I want my life back!!

Oh, Eldri! I am so sorry to hear that you are going through all of this. You deserve your real life back. I hope and pray that your oncologist gives you a referral to the Gastro and that they can help you with your physical problems.

Maybe you, your husband and all of your children need to have a family meeting to discuss what is going on and what you need from them? If the two younger children hear it straight from you, it may sink in with them. They are adults and deserve to know what they can do to help you.

My thoughts and prayers are with you as you work through this. Kim

Oh, Eldri!

 You sure had that cry coming! The mental image of it has got me so upset. I think all of us here echo that same sentiment because mentally or physically our lives will never be what they were before.

 Now it’s time for a little tough love for that family of yours! They’re adults, for crying out loud!

 I am what is known as a mean momma raised by a mean momma who had a mean momma. What you described as your family's expectations just makes my blood boil for you! If I had a nickel for every time I heard “I hate you” while my kids were growing up my husband could have retired 20 years ago. But, you know what?  Now I hear “thank you” a lot because my kids are self-sufficient and have learned how to cope with life’s setbacks. You do no one, not yourself, not your husband, and not your kids any favors when you hurt yourself trying to live up to their desire for things to go back to the way they were for them. They need to come to terms with reality. This does not resolve as fast as they want it to so that their lives can be the same again. Step back, take care of yourself, and let them figure out the rest as you enjoy the show. They’ll be stronger for it and you’ll be prouder of them.

I definetly  echo MAbound.  You dont own them any thing. My kids are still young. 10 and 13 but when my kids try to expext things out of me.  I dont like it.  Especially when they are the ones that messed it up.   I dont do it.  I believe in kids doing what they can for them selves.  I wont be there for them when they get older and they need to know.

Hi Eldri,

I'm very sorry to hear about the rough time you've been having.  I completed treatment 17 years ago, so I have a little perspective.  Since finishing treatment in 1999, I've never completely gone back to life BC (before cancer).  Things definitely get better over the years, but I think you are being way too hard on yourself expecting things to be back to the way they were before your diagnosis.  I know I didn't sleep for at least six months after my surgery, and it took me a long time to get back on track at home and work.  I still to this day have treatment-related side effects that incapacitate me for significant periods of time on an intermittent basis.  That's not to say that I don't love my AC (after cancer) life and have lots of fun, it's just to say that for many of us, our lives are never the same as they were BC. 

Given your current health issues, it sounds like you have way too much on your plate, and it's not all that good food you've been cooking!  You may want to consider putting your own physical and mental well-being first and enlisting the assistance of your family members to help you get back on track.  Do your two younger adult children know how to cook or bake?  If not, this may be a good time for them to learn.  I may be out on a limb here, but I think your children may think you're fine because you've tried very hard to convince them that you're fine.  They won't help if they don't know you need help.  Families often resist changes in the family dynamics unless they understand that the changes are inevitable. 

Hang in there, Eldri.  Better days are coming!  Good luck with getting your gastro issues resolved.  I was out of commission for most of August with a couple of back-to-back gastro issues, one definitely treatment related, and the other a mystery. 

Maureen

Eldri I am so sorry to hear and wish (like CQ) that you lived closer so I could come over and give you a big hug and we could talk about what we are going through.   I don't think some of our family, unless they went through this, realize we might look fine, but are never going to be better from this.  The other day I heard my husband on the phone with one of our friends telling him "I had a small bout with cancer but I am fine now".  I am sure when I was looking at him when he said this my mouth dropped open and I said it was not a small bout but a large bout and still is. I know he realizes I went through a lot with chemo and I am still going through bouts of after chemo.  I get to dropping things all the time and want to get mad at myself and say why didn't I hold on tighter but then my mind relaxes and says it's the chemo.  There are times when I am not feeling well inside meaning something is hurting and first thoughts that come into my head is the cancer coming back. Then a couple of days later or week later I begin to feel well again.  When those pains occur I keep the aspirin bottle handy and take a couple of them to see if that relieves the pain.  I am just a under a year of finding out I have uterine cancer and thoughts of it returning are still pretty close to the surface.  As much as I stay strong that I am going to beat this it is still to fresh in my mind to totally let go of it (and do you really ever - I don't think so). There are days when I feel on top of the world and am thankful for these days and look forward to them.  I like the saying by Maureen of calling our lives as BC (before cancer) and AC (after cancer) there is truely a difference in each and everyone of our lives.

Here is hoping you can get your gastro issues resolved.

Hugs Eldri hoping you can feel them.

Jerri

I'm so sorry to read about the perceived lack of support you're dealing with.  I gotta say, it's real, not just perceived.  And it just plain hurts.  The entire world (except those of us who have been through this) thinks you go in and get treatment and life goes back to normal and you're just like you used to be.  That isn't the case for everyone, and for those that it is, good for them!  Frankly, I think many act like everything is fine because family and friends do not want to hear about it anymore.  For them, the crisis is over and no matter how you feel, they simply don't believe it.  So come here, we're here and we get it. Try to learn to say no with no further explanation.  You are not your former self.  Some day you might be, but it doesn't sound like you're there yet.

About the bowel thing .... I did not have to have pelvic radiation, but a good friend did and she experiences these "events" rather regularly I'm afraid.  And she had the radiation 10 years ago.  Arghh.... I do have irritable bowel syndrome and have for year had these "events".  It's just never safe and just when I've decided it is, it isn't.  Ageing, coupled with having had children and finally having a hysterectomy, causes our muscle tone (hence control) to be effected.  I sort of now know what foods are often culprits and I even did physical therapy a year ago.  These things helped but did not totally cure things.  Chemotherapy and (in your case) radiation plays absolute havoc on the GI track.  I feel your pain.  It doesn't help that I believe this is more common than we know because it happens to us!  Do visit a GI doc.  You never know.  I actually saw a urogynecologist recently.  She recommends this website:  http://www.voicesforpfd.org/ as pelvic floor issues also include bowel issues. 

Hugs, Suzanne who feels your pain.

Even the best warriors like you have bad days every so often. Sorry you had a particulary bad one.

Try to hang in there because tomorrow will hopefully be a better one.

We love you.

Red

I agree with everyone else that you should see a GI doctor. If you can get improvement in that one area of your life it might help make dealing with the other things easier. Good luck to you. Keep us posted.

Im so sorry you are going thru so much! I agree with what others have said, you need to step back from trying to make everything just like it was BC. Give yourself permission to do less, put yourself first. I'm glad your husband is able to empathize and you need to acknowledge to him that you are not, and may never be, your old self. Don't feel obligated to do everything you did BC! Surgery, chemo, radiation do a number on all of us. They especially seem to aggravate  pre existing problems.

It's been more than two years since I completed treatment and I sometimes feel like cancer, and the treatment for it, have aged me a good 10 years. I'm often dizzy, my balance is awful, my restless leg syndrome has gotten much worse and my memory, which was never great, has gotten worse. And, yes, I still sometimes feel the foggy effect of chemo brain!  

Eldri, let your children know that while you are done with cancer you are still recovering from the truly awful reactions you had to treatment. You are not your old self and you may need to remind them that you could use their help and support and most of all, their recognition that you have been through an ordeal and need their support to recover both physically and emotionally! Lots of love!