one year coming up

Dear Lost, your post stopped me in my tracks. Your words express such a heavy grief. I pray that you can fight to remain positive. This beast works to steal our hope and joy along with our bodies. Please keep fighting it. I barely remember the day that my doctor delivered my diagnosis. It seems almost like it was a dream (or a nightmare). Still being in treatment has given me the ability to stay busy with the fight. I don't quite know what it will feel like when my one year anniversary comes around but I try to remain confident that I will be here to find out. I hope you are able to find comfort in looking back and seeing how far you have come and how strong you have been. Kim

Look at your anniversary as the gift it is--another year of life which you might not have had if you hadn't been "lucky" enough to have been diagnosed when you were.  Start collecting these years and counting how they're adding up.  I'll be at 6 years from diagnosis in a few days.  I wasn't sure I'd make it past a year or two when I was found to have stage IVb UPSC, but I've made it through with no evidence of disease.  I've had a scare, an unidentified mass that showed up after a few years, but after multiple scans, it was found not to have grown and therefore, not to be cancer.  I've been doing my ancestry and have found I have Pilgrim ancestors who came over on the Mayflower. I can't help but wonder if I'm tough and a survivor because of their influence on my genes.  I get invited to a dinner for cancer survivors at the hospital where I had my surgery every other year.  We all proudly wear stickers with our years of survival on them, whether it's one year or multiple. You'll probably never get over the initial shock of your diagnosis, but the memory will fade over the years so it doesn't bother you so much. Be glad you were diagnosed as the alternative could have meant you might not be here in the future to celebrate this special day.   

LostintheFog, I also am coming up on my 1 year anniversary of diagnosis in May. I finished treatment Dec. 30 and have had a clean scan so far (endometrial cancer stage IIIC). I do feel grateful to be here to mark the anniversary. however, I absolutely identify with the slightly panicky feeling of being near a dark hole that pulls you down and all those flashbacks of the dark days of diagnosis. But I think you cannot give into it. Mental toughness. Plan something fun for that day.  

lostinthefog said:

Thank you all

Thank you all very much for all of your support. It's true I didn't think I would be here to see this upcoming day. I have my fair share of what if moments. What if I would have gone to the Dr sooner. What if I wouldn't have had my surgery. What if this would have never happened. But it did and there turly is nothing I can do to change that.  This past year has felt like a dream..I have my moments where I wake in the morning feeling like it all has been a dream. The fear is there still..and I do believe it will always be in some form or another. I still find it hard when I see new moms knowing I'll never have that..but with the support of a wonderful husband and an amazing family I know I will keep pushing forward with what ever path life puts me on...

I don't know the date I was told I had uterine cancer but I celebrate the day I had it removed - September 30th.  It will be six months next Wednesday and I plan to go out to lunch with my bff to celebrate.  

I also ask if you've ever considered adoption?  We adopted our son when he was nine and had him as a foster child since he was eight.  I cannot even begin to tell you the joy he has brought us in the 15 years we've had him.  

I hope you find some peace (((Lost))).

Love,

Eldri

I have been pondering about those dates myself. There is a string of dates in 2015 I am about to start anniversarying soon (if I can use that as a verb). It kind of feels like being stuck trying to go up against traffic, trying to navigate through an oncoming massive, unstoppable parade. the sense of feeling lost, of being dragged along this route against your will. There is the day I got the closest thing to an out of body experience, the " you've got cancer" phone call (May 11, the day after mother's day), the surreal day I first visited the cancer center (June 9th, I felt so out of place, with my full head of hair), the day of the operation, (June 19th, I can still remember the cold operating room table), the day I told my family (second hardest day), then other more positive days, the day I was released from the hospital and told no further treatment was required (one of the happiest days of my life). But all in all, I am a different person this year, more appreciative of life, of the little things I used to take for granted. I am a lot more patient, a lot more compassionate, a lot more giving. It took me almost loosing my life to start living it more fully. So ironic. In my experience, faith in God was and continues to be my rock, my foundation, it gave me hope in the midst of hopelessness. Hope is important, when we loose hope, we loose the battle. So as I embark on my cancerversaries parade, I will try to focus on the things I have gained as a result of possibly the most difficult year of my life. I still fear unknown telephone numbers, my heart aches when I read sad news here, and it gives me joy when I read good news postings, I am riding this rollercoaster with all of you, the first thing I do each morning when I get to the office, is check the forum. Cancer marks our lives forever, as I type this, I am looking at the cancer fundraiser daffodils I just bought during lunch (April is cancer awareness month in Canada), cancer will always be a PART of me, but not ALL of me, there is a lot more to me, there is a lot more to all of us.

Lucy 

I remember getting the call like it was yesterday and I agree with others, don't give in to the sadness of that moment.  Celebrate the fact that you are here a year later. Have a special dinner, pamper yourself, do something special, celebrate you.