Depressed. Nothing working, progression marches on

Hey, Matt.  I'm fairly new to this as I was diagnosed a few weeks ago.  So, I can't offer you much other than the opportunity to read your posts and send you positive thoughts and know that I'm praying for you.  I've spent a lot of time reading the different topics from people poring out their heart and soul hoping for something to stop this cancer.  I have to tell you from about 2011-2012  the opportunities for new meds really took off.  I've seen numerious times on this board new trials that lead to good outcomes.  I guess I'm saying, in short, don't give up hope.  Keep searching and fighting.

Stub

I, as well as many others, will be praying for you and that they offer you something that works.  Please keep us posted.

Donna~

I'm so sorry and your depression and frustration is completely understandable. But this disease is so damned unpredictable, and fortunately it's unpredictable even for the positive turns. So I agree with everyone; don't give up and keep trying whatever they throw at you. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts with fingers crossed that one of those clinical trials will be perfect for you.

is the word. Not depressed. I may know how you feel. My latest nivo failure has me still blown away. Take some time and regroup. Matt, I also am finding more frequent failure with treatments. Therefore staying upbeat now is extra important.

Oh sweet Matt, your post brought me to tears! Your situation is real, your emotions raw and I say, you can FEEL whatever you need to in order to ANY negativity OUT of you~ None of us can know what you are experiencing.

It breaks my heart that you have had such a rough road of late.

BUT.. try really hard to just focus on the NOW, today~!

When we project into the future and all the "what ifs"

we'd go crazy. You cannot afford to use UP your energy on the negativity.

Because you were courageous enough to be honest with us, know that now I am forever connected to you~

Sending you healing vibes, and loving thoughts.

The warmest hug, Jan

Matt, it does sound as if your journey is pretty discouraging right now. Hang in there.  We're here, pulling for you, praying, thinking good thoughts, holding you in our hearts. 

Vent away, keep us posted, the whole bit.  We care. 

MattInVa said:

Thanks for all the kind words

Thanks for all the kind words and encouragement.

I had to get it all out of my system. The let down from Opdivio and the amount of progression in 2 months knocked me back a lot.

On a positive note...I feel great....physically...I travel all the time. 2 weeks in the Austrian/Bavarian Alps, and I am in Ireland currently...I was squeezing these trips in between Opdivo infusions.....Fly out same day as my infusion return the day before the next round.

I have been living and I am not done yet. I have a good team of people assisting me, My onc, Tumor Board, cancer support staff and such helping me do the leg work on research for a suitable trial.

I do feel a dilema though....I feel good, I dont't feel ill, Im not tired, I gained weight, like to eat again. I feel as good as I did before I knew about My cancer (Diagnosed Aug 27th 2015).

I want to continue to feel good and alive. My fear is that the rigors of some of these trials will rob me of time, time which I can't get back if they fail and even if I get some time, its time that won't be pleasent, at least for the trials they are suggesting, most of which are radical  Phase I or II's.

I have a few more days before I return to reality from my latest foreign escape. I dread the decisions I must make or not make I guess.

I suppose that if there had been more sucess with other Meds or Positive reuslts from the tumor boards analysis that I would be more optomistic regarding trials.

I was supposed to be leaving for Rome Sat and taking a drive through Italy to France, if Opdivo had just given me a month.

I did roll up myseleves today and hit the keyboard hard, sending emails and researching trials...ALL day as a matter of fact. Its 3:15am now and I am still reading writing emails.

 

I am rambling as my thoughts do a lot now. So I will say this again, Thank you for allowing me to vent it out here, the hope, fear, anger, love and reality all crash together sometimes.

 

Matt

"I do feel a dilema though....I feel good, I dont't feel ill, Im not tired, I gained weight, like to eat again. I feel as good as I did before I knew about My cancer (Diagnosed Aug 27th 2015).

I want to continue to feel good and alive. My fear is that the rigors of some of these trials will rob me of time, "

Thats the bugger tho' isnt it? We can put up with the SE's until they stop: then we dont want them back again. I'm carrying on with Nivo even though one of my mets has started growing disturbingly quickly, it seemed to be working and I loved the lack of SE's My docs want to pair it with very aggressive radiation. I'm trying not to hope for success, because I dont know how I would cope with the disappointment.  I'm going to try and take it a day at a time, tho' it seems that it was easier when I was a cancer virgin.

Good luck. Keep in touch

Keeping you in my thoughts and hoping things take a turn in a positive way in your health.  I feel so out of words and aware of english being foreing to me when trying to convey feelings in words. My heart goes out to you Matt