Understanding lab and pathology results better

Scans and tests...

You will be better off taking things as they are explained to you and not attempting to "read into" any if it.

The initial diagnosis and resultant staging does not change with the condition as time progresses. If you are a stage one and have a recurrence with cancer spread throughout the body you are a stage one with metastases. If you are a stage four at the start, you remain a stage four. After ten years of a clean, cancer free life, they may classify you as "cured". That does not happen often; it is rare.

A stage four can see a long life, depending on many variables, and no variable is conclusive.

It appears that the treatments and attention she is receiving is well attended to, and much better than most receive.

Try to live in the moment and make the very best of life you can, while you can. Try not to read into data that you do not understand; it will be a lesson in futility and bring nothing but needless worry.

Be well, she need you to be well.

My best wishes for you both,

John

malbin0259 said:

Thanks John for your input and insight. I just keeping feeling I can do more.  Also I hate to appear to be negative, I do not want to, but many things run through my mind, and cancer runs in her family.  Yes they died from this but they were in their 80's and 90's when they attracted cancer so most likely not a good comparison.  I saw both of my parents and 4 aunts and uncles die from cancer as well as my old boss and 3 clients. Cancer does not leave a pretty vision in my mind.  I guess what I am saying to me cancer has only meant death and it is hard for me to get this out of mind and it scares me every day that I can lose my wife who is so full of life and is my glue.

 

Again thank you for writing to me and I am most likely overly cautious or maybe downright ridiculous on how I feel  but I do not know how to relax and say everything will be fine... 

Mel....

Re:
"I am most likely overly cautious or maybe downright ridiculous on how I feel  but I do not know how to relax and say everything will be fine... "

You are never ridiculous when it comes to feelings, or love.

And you can't relax with a thought that "every thing will be fine", because it rarely works out that way. Cancer is tough; it's tough to beat and not many do.

There's a long standing world-wide statistic that indicates that with all cancer types combined, there is a 2% lifetime survival rate. That's bleak. But there are many that live years with cancer, long into old age, and well beyond any prognosis. My Mother had lung cancer and survived almost 18years beyond her prognosis; the cancer recurred during her geriatric years, most life spans run short of hers...

Reason to worry about losing a loved one? Of course. But worry doesn't fix anything. And denying that there can be a bad ending isn't going to hack it either. It's not easy to face, not for the patient, and not for ourselves when we're the one carrying the expiration date. Cancer is the pits; it is akin to watching a 911 video in slow motion, only we're in it.

The best thing, is to accept the worst case possibility, and hope for the best.

Your wife appears to be getting great care, much better than what most of us have received (or are getting). There are many diets and holistic remedies available, but of no proven benefit. As long as it's not expensive and a drain on the wallet, if it sounds like something to try, try it. But never go crazy with the hyperbole of the market, there is no known "cure".

Never believe that drinking some treated water, or ingesting some mistletoe oil at $90 a ml is going to be of great use. Worry, and do what you feel you need to, but never allow fear to steer you.

Click on the various members moniker here and read their profile, it might shed some light and be of help.

It's a tough road, but you'll make it. Your wife sounds like she's in good hands.

I'm not a religious guy, but I have my moments, and pleading isn't out of the question.

Be well; my best to you both.

John

Mike, I honestly think inmany ways it's harder on the caregiver than the patient. One of the things I'm grateful for is that it was me that got the cancer, not my husband. I could not have been as strong and supportive as he has been. He's not perfect, he's had his moments, but he's been amazing through the last two and a half years we've been dealing with this. You can do it, too, but it's really hard. You're going to have to be compassionate about her feelings and the things she's going through without collapsing into despair. It's a hard balance to make. You need to be strong enough to be the positive one but at the same time not sound dismissive. I don't envy you.

Regarding your history of cancer in the family please remember a few things. One is that they've actually made great strides in many cancer treatments. Many cancers that were fatal years ago are not necessarily so now. Another is to listen to people who know, don't read about it on line. The information is often old or biased. The members on here tend to be very pragmatic and helpful and can easily talk you down when you think everything is going to hell. Trust her doctors. If the doctor sounds like he/she is pretty confident, go with that unless you're really questioning a treatment. But if they think things will be okay, trust in that as much as you can. I say this because while we don't want to have blind faith, stress is the enemy for a person fighting cancer and they need all the positive thoughts they can get.

I have a wishy washy oncologist that I hate going to see because of this and a confident surgeon that I love going to see. Some people think he's arrogant. He said he was going to go in and take my cancer out and he did. That's what I want.

Try to live in the moment. It will get easier as time goes by. At the beginning I think most people can think of nothing else. Eventually you learn to live with the diagnosis and how it affects your life. Like anything else.

Jan

Mike, it sounds like you are learning quickly and you have found a good forum for continued learning and support. I am a stage IV colon cancer patient four going on five years. When I first posted to this site I remember feeling overwhelmed and experiencing all kinds of emotion. And someone wise (Craig for you old timers) told me that a cancer battle is like running a marathon. You have to pace yourself. i think this mindset has given me a rythum. It helps me to continue to forge ahead through the bad times and not get too high during the good times. I know I need to manage the pace. And then to resolve to continue. To be persistent. And to have faith that all will be well.

i do think it is important to trust your doctors. I am lucky to have had good doctors and surgeons. And I FEEL like they have my best interest and that they have dedicated their career to battling cancer. If you don't trust your doctors than examine that. And consider finding ones you do. I think that is the most sensible thing I can do.

i consider myself a pretty smart person and I was tempted to try and learn everything I could about this disease and curing it and surviving it. I don't think that is a bad thing to do. But I always try to remember that my knowledge on this formidable vast domain is a tiny fraction of the knowledge my doctors and surgeons have. And therefore I'm quick to ask them about their intuition my case and about their thoughts on the best course of action...

I also try and remember that, in the end, we all will die. And for me I am a spiritual person. But putting that aside. I believe my focus should always be on enjoying the here and now. Taking time to smell the roses. And taking time to Love the ones that have been put into my life. So I wake up in the morning,  grateful to see the day and have some energy to get up. And then I try to fit as much love as I can into the day. 

Love and Liget to you and your wife. 

Phil