Tired (Feeling sorry for myself)

david54
david54 Member Posts: 164 Member
in Caregivers #1

Hi guys-I'm tired today. My wife had a tough week, high fever with increased back pain, likely from tumor on her spine. We are having our church over Sunday afternoon and I spent most of the week getting yard ready by myself because she was simply not up to helping (Understandable)

We left this morning for an MRI but found out the center is "Not in Network."

So this week I arranged her appoinments with her oncologist and Nursing Practioner, worked my **** off all week, cancelled breakfast with a friend this morning (Male friend-lol!) and we get to the MRI office only to be told they are not in our network and we will have to resechedule somewhere else.

It took all my strength not to lose it right there. Came close to breaking out in tears. I would have REALLY appreciated her oncologist knowing if the MRI they referred her to was in network.

Damn I'm tired.

 

Comments

  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    edited May 2016 #2
    I get it

    Last year my husband who is six years post treatment for throat cancer (sucessful) had 54 doctor's appointments and you gotta know not all of them went smoothly.

    David, I hope you can get some rest, the MRI is easily rescheduled and your wife has a good weekend.

    Hugs.  Remember to breathe!

  • mesocaregiver
    mesocaregiver Member Posts: 15
    #3
    Hi David,

    Hi David,

    I totally understand.  My husband got sick in August.  He has always been very healthy (we thought) and worked very hard.  In November and December he had two major surgeries.  We now know he has Mesothelioma.  He takes chemo every three weeks.  Has been in the hospital 10 times since August.  I understand just wanting to go eat breakfast with a friend.  I want to go shopping for clothes, get my hair fixed, get in a tanning bed.  Just anything to relax and forget it all for a hour or two.  I can't.  I have not left his side but maybe five times since November.  I do not have any help.  Children live far away.  I do all the household chores, cook for him, give his medicine, make sure he is ok.  Then, I do all the yard work.  We have 10 acres.  He can't help with anything!!!!  He is too sick.  Sometimes I get angry, depressed, sad, confused, worried, and so many other feelings.  Then, for very short periods of time I am happy because he is ok for a day.  Every move I make depends on how he is doing.  As far as doing work because people are coming to visit, Stop!  You have all you can handle without worring about how things look to others.  I tell people if possible to call before visiting.  I have also told some that show up unannounced that he is in bed and too sick for company.  I have to plan my yard work for days that I know he will be sleeping and not too sick for me to leave him and go outside.  Tell your church family that it is too hard to have so many guest at one time right now.  They should understand.  I really do not know any comforting words.  I feel the same way.  I am just thankful that my husband is still here for me to deal with all this.  Maybe one day it wll be better even though the last scan shows it has spread.  I always tell myself it beats the alternative (his heart stopped during his surgery).  I hope you have a peaceful, relaxing day.

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