Just a personal "CHAT with PAT"~hope heart checkup will turn out OK!

Good afternoon Pat:

I’m glad “KIKZ” was able to give you a more direct and helpful answer to your heart problem.  So it seems that it might only be an “on and off” thing relative to your cancer diagnosis.  I see she’s been here since 2010. That’s encouraging, although we know that there are lots of “rough patches” along the road, and yet thankful to find some “smooth spots” along the way.  As for your tiredness, my energy has never been the same since my diagnosis, and I don’t expect to get it back.  With ongoing cancer, even when we’re not actively taking chemo, we just don’t “bounce back.”  Lest we also remember that with age, our minds seem to be forever “young” while our “body” says “Oh Yeah?”  But I’m thankful that every day is not a “drag!” 

 You ask how I’m doing.  Well, for one thing, I did a good thing.  I  took the plunge and went to the local beauty shop and got a permanent in my hair that had grown a “whopping 3 to 4 inches” in a YEAR!  That’s a bit on the slow side.  And it seemed to grow more in some places than in others!  I read some pros and cons about when to get a perm on “new hair after chemo treatments” and found that it was 6 of one and half a dozen of the other.  I talked to my doctor and nurse, and they agreed, “Go for it!”  So I did, and the hair did not “fall out!”  So I “look” more like a healthy person even though my inner workings remain in somewhat disarray. 

 Also, I just went to the eye surgeon yesterday, and had laser surgery on my right eye.  So this week requires a maintenance schedule—putting 5 different kinds of drops in my eye 4X a day.  That takes some doing, but so far things are going well.  And if this one is successful, and I think it will be, I will be having the left eye worked on next week.  The cataracts had gotten so bad that my prescription eye glasses were not serving the purpose.  They’ve been “growing” for a long time, but way back the eye doctor said it’s not a question of when they are “ripe”.  It’s a question of when your vision becomes impaired to the point that it becomes a problem.  But I can’t complain, I have eyes and I can see.  The ability to see is something we can easily take for granted until one day we start to have eyesight problems.  So in short, it seems that none of us were created with parts that were guaranteed to last forever, were we? If so, Adam and Eve would still be around.  Now as for their being happily married in today’s chaotic world—well that’s another whole discussion.  (LOL)                              

You know I think of you often and just mention your name in prayer because God knows exactly how you feel.  He alone can give you the peace that you and I need to cope with an Ovarian cancer from day to day.  Most likely you, like me, have a calendar filled with doctor appointments.  But I have to say, “Thank God I’ve got a doctor that I trust to listen to me, and try to help me.”  I’ve had a couple of x-rays lately to keep a watch on the Pleural Effusion in my chest.  So far the doctor doesn’t think it’s enough to drain.  And with Cytoreductive Surgery, I’m making a lot more trips to the bathroom because my bowels won’t adhere to my schedule.  Oh no, they interrupt me at all times of the day and sometimes nights as well.  But now I’ve come to realize that it’s a byproduct of having one’s intestines resected.  Yes, it’s aggravating, but just have to say, “Well thank God my bowels are moving instead of dealing with blocked intestines.”  I was on the verge of that back in June of 2015.  It was an excruciating pain akin to childbirth.  Most mothers probably still remember that pain. 

 And as for your fatigue, if you’re like me, you’re just going to have to get used to it.  When I step in the shower, I have to do so ever so carefully, because I am not as strong as I was BC (Before Cancer).  I remember a time when I was so weak during the chemo treatments that I had to ride in a wheelchair when going down the halls at the Oncology Lab.  At home, I was so weak, I had to use a shower chair in order to get a shower.  And so nowadays, I say “Thank God I can stand!”  But with cancer, we never know what to expect, and it really is a day-to-day coping mechanism that we have to employ to stay sane, and keep a positive attitude.  Yes, some days are much more worrisome than others.  But we have to weigh the “good with the bad” and count our blessings.  After all, there really are others who are worse off than me. 

             In Sunday school, Sunday, one of our classmates asked prayer for his cousin who has just now had his second leg amputated at the knee due to diabetes.  So I thought to myself, “My soul what if I had both my legs cut off at the knee?  I think I’m at a disadvantage now, what if I couldn’t walk on my own power.  And when I have a new unexplainable pain somewhere, just as you do now, “I have to have a talk with myself, and say, “Okay Loretta are you going to dwell on this all day today?”  For a moment, “Old lady panic” tries to worm her way in and ruin the day.”  That’s a bummer.  So it’s my choice, let her steal the good things I have going for me, or just make a note on the calendar, and if it persists, call my doctor?  We have to “fight our fears” or they can consume us.  So I have a few moments of diagnosing my own pains and making notes for my eventual obituary.  But then I think of all the things that are good about this day, and I decide, “Nope this ain’t the day I’m gonna’ throw in the towel.” 

 And is so often the case, when I do go to a doctor’s office or out shopping in the stores, I’m met folks who always smile and say, “Hi how are you?”  You know in the South, we often smile and say Hi to people we pass on the street.  Now I know that “a High-how-are-you greeting is merely a formality in most cases.  Most often, they don’t really expect an answer.  But very often, I smile and say, “Well you know for a Stage IV Terminal Ovarian Cancer, I’m doing JUST FINE!” 

 Lastly, my dear mama gave me a plaque a long time ago.  It reads:  “BEFORE YOU GO TO BED, GIVE YOUR TROUBLES TO GOD.  HE’LL BE UP ALL NIGHT ANYWAY! 

 What better advice could she have given me?  So when I think of you, I say, “Lord be near to Pat, comfort her and give her wisdom to know what to do.” 

 May both of us give our troubles to the Lord, He’s awake 24/7!  And with that, I just told my husband, "You know what I want?  I want to go to Krispy Kreme and get a dozen donuts, fresh off the cooker."  He said, "Let's go!"  So I'll "run down" and then "waddle home."  Thank God I still have a good appetite.

 Love Loretta