Grasping at Straws

LonelyOnly
LonelyOnly Member Posts: 11
in Caregivers #1

So my mom was diagnosed with metastatic kidney cancer in April. It had already spread to her lower spine and some surrounding bones. She is single and has ZERO savings so she came to live with me and my husband. 

She did the radiation and maybe 4 chemo treatments before she just decided to stop and throw health food at it for a cure. She's trying anything and everything that people send her way. Juicing, coconut oil smoothies, something called Protandim, some kind of mushrooms, and now someone is bringing over fermented cabbage (isn't that just sauerkraut??). I'm over here in reality world listening to her complaints about her leg going completely numb and how she's experiencing bloody stools, thinking it is probably spreading. And I just get to sit here helpless and watch. 

This is probably not true, but I almost think I'd have an easier time if she had said she didn't want the treatments because she just wanted to let go and let it be her time. Maybe that's what's really happening but the amount of denial I've seen in her is scary and makes me think she doesn't understand what's happening. 

I fricking live in my room most of the time because I feel so resentful and sad when I'm around her. 

And I guess the truth of it all is just that the cancer was always going to suck, the treatments were only going to be able to do so much, I would feel resentful either way because it's part of the grieving process, etc. etc. 

I just needed to vent because I can't deal today. 

Comments

  • Jamma
    Jamma Member Posts: 7
    #2
    I hope venting helps, it

    I hope venting helps, it helps me. :) I'm sorry you're dealing with this. The doctor didn't mention clinical trials as a possibility? I can relate tho. I have trouble communicating about serious stuff with my ma. Sometimes I call her best friend and she tells me what's really going on. 

    I used to nag my mom because she would never change her diet and try to be healthy. Still drinking soda and eating hotdogs etc.. But I let it go because nagging is no good, but I felt helpless watching her just rely on the treatments. I don't know what to believe anymore about whether diet, alkalinity etc really matters. People constantly telling me chemo is what kills people. Anyways, just wanted to reach out to you. we could vent together anytime. 

     

  • JOinMO
    JOinMO Member Posts: 9
    #3
    I'm here to listen

    I'm here to listen, so feel free to vent away.  My dear friend of almost 30 years was recently diagnosed with GBM (aggressive, non-operable brain cancer) and eats hot dogs and processed lunch meat all the time.  I have had some conversations with her about her diet, but I also recognize even if she changes it, the chances are she's not going to live long enough for them to find a cure for her cancer.  So why not live the life she enjoys?  Instead I'm providing fresh organic soup to her weekly, encouraging fresh fruit purchases, and this week I'm dropping off family size green drinks from Sam's.  In the end, it's her life and her decisions how to live it, right?  The lack of control is already frustrating to me, so I understand what you're saying.  While you are tasked with watching it all unfold, please know you are in my prayers.

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