My husband has prostate cancer

Hi Beeka,

I am so sorry to read about your husband and his case of prostate cancer.

Welcome to this discussion board, and you have come to the right place to receive advice and companionship, and to engage in discussions for possible ways to deal with your husband's situation.  Please keep in mind that we are not doctors or medical professionals, but we are all prostate cancer patients and survivors who are living with the disease every day, and we have performed a lot of our own research on the disease.  More important, we can share our own experiences with you and advise you on what worked for us, and what did not, and what side effects we may have experienced for different therapies.  Of course, each person's cancer is somewhat unique to them, and they may require differentl different therapies, and they may respond differently to those therapies.

We can also make recommendations on what medical professionals you should reach out to, and we can give you suggestions on what types of questions to ask these medical professionals, so that you can better understand the specific details surrounding your husband's disease.  Remember, the final decision on possible therapies are your husband's decisions to make, as doctors can only make recommendations.  Also, the quality of life always needs to be considered when making decisions regarding possible therapies, as all therapies have side effects that can reduce your husband's quality of life.

The first thing that we will need from you is to provide us with as much information as you can regarding what you have been told so far from your doctor.  Did your husband have a prostate biopsy performed?  If yes, can you provide us with the details of that biopsy?  You should have received a copy of the biopsy report.  What were the results of your husband's PSA test?  Did you husband have a CT Scan or MRI performed?  If yes, what were the results of those tests?  You also should have been provided with a copy of those test reports.  Did your doctors talk to you about any therapies or make any recommendations for therapies?  If yes, what were those recommendations?

Without having any other information from you right now, if you were told by your doctor that the cancer has already entered his bones, then I am guessing that you husband's stage of his prostate cancer is advanced.  To the degree of how advanced the stage of the cancer may be, we won't know, until you have provided us with additional information.  The stage of the cancer, and how much it has progressed outside of the prostate itself, usually determines the types of possible therapies that could be recommended and used.

While you are gathering this information for us, the best thing that you can do is to 'try' to be as calm as possible (I know that is very difficult for you right now), and be as supportive to your husband as you can.  I know that you are both very afraid and confused right now, as each of us here in this discussion forum were also very afraid and confused, when the doctor first told us that we had prostate cancer.  Keep talking to each other and keep supporting each other, as you will fight this cancer as a team, and you will be partners on this journey.

Other people on this forum will also respond to your outreach for help and support.  Please gather the requested information and post it here, so that we can better understand your husband's specific prostate cancer stage and situation, and then we will be better able to offer you advice and suggestions.

In the meantime, please try to stay as positive as you possibly can.

I wish you both the best of outcomes on your husband's journey.

There will be no easy answers for you now, but that does not mean that there are no answers.  This is a crossroads for you and your husband.  You do not know the outcome, and  you cannot control the outcome even with medical treatment.  What you can control is how you and your husband manage this grave situation, and there are only two choices:  do you choose to take active control of your mindset to make this a positive, loving experience or do you choose to allow circumstances to control you and put you and your husband into negativity and depression.  Negativity and depression will only bathe every cell of the body in toxins.  Love and positivity will do the opposite – create a healing, positive attitude that can make the time he has left with you the most valuable time of your lives together.

    If you have interest, I can point you in a direction of listening to music, meditation, and ways of positive and love space.  But the decision is yours.  This can be a positive, loving experience, but it will take patience and knowledge to see it that way.

I understand where you and your husband are coming from, and you have all my support and love.  I, too, am in his situation, with Stage 4 with multiple widespread bone matastases.  I, too, lost 35 pounds and 90% of my strength.  I was told I had no chance.  Now, 42 months later, I am doing very well, so there is hope for all.  Even if there is still hope for the future, you must not pin your future to that.  My suggestion is to celebrate every moment of life you have together.  The future is unknown, the present is all you have.  Make the present as full of love, positivity and celebration and no matter what the future brings, you will have made the most of this opportunity.  Here are some thoughts from my spiritual teacher:

   My work consists of teaching you how to live and how to die, how to be joyous and how to be sad; how to enjoy your youth and how to enjoy your old age, how to enjoy your health and how to enjoy your illness.

‘If I teach you only how to enjoy your health, your joy and your life, and the other part is neglected, then I am teaching you something which is going to create a division in you, a split in you. I teach you the totality of existence.

‘Don’t possess. Don’t hold anything and don’t cling. Let things come and pass. Allow things to pass through you, and you remain always vulnerable, available. Then there is great beauty, great grace and great ecstasy. Your sadness will bring a depth to you, as much as your joy. Your death will bring great gifts to you, as many as life itself. Then a man knows that this whole existence is his: nights and days, summers and winters – all are his. In remaining vulnerable, open and relaxed, you become a master.

‘The greatest thing to learn is not to hold onto anything: to your love, to your joy, to your body or to your health. Enjoy everything – your health, your body, your love, your woman or your man – but don’t cling…. If something is available, enjoy it. When it disappears, let it disappear with gratitude – gratitude for all that it has done for you, with no grudge and with no complaint. And you will know the greatest joys of both life and death, of both light and darkness, of both being and non-being.’

                                    (Osho  The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha Volum