Trying to be a forgiving Catholic...

Catholic Member Posts: 86

Here is my story and its a true story and I can't begin to express how frustrated I am.

I got married at age 30 and my wife and I have 3 kids.  I love my kids.

After the birth of our 2nd child, my wife became angry often.  She was
like a boiling pot of water constantly boiling.  After our 3rd child was born, my wife moved to
to the basement full-time.  She literally came home from the hospital and moved to the
basement.  At that time, I had 3 kids ages 8, 4 and 1 day old to take care of and a spouse
in the basement.  She lived in the basement for 2+ years.  Im not kidding or exaggerating and
when she occasionally left the basement, she was angry, awful to be around and at times looked
like she was hit by a bus (her eyes were glazed over, she never showered or changed clothes).
She was awful to be around when she came upstairs.  I asked many people for help including her
sister and never received any help ever.

Finally in an absolute rage she left and got an apartment.  She said she "couldn't take the
pressure anymore" and left and I continued to raise the kids.  She lived in the apartment for 2
months and then her sister arrived and stayed for 2 weeks and she eventually got my wife to go to
a clinic (which I never could do).  After a month or so of tests, the doctors said my wife had breast
cancer and she was at least Stage 2A (more tests were needed).  She stayed in the apartment for
a year and underwent chemotherapy and there was peace in our house.  

The chemotherapy ended.  My wife's hair grew back.  The apartment lease ended and she
moved back home.  She was pleasant to be around for awhile and got to know the kids and
catch up.  She was pleasant for awhile.  She wasnt affectionate; just nice to talk to and listen to.
She viewed photos of the kids, talked to them, listened and slept on the couch on the 1st floor.
The niceness lasted for about 2-3 months.  She is now back to her old ways.  She lives in the
basement now.  She is angry constantly.  I can forgive her outbursts.  I can forgive her rage.
But I want peace in the house.  I want to live in peace and I want the kids to live in peace without
a crazy person screaming all the time about something.  

Before my wife was diagnosed with cancer, she screamed for divorce constantly.  She yelled "I
want a divorce" as loud as she could outdoors, to the neighbors, to the kids, to my parents, to
anyone that would listen and she screamed like a lunatic and I honestly starting talking to divorce
attorneys.  Then she was diagnosed and I held off.  Now she is back and her anger is off the charts.

My wifes sister said that she would take my wife in July.  We already have the plane tickets.  We are
going to visit, stay for a month, and my wife's sister said she would convince my wife to stay with
her.  I have 2 more months of living with a person who is an absolute nut!  She screams constantly.
She is angry about everything.  If some stranger walks by the house, she runs out and screams "I
want a divorce" to that person and occasionally the police come to try to figure out 'what the hell is
going on here'.  I dont think I can last 2 months with her.  I cant persuade her to calm down.  I cant
reason with her; she wont listen to me about just calming down.

My question is, how can I help her?  How can I survive 2 more months living like this?  I tasted peace
when she lived in the apartment.  I want to kids to think positively of their mother but she is making
it hard for anyone to think positive thoughts about her.  I worry.  I pray often.  I literally fear my
wife.  Something small will set her off and the kids dash upstairs and I follow and we hope that this
nightmare will end.  I cant divorce a spouse who lives in my basement/couch.  I tell police my situation
and they say you need help but where?  I cant get my wife to go anywhere.  If I said that we have an
appointment with a pyschologist, she wont go.  I seek any advice from anyone on how to proceed.



  • cheatinlil
    cheatinlil Member Posts: 197
    I'm so sorry you are going

    I'm so sorry you are going through this.  It does seem like more than anyone can bear.  I would look into getting her to her sisters before July.  Like next week.  Even if it means buying a new plane ticket and losing the money for the other one.  I just don't like to tolerate abuse.  She is obviosly bipolar or something.  Maybe someone else can chime in with better advice.  I think it is a dangerous situation you are living in and to me it seems like the kind of thing that leads people to snap and do something crazy.  Sorry for your struggles. 

    I wanted to add i'm a Christian too.  I was raised Catholic.  I was in an abusive relationship with my 1st husband for 13 years.  I remember the confusion.  I remember the peace when I chose divorce.  I was single 11 years before i remarried.  I would rather be alone then in the crazy-making of a dysfunctional relationship. 

  • Teach76
    Teach76 Member Posts: 354 Member
    Sending prayers

    I can not share your experience, but I want you to know that someone saw your story and is praying for your family.  I am in treatment for BC now, and I suppose your wife's anger has many sources.  It sounds as though something was wrong long before her diagnosis.  Thank you for being a Dad who is trying to keep things positive for his children and helping them to continue to love her in whatever way is possible.  They can not understand now, but later in life I am sure they will be grateful to you for the effort you put into trying to keep your family together.  I wish you God's peace and blessings!

  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    Too few facts

    I think you are dealing with mental illness and, unfortunately, possibly a recurrence of her cancer.

    It is possible the cancer metastasized to her brain.  She needs to see a physician.

    Call her oncologist and describe what you are seeing.  I understand she wanted a divorce for awhile.  But I think you should get help for your wife.