I'm So Lost

Tonita
Tonita Member Posts: 197 Member
in Head and Neck Cancer #1

I don't know if this has anything to do with my tongue cancer.  Maybe it does some because at the time I was diagnosed, I was planning a big change in my life.  I was planning on moving out of state without my husband.

I did make the move finally a week ago tomorrow and I'm finding myself scared, confused and asking myself if I know what I'm doing.  When I was back home, I was agonizing over whether or not I made the right decision.  Should I go or should I stay?  I finally went.

Now I'm here and I don't feel any differently.  I know my health has something to do with this.  The idea of being alone is kind of scary now.  My husband is a wonderful caretaker and he was always willing to care for me if I needed it.  But for the last 15 years I've wanted to get away.

I don't know what to do now.  This is awful.

 

Comments

  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #2
    Tough spot

    I should probably know this from previous posts but did you leave because your marriage is ending to pursue a career opportunity or...

    Sorry.

  • Tonita
    Tonita Member Posts: 197 Member
    #3
    Noellesmom said:

    Tough spot

    I should probably know this from previous posts but did you leave because your marriage is ending to pursue a career opportunity or...

    Sorry.

    Noellesmom, no nothing like

    Noellesmom, no nothing like that. 

  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #4
    Tonita said:

    Noellesmom, no nothing like

    Noellesmom, no nothing like that. 

    15 years

    No matter the circumstance, cancer or no cancer, it takes time to adjust to new surroundings.  I believe you should trust your judgement and embrace your new adventure.

    All will be well.  Take a deep breath.  And exhale.

     

  • the_wife
    the_wife Member Posts: 184
    #5
    Oh, my goodness. I'm not sure

    Oh, my goodness. I'm not sure I could handle moving and dealing with cancer at the same time. My heart goes out to you. I've moved a lot in my life and I've found that you have to get comfortable with being alone sometimes, especially in a new community. Unfortunately, it seems that most people can't handle being around a cancer patient if they've never gone through it. Friends can be hard to come by and that's the case whether you are in a new community or a familiar one, unfortunately. But even if you meet one new person who becomes a friend, that's all you need. For now it may look kind of bleak, but you must have faith that it will work out in the long run. 

  • Tonita
    Tonita Member Posts: 197 Member
    edited May 2016 #6
    I guess I don't know myself

    I guess I don't know myself at all anymore.  I've never had a problem being alone.  In fact, I embraced it.  I'm a solitary person and don't socialize much outside my own family and a few close friends.  I'm thinking I still have unfinished business with my husband and I'm not up for much at this point.  I guess you could say I'm depressed.  Very much so.  I have a lot of support, a sister nearby and family and friends back home.  Everyone says "give it some time".  But can I?  I can't shake this feeling of uneasiness and anxiety.  Thinking about my old home and how it was my security and comfort for 16 years, despite the problems with my marriage.  It was familiar. 

    I am trying to get out every day even if it's just for a walk down to the mailbox or a drive to the grocery store.  My sister lives right up the road. 

    Maybe I would feel better had I been approved for housing in my state, but it takes forever there. 

    But when I think back to when this all started, back in January, every obstacle was put before me before I finally got here.  My son was having a substance abuse problem and needed my support during recovery, then the positive biopsy and surgery and all that goes with that.   It seems like something was telling me not to go.  Maybe it was too soon after the surgery. 

    Whatever the case, I'm in it up to my eyeballs and I have to find my way.

    Thanks everyone for "listening".  I just don't know what else to do.

  • Hondo
    Hondo Member Posts: 6,636 Member
    edited May 2016 #7
    Marriage Counselor

     

    Hi Tonita

     

    Sorry to hear this as I am a minister and one of my jobs is to help married people stay together. I don’t know all the details so the only thing I can say right now is to take one day at a time. I hope and pray you and your husband are still on talking terms. I would be totally lost without my Wife, Caretaker, best friend, by my side, she is not my equal she is my better for 43 years.

     

    Praying for you

     

    Tim

     

  • Tonita
    Tonita Member Posts: 197 Member
    edited May 2016 #8
    Hondo said:

    Marriage Counselor

     

    Hi Tonita

     

    Sorry to hear this as I am a minister and one of my jobs is to help married people stay together. I don’t know all the details so the only thing I can say right now is to take one day at a time. I hope and pray you and your husband are still on talking terms. I would be totally lost without my Wife, Caretaker, best friend, by my side, she is not my equal she is my better for 43 years.

     

    Praying for you

     

    Tim

     

    Yes, Tim.  We are on good

    Yes, Tim.  We are on good terms, no fighting or harsh words.  I told him how I was feeling about the move and he supported my decision.  I don't see myself living with him again because it's an impossible situation.  Personality disorders are not flexible and communication is really non productive.  It's complicated.  He is a fine person and very caring.

    I imagine we will both get through this.  I pray and think and reach out and hope I will always do the right thing.

  • Raddude
    Raddude Member Posts: 84
    #9
    I have found...

    that every time i was afraid of change it turned out to be the biggest steps I made in life. Change offers many opportunities and is scary. Perhaps try meetup.com in your area and meet some local people that have similar interests to begin your new journey.

  • Barbaraek
    Barbaraek Member Posts: 626
    #10
    Tonita

    Not much to add, except that I'm keeping you in my prayers and hoping the best for you.

    Barb K

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