Why is he fighting every step

Nanabeck
Nanabeck Member Posts: 12
in Head and Neck Cancer #1

Hi I just need some opinions. My husband has been going thru rad and chemo and is almost done, 1 more chemo and 7 more radiation treatments. We were given the whole scenerio from day one of what to expect along the way and it has gone just that way. Hes lost 43 and counting pounds hasnt been able to swallow anything except water for awhile now and is still refusing a feeding tube. They do labs quite a bit and he doesnt want to do it half the time. They have tried to help him in everyway possible and hes refusing to follow the program and has fallen 4 times now. He gets mad at me if I tell the drs anything. He just isnt getting were all just trying to keep him alive and help him. I cant take much more, any suggestions? Sorry for the long rant. 

Comments

  • CivilMatt
    CivilMatt Member Posts: 4,724 Member
    #2
    too bad

    Nanabeck,

    Get him some padded clothing for falls and put in ear plugs.

    Probably all you can do is baby him through 1 more week of rads and 2 months of healing.  All that is mostly asked of a H&N patient is to stay hydrated and nourished and battle the side effects as needed.  Maybe, he needs additional meds for his mental well-being, treatments are hard, we each find a way to cope and hopefully by not taking it out on our caregiver.

    I cannot explain digging in his heals, everything you propose will contribute to him getting to his new normal sooner.  I guess, going through treatments angry is another path to success, one generally not taken.

    I lost 40+ pounds, did not get back to normal eating for 7 months, but everything turned out fine.

    Matt

  • georgiasurfer
    georgiasurfer Member Posts: 63 Member
    edited September 2016 #3
    Email

    Do you have access to a system that lets you send messages to his providers?  If so send them a message and explain what's going on or maybe run talk to the nurse while he's getting radiation treatments. 

    I replied to your other thread today too. I recommend getting yourself something to help. Maybe your own doctor can call you in something to settle your emotions and help with the crying. I can't imagine going thru this without mine. It's not a permanent medication, just for now when you need it. 

    So sorry you are going through this and he's being so difficult to help. Hang in there. 

  • RushFan
    RushFan Member Posts: 224
    edited September 2016 #4
    Don't give up

    I remember the last few weeks of my treatments. I had lost 40+ lbs. as well. I refused a feedng tube from day one and was threatened that I would have to have one if my caloric intake did not improve. I survived on Ensure and Fentanyl patches and it was not fun.

    But here's the thing. My wife, Rad Onc and radiation techs all told me 'how well I was doing', that 'I was almost there' and repeatedly told me 'I could do this.' And I did. That was over six years ago. It was a long road, but I'm back to my old weight and my old self. Very few lasting side effects, and the one's that I have are very managable for now.

    Best,

    Chuck

     

  • Kari2007
    Kari2007 Member Posts: 108
    edited September 2016 #5
    Last few weeks

    Those last few weeks are really hard and I remember wanting it all to just stop at that point. I was meeting with my nurse and doctor in radiology that last week and just sobbing because I was so tired of it all. They did a good job of encouraging me to push the way through. The not getting any nutrition in is concerning and I wonder if he is depressed. Has he been on any antidepressants or has anyone evaluated him for depression?

    I realized last week (three weeks after treatment ended) that I had sunk into a severe depression. Treatment was over, but my body and mind were spent and I could easily see myself just not eating because it all seemed too much. It's hard to explain to someone who hasn't gone through it, but this treatment can really take it out of you. I actually ended up in an inpatient mental health hospital for a few days because I was so overwhelmed. So, if I were you, I would check in with his providers and tell them that you are concerned about his behavior, which seems a little more extreme than just having a hard time with treatment. I don't think the doctors do a good enough job making sure mental health services are in place for patients who need them, especially considering what a traumatic treatment this can be for people. 

    My two cents,

    Kari

  • freetime
    freetime Member Posts: 4
    #6
    I drink Smoothies with

    I drink Smoothies with protien powder, Boost , or Ensure and soft foods . Some days i would not eat much to rest my throat. I lost 30 pounds.

  • Tmclaren
    Tmclaren Member Posts: 15
    edited September 2016 #7
    Depression

    I finished my treatments for Bot cancer 3 years ago . During my treatments I became severely depressed if it had not been for my husband getting me to treatments everyday I'm sure I would have given up . Everyone is different but these really are brutal treatments and it takes its toll physically and emotionally .I finally got on an antidepressant and antianxiety meds and day by day I started to turn around and realize after I fought so hard to live I needed to start enjoying the gift of life again . As hard as it is on the caregivers we the patient that are fighting this horrible disease have a host of emotions including fear anxiety quilt  exhaustion and pain . Everyone handles there journey differently I for one did not handle it well .But here I am 3 years later back to enjoying life again .I'm not the person I was before but have taken comfort in knowing this has become my new normal .All you can do is be there for your husband and one day before you know it I'm sure he will be back to enjoying life again .All of us that have had someone help us through this overwhelming time in are lives while we fight this battle are extremely grateful even if we don't  always let our loved ones know . Take one day at a time bless you both ..Tammy

  • phrannie51
    phrannie51 Member Posts: 4,716
    #8
    I think some people

    get really pissed when they get scared.  That fear is expressed in anger.  If he's always been the macho type, I'm sure falling, being weak, feeling sick, is interfering with how he sees himself..."the strong man".  That could be very depressing.  There's no shame in taking antidepressents during this treatment (tho   he probably won't do that either).  That said, he knows he's being stubborn, and he knows it's pushing your buttons...  My advice is to not push him...mention things....and then wait until he came claim it as his idea.

    p

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