Not doing well

I don't post much as I have never had oral cancer (I have had a pre-cancerous lesion on the floor of my mouth and tongue) but I like to check back here occasionally and keep up with all my old friends who helped me through the pre-cancer scare.

I've been keeping up to date with your progress and from what I've seen you've been doing great in terms of treatment and progress but not so much on the psychological side.

The first things I'd say is that you need to sit down, take a deep breath and try to calm yourself because even from reading your post I can sense that you are really in a distressed state.

So sit down and take some deep breaths until you start feeling calmer.

OK now the smoking. I think you are being far too hard on yourself. You have a serious addiction. You are an addict. After many, many years of smoking, it's unrealistic to expect to be just able to stop without cravings and being tempted back. I think you are putting extra pressure on yourself, which in turn is making you more stressed which in turn makes the cravings worse.

You need help, support and understanding to help you quit the ciggie's. Talk with your family doctor and head and neck nurses. They will have lots of help and advice for how you can stop smoking permanantly (far from "letting the doctors down" they hear from people just like you all the time in their jobs... And no doubt they deal with people who are unwilling to ever acknowlage their addiactions or try to deal with them) Reach out and let people know how much you are struggling, not just with quitting smoking but with the whole tongue cancer ordeal. Remember your whole world has just been turned upside down. No wonder you feel scared and frightened right now

In terms of what the future holds (moving, working, retiring, living and all the rest...) I think you just need to put it all out of your mind at the moment (easier said than done I know)  Because your body and mind is currently dealing with the biggest fight of its life (getting through cancer treatment) and all of this peripheral stuff is just taking energy that you can't afford to lose.

Maybe you'll be able to move State sooner than you think. Maybe you won't. For now you just need to focus purely in getting well again. Nobody knows what tomorrow will bring so focus on today.

You need support so tell family, friends and your medical team how much your struggling? Have you joined any local head and neck cancer support groups? Remember, everyone on here is here for you as well.

Overall, I think you are doing great with your progress (much better than you think you are) and you WILL get through this.

All the best.

Gavin

Hi there, 

Totally agree with Noellesmom. And I dont think there is anything "wrong" with you.  You are having alot of emotions and anxiety that are well founded.  Maybe you need someone to listen and help sort it all out.  We all want to live again and not waste away in fear.  It will get better but you may need to actively seek some help to get to a better place.  I totally understand.

Karen

Yes you have been through a lot. You did make it through the treatment and doctors say it is the 2nd worse there is.

I have sever bullousemphysema [Stage 3] and I still smoked. My Father died from lung cancer from smoking, yet I still smoked. Oh, I tried many times to quit. The first was when my right lung poped, it got a small hole and was half collapsed, yet I still smoked. Let me tell you, having it inflated really hurts. Then it collapsed again this time a third. So to prevent it from happing anymore they did a treatment that they insert an acid [ tetracycline]like liquid into the pleural cavity to burn and form scarring so it won't collaps. The doctor who did this [I was only 30] said he will give me everything for pain he Legally can, but it won't really do a thing. He didn't lie. On a 1~10 scale this was off the chart at least 12. They dubbled my meds, then a shot and the room was moving and I knew I would not feel anything. Then came the acid and reallity set in so fast. The doctor left, but made the nurse stay and take vitals every 10 min. I also got two shots of morinphen and still screamed, for one and a half hours, but I still smoked. 
I have tried the patch and smoked with it. I tryed the lozenges, and those are really bad, but I still smoked. I smoked for 42 years and I could not quit because I liked it. I didn't really want to quit.

I did quit smoking August 28th at 8:00 pm 2013 and never picked up another, or even ever had any craving. I was able to just quit, when my doctor told me They have to remove my larynx and I will breath through my neck the rest of my life. I was able to quit. Smoking took my father, my lungs are shot, and my voice box so I could beat cancer. I did beat Cancer, but I can't beat emphysema. By quiting I have slower it down, thats all. I was even told by my lung doctor he had good news. I was a good candadate to have 30% of each lung removed. Sorry but I don't see that as good news.

Only when you really do want to quit smoking, is when you can. I have to treat it like alcoholism. I can never have that next cigarette, or I might start up again. Right now you have so much on your plate you feel like it is all comming in on you. Your plans you worker for, are just on hold, not over. You do really know that smoking doesn't calm you. You tell yourself it does and in a way you trick the mind. It raises blood presure and heartrate which is not calming. I had and used every excuse I could think of. Heck when I was first told I had cancer and I had a cigarette a coworker said what the heck are you doing? I replied, what I already have cancer, what else can it do.  My tumor was just above my vocal cords and pressing on the left one. I was coughing up blood, ounces at a time. I was told I have a 25% chance it could come back, but that is 75% it won't. If I continue to smoke it goes to 90% I will get cancer again. 

You just went through one of the worst treatments, and came through it like a champ. Sure it is rough and you can have some depression from it which is normal, by the way. You can just stop smoking. No quit, as that sounds so hare and final. You just don't light one and stop. You can do this too. You are not ever alone in this. You'r family now.

Bill

GavinP said:

Hi Tonita

I don't post much as I have never had oral cancer (I have had a pre-cancerous lesion on the floor of my mouth and tongue) but I like to check back here occasionally and keep up with all my old friends who helped me through the pre-cancer scare.

I've been keeping up to date with your progress and from what I've seen you've been doing great in terms of treatment and progress but not so much on the psychological side.

The first things I'd say is that you need to sit down, take a deep breath and try to calm yourself because even from reading your post I can sense that you are really in a distressed state.

So sit down and take some deep breaths until you start feeling calmer.

OK now the smoking. I think you are being far too hard on yourself. You have a serious addiction. You are an addict. After many, many years of smoking, it's unrealistic to expect to be just able to stop without cravings and being tempted back. I think you are putting extra pressure on yourself, which in turn is making you more stressed which in turn makes the cravings worse.

You need help, support and understanding to help you quit the ciggie's. Talk with your family doctor and head and neck nurses. They will have lots of help and advice for how you can stop smoking permanantly (far from "letting the doctors down" they hear from people just like you all the time in their jobs... And no doubt they deal with people who are unwilling to ever acknowlage their addiactions or try to deal with them) Reach out and let people know how much you are struggling, not just with quitting smoking but with the whole tongue cancer ordeal. Remember your whole world has just been turned upside down. No wonder you feel scared and frightened right now

In terms of what the future holds (moving, working, retiring, living and all the rest...) I think you just need to put it all out of your mind at the moment (easier said than done I know)  Because your body and mind is currently dealing with the biggest fight of its life (getting through cancer treatment) and all of this peripheral stuff is just taking energy that you can't afford to lose.

Maybe you'll be able to move State sooner than you think. Maybe you won't. For now you just need to focus purely in getting well again. Nobody knows what tomorrow will bring so focus on today.

You need support so tell family, friends and your medical team how much your struggling? Have you joined any local head and neck cancer support groups? Remember, everyone on here is here for you as well.

Overall, I think you are doing great with your progress (much better than you think you are) and you WILL get through this.

All the best.

Gavin

 

sweet guy....truly!  I'm so glad you come back to visit here!!!

p

Tonita said:

I know you are all right.  I

I know you are all right.  I do have a counselor that I was talking to before the surgery.  It's funny because I originally wanted her guidance on leaving my marriage and moving.  Before the first appointment with her, I got the news about the tumor and the whole dynamic changed.  It added a complication to my concerns.  I'm going to make another appointment.  I really do need help with this. 

It just all seem too much for me now. 

 

Keep us posted...we really do care here.

Barbara

Hard12Find said:

Psycology

I was diagnosed with PTSD after recovering from stage 4 A SCC, still battle with it, but it is easier knowing why I have the feelings I do...something to consider....

Best Wishes

Jim

You may want to ask your doc about taking Wellbutrin. It's an antidepressant that is often prescribed for those who are trying to quit smoking. Don't be too hard on yourself. Quitting smoking was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I am so glad I did. Hopefully your counselor can help you with this.

Personally I have struggled with depression all my life, and although talk therapy works wonders, sometimes it's not enough and medication can really help.  

I wish you well!