Panic Attacks? Anxiety?

JanJan63
JanJan63 Member Posts: 2,478 Member
in Colorectal Cancer #1

I'm finding that now that I'm feeling pretty good and living almost normally when something good happens it makes me anxious as well as happy. It's like I've lived with so much bad news and things going badly for the past fews years that when something good happens I feel like it's a magnet for something bad to happen again. Like I don't deserve joy or anything positive. Like any good thing that happens comes with a price tag. I hate that I can't just enjoy things like I used to. It's like I feel like I have a spotlight on me when I'm happy and whatever dark energy causes bad things to happen sees that and makes sure to extinguish it. And I find that when I start thinking about something good my heart will actually start racing like I'm scared. Because I am scared.

I've had several good things happen lately and would love to just enjoy them and be happy. I was offered a new job that has more hours and pays better, I got a new to me sporty car, I'm showing my horse tomorrow for the first time in three years, and I'm happy but just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Am I just a negative, depressing person? Is this normal? Does cancer always suck the joy from our lives even when it seems to be under control? I find that I'm much too aware of how things in our lives can go south so quickly. And bad things really do happen to good people. I worry about things much more than I used to and I've always been a worrier to start with. I keep thinking that I'm going to get bad news from the CT scan coming up just because things have been going so well.

How many of you have had to seek some sort of help such as counselling? Is this maybe an avenue I ought to explore?

Jan 

Comments

  • Phil64
    Phil64 Member Posts: 838 Member
    #2
    Well said Laz. And ditto on

    Well said Laz. And ditto on the feelings Jan, I just posted something where I said that a cancer battle is like running a marathon. So if it is when do we reach the finish line? When can we relax knowing that we truly beat this disease? Well I guess it might be when we are NED for five years? But that could be a LOT of years. And for some of us that could be the end of our days on this earth. 

    So what are we to do? How do we deal with this situation? 

    Well for me, running a marathon leaves me pretty thirsty. Anyone have any lemonade? Yup. It's that old adage. When life gives you lemons...

    So I'll have to take the anxiety along with the good stuff and add a little sugar.  And smile a lot. Remember to smell the roses and remind myself to not take the serious stuff so seriously (does that make sense?). And to open up my heart and let the sun shine in!

    Jan, I'm so happy you are rolling throug some good steps. Enjoy. Soak it up. And maybe, just maybe, the bend around the corner might bring you even better stuff!!!

    Love and light to you.

    Sincerely.

  • lp1964
    lp1964 Member Posts: 1,239 Member
    #3
    Dear Friend,

    You are not alone with these feelings, I for one have them too. If I may I'll tell you what I do to manage them. 

    My phylosophy is that bad things are just part of life and they effect us more powerfully than good things. That's just how we are wired because back in the caveman days this saved our lives. So I just try to ignore negative feelings and take care of the tasks that need to be done. I spend most of my personal energy on how to have fun. We can't control the way we feel every moment. We also can't control a week or longer time periods. But I believe I can make and conclude one day as a good day by the time I go to bed. My glass may get full with bad stuff but I can pour a bunch of good things in there and these good things can squeeze most of the bad stuff out and fill my glass. This way I go to bed every night telling myself: this also was a good day. There is a roof over my head, I'm safe, I may be alone but don't feel lonely, I'm not hungry or cold. The rest is cherry on top. Good days add up to be good weeks, good weeks make good years, good years make up a good life. 

    Im scared and frustrated most of the time, but that's just how it is. My job is to seek out, notice and appreciate the good things in life.

    Laz

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,804 Member
    #4
    Dear friend

    You have been through so much over the past years, it is not surprising that you are suffering from a higher level of anxiety than most of us. You don't walk away from a severe car wreck with a bounce in your step, and it is no different for those of us recovering from the rigours of treatments. 

    My journey has not been half as traumatic as yours, and I am blessed with a natural buoyance that carries me through (probably comes from a life of hard knocks). I don't even think I could put into words what makes it easy for me to be positive and happy; plus we are all so different and deal with our trials in ways that we are hard wired to. 

    Have you tried meditation and yoga?  I know you've heard my story more than once, but I never thought I was the 'type' to meditate, being an over active kind of person, but it really, really worked for me, and still does. 

    If there is anything I can do to help you, just message me. 

    P.S. Phil64 posted to malbin's Understanding lab and Pathology...... post, and I think it fits your question perfectly.    

    SUE

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