Six Weeks post treatment update

I've been pretty absent from the forums during my recovery, but I'm trying to catch up with everyone now. Looks like some new folks have joined the club since I last logged on. 

I'm a little over six weeks past my last radiation. The first few weeks of recovery were the roughest in terms of mucus, nausea, and finding it difficult to even do tube feedings (I threw up a lot thanks to all the phlegm). Then, about four weeks ago, I decided found myself falling into a depression. I just wanted to be well; to eat and not feel tired and get back to normal life, even if it was a "new normal." On top of that, I stopped taking the Ativan I had been taking round the clock for nausea cold turkey, which threw me into horrible anxiety. I ended up spending four days on an inpatient psych hospital so they could readjust my medications and keep me safe (I was having suicidal thoughts). It was a scary time, but I'm feeling nearly 100% better now, at least mentally. 

Physically, the mucus is gone as is any nausea. I haven't used my feeding tube since entering the hospital and I'm getting it taken out next Wednesday. I'm so excited! At first I was just drinking meal replacement drinks and soups, but quickly got bored and started trying other foods. I found my taste buds weren't totally dead after about four or so weeks - mostly salty and sour things tasted somewhat normal. Not 100% full on flavor, but getting there. Sweets are definitely not there, not even fruit, although I tried a cookie today and I could faintly taste the chocolatey, buttery tones. I can taste almost any vegetable exactly as before (maybe a sign my body is giving me to eat more veggies??). I am still getting a sore throat after eating certain things, which is a reminder to gargle more and that I'm still healing. 

I'm definitely still battling fatigue, but not so bad that I can't do anything. I can pretty much carry on with my normal every day tasks this far out, but need to take lots of little breaks throughout the day. Not full on naps, but just rests where I don't do much besides read or watch TV or do a puzzle. I even started taking a yoga class and have got some small weights I'm using to try and build back some of my muscle mass (I lost about 20 lbs overall). 

Anyway, I want everyone to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And believe me, I was in the darkest depths where I really couldn't believe that things would ever get better. To the point of just wanting to roll over and die. And, I'm usually a pretty positive person. Just know that if you have any history of depression or anxiety, the post treatment period could trigger another serious episode. I think we're so focused on treatment and getting through it, that when it's over we're suddenly overwhelmed by the lack of a daily plan. You're still suffering physically, but now there are no doctor appointments to go to, just time to heal and recover and that phase can feel like it's never going to end. 

Keep fighting everyone!