There is good in all this

Thanks all three of you for your good and kind words.  20 years ago when i had cancer i seemed to not have negative feelings to share.  I felt very greatful for what people did for me at the time.  No! didnt like what i had to do but didnt feel a need to share my negative feelings.  i contibuted that to the fact that i felt so supported by my family and friends.  It was so long ago so i dont remember everything but im sure i talked about  having cancer and probably complained at times.  I just remember feeling greatful most of the time.  So im trying to figure out still why i have a hard time sometimes.  Its normal I know.  It has helped so much to come here and share.  I feel so greatful and often feel i couldnt do this with out you guys.  I love you guys.  Its so good to know that its okay to struggle.  I was a home mom for 12 years and was glad i did that.  It was really hard to go back to work after all those years.  I accually thought about it for years before i did it.  my job came at a good time and it really worked for my scedule. I worked when my kids were at school. At the time i got the job i was so thrilled that i got it.  I was jumping around the house saying, " i got a job!  I got a job!  Once i applyed for the job the job fell right into my lap pretty much.  I went to the interview not expecting to get the job.  two days later i got a call saying i got the job.  I was trilled especially since previosly to applying for the job i had a pretty low self esteem when it came to getting and keeping a job.  I had told myself for a long time that i wouldnt beable to get or do a job.  The job isnt a perfect job and I definetly found thinks i didnt like but it did   and does mean alot me.  I think that is why me getting cancer  was so hard. I dont want to loose my job even for a short time.  My husband and i seperated a while after i got the job.  It worked out that we divorced and so i was really glad I had a job.   So some times i feel frustrated that i have cancer and am being effected by the treatments.  Ive been feeling dizzy since mt 2nd treaatment.  i called my nurse and i am doing all the right things exceti might need a little more fuid in me.  10 or so more onces a day.  I am my trying eggshell membraine for my joint pain in my legs.  maybe there is still hope.  I have my third treatment before i start work so maybe i can work out this dizzyness before then.  Ive talked to my nurse about changing my chemo days on thursday so my worst days will be on the weekend when i dont work.