I just had a major meltdown
I can sympathize with LindyLu. I HATE this cancer; I hate what has happened to my body; I hate what has happened to my mind!!
I have been stressing over my nine month checkup for the past week which I THOUGHT was tomorrow. It was today! My calendar in my purse is a regular monthly calendar but my refrigerator one starts on Monday instead of Sunday. I looked at my pocket calendar when I wrote it on my home calendar three months ago..... DAMN!!
The doctor's office called me when I got home from work today. I was so upset I started to cry on the phone. The poor woman I was talking to was trying to tell me it was ok, that they weren't mad. I tried to explain to her how stressful this is with these three month visits. First she said I'd have to wait until the second week of October but then she said they could squeeze me in next Wednesday. I thanked her but I was still sobbing when I hung up. She must think I'm crazy!!
I got off the phone and just sat down and cried and cried and cried. I cried because I'm getting old, I'm losing my mind, I can't feel my fingers and toes, I still have bowel problems, I'm always tired and my old life is gone forever. Poor old Eldri - wah wah wah.
But tomorrow is another day and I will pull myself up by the seat of my pants (or my Depends) and put one foot in front of the other and carry on.
Thanks for listening, guys!! NOBODY understands this unless you go through it. I love you all!
Love,
Eldri
Comments
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Edri i love you so very much.
Edri i love you so very much. i love how you can change such a bad day into something good. I know you. You will carry on. I think back about all the things you have been through with this cancer stuff and just know how strong you are. Looks to me like you are able to put cancer behind you a bit and not take it so seriously or you wouldnt have read that wrong or gone to work. I am proud of you for putting cancer behind you. At least that is what i think any ways. I think your brain is working just great. Thats been my fear lately(that i wont beable to get past this cancer stuff even though tomarrow is my last chemo). Thanks to these wonderful friends here im making progress.
Believe it or not you just gave me hope.
Janae
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Share a Cuppa
My Dear Sweet Eldri,
You have lots of company in that boat.. and we have all melted down from time to time. Actually will do you good to just let it all hang out. Now for the record, YOU are NOT OLD... You are my age and I will be darned if I am old. I screwed up an appt not too long ago but thankfully I went in a week early rather than late.(hubby took off work to go with me) I am not losing my mind so you are not losing your mind.. You keep too many balls in the air with your work, your tree house, your family and your cancer and you take time to always lay the magic words on us when we need it. So just face it lady, you will survive and you will have a good life. Maybe no more mini skirts but you have life and you have fought so hard for it. Just vent and if you drink have a nice glass of wine and a bubble bath. Bless you dear friend. I truly wish I could be with you and we could share that cuppa. You are so brave and strong, but even superman needs to unwind sometime. Bless you.
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Oh, Eldri. I am sorry,this
Oh, Eldri. I am sorry,this,happened. We are all under such stress for those checkup appointments. It is such a mixture of fear of the unknown And hope for the future and to miss one is hard. I am so glad that my cancer center always calls the day before to remind me. They must know they are dealing with a person with chemo brain. A good cry helps so much to relief stress. I am glad you had a good pity party now you can pick your self up and go on. You made it through cancer and you will make it through recovery.
Hugs and prayers, Lou Ann
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I so like blaming mybrissance said:Share a Cuppa
My Dear Sweet Eldri,
You have lots of company in that boat.. and we have all melted down from time to time. Actually will do you good to just let it all hang out. Now for the record, YOU are NOT OLD... You are my age and I will be darned if I am old. I screwed up an appt not too long ago but thankfully I went in a week early rather than late.(hubby took off work to go with me) I am not losing my mind so you are not losing your mind.. You keep too many balls in the air with your work, your tree house, your family and your cancer and you take time to always lay the magic words on us when we need it. So just face it lady, you will survive and you will have a good life. Maybe no more mini skirts but you have life and you have fought so hard for it. Just vent and if you drink have a nice glass of wine and a bubble bath. Bless you dear friend. I truly wish I could be with you and we could share that cuppa. You are so brave and strong, but even superman needs to unwind sometime. Bless you.
I so like blaming my forgetfulness on chemo brain, it can't be because of my,age because I am not old. Not sure what I am going to do when I can't use chemo brain as an excuse.
Lou Ann
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Oh Eldri! We can all relate
Oh Eldri! We can all relate to this, but I like the way you can deal with it with a bit of humor:) ahh those calendars! I bought one for my mom-in-law who is suffering with early dementia. I finally took a good look at it and realized that it started with Monday. Yikes! I got rid of it and bought a new one:)
Best of luck with your next appointmenT. I'm sure youre not the first cancer patient to have this mix up with appointments. Bless you!
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Thanks guys! I woke up this
Thanks guys! I woke up this morning in a better frame of mind. I talked to my husband and our daughter last night and although they don't understand the stress of these appointments, they both tried to make me feel better. We have a wedding tomorrow of one of our son's college friends and our son is standing up in the wedding. So....I am really looking forward to that. We met his parents when the boys played baseball together in college and his mother is the same age as our oldest daughter - LOL! I'm going to try to NOT think of that tomorrow. I was the oldest baseball mom and she was the youngest but when I was with her (and the other moms), I felt younger.
Well, I'd better hop on my new exercise bike and peddle a few miles this morning. It's one like I had when I was in physical therapy. The retail on it is almost $2000 but our son bought it for me for $200. The lady's ex-husband bought it and never used it so now it's mine. Since I've been using it, I haven't had to take ANY pain medication for my neuropathy at night at all. Once in awhile I'll get a twinge in my feet but nothing like I was getting. It felt like a knife or big needle was being shoved into my foot and it would wake me up from a sound sleep. Fingers crossed that this lasts. I figure between the acupressurist and my bike, my neuropathy is getting better!! Remember Stuart Smalley from SNL and his "Daily Affirmation?" Well, I'm going to be Eldri Smalley and do my own daily affirmations!! And as Stuart would say, "I refuse to beat myself up!" No more "stinkin' thinkin'!
Love,
Eldri
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Boy do I know how you feel
We all go through this at one time or another. Wishing, hoping, and feeling like we want our old life back but........... not going to happen so we put our strong faces back on and go on being glad we are here. Knowing how my brain works now each and everyday I look at the calendar to see what my schedule is for the up and coming next day or week ahead. Thankfully being retired I don't have to inject that schedule in my daily life.
My best wishes on your next appointment and just keep positive thoughts.
Hug and prayers coming your way.
Jerri
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Eldri,EZLiving66 said:Thanks guys! I woke up this
Thanks guys! I woke up this morning in a better frame of mind. I talked to my husband and our daughter last night and although they don't understand the stress of these appointments, they both tried to make me feel better. We have a wedding tomorrow of one of our son's college friends and our son is standing up in the wedding. So....I am really looking forward to that. We met his parents when the boys played baseball together in college and his mother is the same age as our oldest daughter - LOL! I'm going to try to NOT think of that tomorrow. I was the oldest baseball mom and she was the youngest but when I was with her (and the other moms), I felt younger.
Well, I'd better hop on my new exercise bike and peddle a few miles this morning. It's one like I had when I was in physical therapy. The retail on it is almost $2000 but our son bought it for me for $200. The lady's ex-husband bought it and never used it so now it's mine. Since I've been using it, I haven't had to take ANY pain medication for my neuropathy at night at all. Once in awhile I'll get a twinge in my feet but nothing like I was getting. It felt like a knife or big needle was being shoved into my foot and it would wake me up from a sound sleep. Fingers crossed that this lasts. I figure between the acupressurist and my bike, my neuropathy is getting better!! Remember Stuart Smalley from SNL and his "Daily Affirmation?" Well, I'm going to be Eldri Smalley and do my own daily affirmations!! And as Stuart would say, "I refuse to beat myself up!" No more "stinkin' thinkin'!
Love,
Eldri
Eldri,
Glad you are feeling better today! I have been considering getting a bike. What kind did you get please?
My neuropothy comes and goes. Some days it is there but doesn't hurt and then I have had the last three weeks of it hurting a lot. So strange. I am walking 4 miles every day. Not all at one time. Still doing my Fitbit stuff! But, it is hard to do when the old feet hurt. So, I have been thinking about trying to get my cardio in without all of it being on my feet.
I hope you enjoy the wedding and continue to keep your feet pain free!
Love and Hugs,
Cindi
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oh let it out
Hi Eldri, this journey is a roller-coaster, for sure! Yup, right there with you in the melt-down catagory. So glad you woke up feeling better and stronger. It's strange how one mix-up can open the flood gates of all those pent-up emotions. But I found that one well-timed "gift" can make your day! Driving home yesterday I looked in my rear-view mirror to see a beautiful rainbow in the sky. I knew that rainbow was just for me! It gave me so much joy and brightened my whole day...a sign from the universe that all will be well. I'm hanging on to that.
Peace to you and have fun at that wedding, ~LL
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Well, those meltdowns are at
Well, those meltdowns are at least good for clearing one's sinuses, aren't they? At least that's what I tell myself. We all need and are entitled to have them IMHO.
Oh, lord! Those calenders! I've been keeping everything in a two-year pocket calender and only there. Less chance of confusion that way, but oh boy if I ever missplace it!!!
Hang in there Eldri and everybody else! We are all each other's lifeline when the going get's rough. Some days are good and some days really suck. Don't know what I'd do without you all!
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Hang in there Eldri! I can
Hang in there Eldri! I can definitely sympathize with the schedule mix-up. Combined with everything else you're going through, a melt-down is emminent and totally reasonable. The nurse/receptionist has probably had to deal with this numerous times.
I'm glad she was able to fit you in next Wednesday rather than the second week of October. I think waiting is the worst part of all this!
Take a step back, relax, and go ahead and rant all you want! It's healthy and everyone here understands!
Love,
Rebecca0 -
So glad you are feelingEZLiving66 said:Thanks guys! I woke up this
Thanks guys! I woke up this morning in a better frame of mind. I talked to my husband and our daughter last night and although they don't understand the stress of these appointments, they both tried to make me feel better. We have a wedding tomorrow of one of our son's college friends and our son is standing up in the wedding. So....I am really looking forward to that. We met his parents when the boys played baseball together in college and his mother is the same age as our oldest daughter - LOL! I'm going to try to NOT think of that tomorrow. I was the oldest baseball mom and she was the youngest but when I was with her (and the other moms), I felt younger.
Well, I'd better hop on my new exercise bike and peddle a few miles this morning. It's one like I had when I was in physical therapy. The retail on it is almost $2000 but our son bought it for me for $200. The lady's ex-husband bought it and never used it so now it's mine. Since I've been using it, I haven't had to take ANY pain medication for my neuropathy at night at all. Once in awhile I'll get a twinge in my feet but nothing like I was getting. It felt like a knife or big needle was being shoved into my foot and it would wake me up from a sound sleep. Fingers crossed that this lasts. I figure between the acupressurist and my bike, my neuropathy is getting better!! Remember Stuart Smalley from SNL and his "Daily Affirmation?" Well, I'm going to be Eldri Smalley and do my own daily affirmations!! And as Stuart would say, "I refuse to beat myself up!" No more "stinkin' thinkin'!
Love,
Eldri
So glad you are feeling better. We all have days like today that or at least I sure do. Sometimes I think we need days like that to help us appreciate how good the other days are.
Lou Ann
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If we'd known those were the good ol' days,
we would have enjoyed them more! I'm glad you're feeling somewhat better today, Eldri. Hope you enjoy the wedding. Try not to beat yourself up for getting confused about that appointment. For the record, I've heard we can use the excuse of chemo-brain forever! Meltdowns happen for many reasons, and they will continue to happen when you least expect them - hopefully less often as time goes on.
Hugs, Suzanne
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I agree with Suzanne!
We all look back to " the good old days" but never recognized them as such while they are happening! These days are Great Days! You beat cancer and all the horrible side effects of treatment, you're alive and kicking, you have a great excuse for forgetting things! Your friends and family have rallied around you and you can truly appreciate how much you are loved. Yes your old life is gone but your new life is filled with family friends and victory! We all need to appreciate our "now" and make the most of the time we have been given. This is something I tell myself all the time. Lots of love, Sandy
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Cindi, it's a True PS50TeddyandBears_Mom said:Eldri,
Eldri,
Glad you are feeling better today! I have been considering getting a bike. What kind did you get please?
My neuropothy comes and goes. Some days it is there but doesn't hurt and then I have had the last three weeks of it hurting a lot. So strange. I am walking 4 miles every day. Not all at one time. Still doing my Fitbit stuff! But, it is hard to do when the old feet hurt. So, I have been thinking about trying to get my cardio in without all of it being on my feet.
I hope you enjoy the wedding and continue to keep your feet pain free!
Love and Hugs,
Cindi
Cindi, it's a True PS50 recumbent bike. I like that it takes the stress off my hips - I have a sciatic nerve problem, but lets me move my knees, angles and feet.
We live out in the country and there are no sidewalks. The roads are narrow with very little shoulder on them so I just about have to drive to the mall to walk and then I still have the hip problem. This is better for me.
Love,
Eldri
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Reading these posts made me cry again but happy tears because I have so many good friends here. I love you all!!!
Love,
Eldri
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Thank you Eldri! Going toEZLiving66 said:Cindi, it's a True PS50
Cindi, it's a True PS50 recumbent bike. I like that it takes the stress off my hips - I have a sciatic nerve problem, but lets me move my knees, angles and feet.
We live out in the country and there are no sidewalks. The roads are narrow with very little shoulder on them so I just about have to drive to the mall to walk and then I still have the hip problem. This is better for me.
Love,
Eldri
Thank you Eldri! Going to take a look. :-)
0
I'm happy to see that you are feeling better today. 
no more stinkin thinkin!!!!
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