Young Mothers with Cancer

Hi everyone! I just want to say everyone on this board is so strong and as a mom we have to be but this is a great place to let go and ask questions.  Im 32 yrs old and a mom of  a 16 moth old girl and 4 yr old boy. I was just diagnosed with kidney cancer.  How can this be?  I still keep thinking it's not real. im in The process of choosing a surgeon.  I feel like it's such a big decision.  I find my self thinking the worst but I know I have to fight and be strong for my family.  Hope we can all help each other.  I think a Facebook page is a good idea too!  

Another sleepless night, The words flow out of my mind like a dripping faucet annoying and costly. I'm sick of tossing and turning and the pain. I'm afraid that my world is crashing down around me and no one understands it except me. I'm so good at being the savior for other's that I'm afraid that I'm unable to know how to save myself. I start chemo next week and the only thought I have is losing my hair and becoming more weak and even more unattractive than I already feel. I have no energy to even do my makeup anymore, the dark circles under my eyes from the lack of sleep have become a staple of my everyday appearance. My boyfriend calls me beautiful and even though he is amazing I feel he is too kind. I yell at my kids for not understanding what I'm going through and making things harder on me with all the fighting and bickering that they do. I try to explain that stress is not good or healthy for me but they don't get it. I don't know how to be a mom anymore that doesn't have cancer. I try to not get emotional or think too much but the truth is I have no idea how to feel or if what I'm thinking will even matter to anyone else. It's been about my kids health for so long and I'm not sure that I can focus all my attention like everyone keeps saying on just me. I cried for about two hours straight last night and there was nothing that could have been said to make it better. I cant explain myself and not sure even if I could anyone would get it. I'm doing my best this week to just go day by day and breathe in and out and for now that is my attempt of dealing with anything that comes my way this week and the following weeks to come.