she has an 18 year old son from a previous marriage.  My wife is only 40 and I am 45.  When my wife was diagnosed, my stepson was still living here and still in school.  He basically manipulated us into letting him dropout of high school so that "he could help us out".  Two days later and he has moved out.  I had to quit my full time job to be my wife's caregiver.  We really don't have anyone else around to help.  About our only luck has been that when her mom passed last year, we got the house and it's paid for.  Her father has been gone for 6 years now as well.  My wife was her mom's caregiver for almost 5 years and now cancer.  I find the most stressed out I get is when I have to come up with money.  My wife has no work credits so we only get $420 a month SSI and around $475 a month in SNAP benefits.  $420 a month pays for the electric, water and phone/internet.  After those are paid there really is nothing left.  Sometimes I think I am going to pop a blood vessel or something.  We have had to sell just about anything in the houe that is not nailed down and is not our 9 year olds stuff.  Almost everyday is a burden and I mostly hate waking up in the mornings.  This burden is not from my wife and I do not take out any issues on her or our son.  I mostly try to keep calm and try to figure things out as I go.  I have pretty much lost my copilot for awhile and it's really hard to live like this.  I am just very worried about her and my son.  This sux.  I know this is probably a jumbled mess, but so is my head and our lives right now.  Peace

Comments

  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #2
    Cancer

    Impacts a family in ways you never think of until it happens to you.

    I'm really a very practical person so please understand if my questions seem too direct.

    You are not working at all or just part-time? How is your wife's treatment covered?    

  • imyaya1952
    imyaya1952 Member Posts: 23 Member
    #3
    To jonsen420. Please excuse

    To jonsen420. Please excuse me if I am being too pushy or rude.  Why don't you go back to work and arrange for someone to be with your wife during your work hours. Hospice costs nothing and most states have programs that go according to your income for assistance. I think you would feel better to get away for a while most days and also make more money. You can be a better caregiver when you have "me" time.  Even if it is just going to work.  I know because I am just learning to get away on my own sometimes. It makes dealing at home easier. Blessings to you and your wife.

  • jonsen420
    jonsen420 Member Posts: 3
    edited December 2016 #4
    Noellesmom said:

    Cancer

    Impacts a family in ways you never think of until it happens to you.

    I'm really a very practical person so please understand if my questions seem too direct.

    You are not working at all or just part-time? How is your wife's treatment covered?    

    I am not working, accept for

    I am not working, accept for ebaying most of our stuff.  There is no way that I could work, unless it was at home.  I have pretty much have always held a job since I was 15.  I seem to go a bit stir crazy right now, not working.  Then I start to think that I am working to help keep my wife comfortable and living.  My dad does help some every month, but it is never enough.  Since my wife got her diagnosis we applied for her SSI and she was automaticly put on Medicaid.  We have had some issues, like getting things approved, but no big issues where we have to pay out of pocket.  She is being treated at the Brown Cancer Center and they are doing a really good job.  I am just really having a hard time getting her to eat.

  • jonsen420
    jonsen420 Member Posts: 3
    edited December 2016 #5
    imyaya1952 said:

    To jonsen420. Please excuse

    To jonsen420. Please excuse me if I am being too pushy or rude.  Why don't you go back to work and arrange for someone to be with your wife during your work hours. Hospice costs nothing and most states have programs that go according to your income for assistance. I think you would feel better to get away for a while most days and also make more money. You can be a better caregiver when you have "me" time.  Even if it is just going to work.  I know because I am just learning to get away on my own sometimes. It makes dealing at home easier. Blessings to you and your wife.

    You're not pushy or rude.  I

    You're not pushy or rude.  I just feel like this has to be a total obligation.  I do take "me" time, I buy old, crappy guitars and basses at our local pawn shop and I refurbish them in our garage.  She sleeps a lot so I do get my times to myself.  My mom passed last year of multplmyeloma and my dad told me to "just be with her and take care of her", so that's what I am doing.  Also the reason that he helps us every month.  We also have a gofundme, but that hasn't done much.  So we do the best we can with what we have.  We are not starving.

     

     

  • imyaya1952
    imyaya1952 Member Posts: 23 Member
    #6
    jonsen420 said:

    You're not pushy or rude.  I

    You're not pushy or rude.  I just feel like this has to be a total obligation.  I do take "me" time, I buy old, crappy guitars and basses at our local pawn shop and I refurbish them in our garage.  She sleeps a lot so I do get my times to myself.  My mom passed last year of multplmyeloma and my dad told me to "just be with her and take care of her", so that's what I am doing.  Also the reason that he helps us every month.  We also have a gofundme, but that hasn't done much.  So we do the best we can with what we have.  We are not starving.

     

     

    I understand

    I am sorry to hear that you also lost your mother not too long ago.  My husband has Multiple Myeloma and it feels  like a ticking time bomb. My friend lost her brother to it very suddenly when he had been doing well then went into kidney failure. I think we just keep up as long as the meds work and when they stop they rush to get another one working beofore it gets into the persons organs. My husband has been on the original meds for two years now. I'll keep your family in my prayers.

  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #7
    imyaya1952 said:

    I understand

    I am sorry to hear that you also lost your mother not too long ago.  My husband has Multiple Myeloma and it feels  like a ticking time bomb. My friend lost her brother to it very suddenly when he had been doing well then went into kidney failure. I think we just keep up as long as the meds work and when they stop they rush to get another one working beofore it gets into the persons organs. My husband has been on the original meds for two years now. I'll keep your family in my prayers.

    Jonsen

    Have the doctors given a prognosis?

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