Helping to cope with isolation

Krimat69
Krimat69 Member Posts: 1
in Caregivers #1

My husband has stage 4 colon cancer.  He was diagnosed in June just after a serious accident left him in a wheel chair with 2 broken feet.  It took 6 weeks before they could start Chemo.  It was too late to have surgery as the cancer spreads to his liver lymph nodes and bones.  Now he is severely alergic to the 5FU and they put him on Avastin.  He isolates himself from family and friends, who seem to blame me for everything.  The strain is insane not being able to have family to lean on.  I try to talk to my husband but he said he could care less how they feel.  It's about what he wants, and he only wants me and our 2 sons.  I feel this horrible for his siblings and friends, and I dont know how to help them.  Worse is I am now isolating myself because I can't talk to them, or answer their questions.  My husband has always been private, but this goes beyond privacy.  How do I help people understand, how do I survive supporting my husband and sons.  Im so sad and so lose.  It's been a nite mare since June. 

Comments

  • Ladylacy
    Ladylacy Member Posts: 773 Member
    #2
    Yourhusband

    Have you talked to his doctors about this?  It sounds like he is depressed which is not unusal.  My husband fought hard but lost his battle with cancer.  He was depressed as any of us would be and the doctor put him on medication.  As a caregiver it is just as hard on us and you must take care of yourself.  Don't isolate yourself from family and friends.  My husband liked company even though he couldn't talk very well, he had his voice box removed due to cancer, and I had to translate for him.  Family and friends were around, but not all the time.  I used to tell them, please don't come when any one has any type of illness and especially when he was going thru treatment. 

    My husband declined all further treatment after undergoing 75 rounds of radiation, 10 rounds of chemo and surgery.  It was his choice and we all went along with him.  Our sons and I didn't try to talk him out of it and neither did his doctors, although I didn't want him to give up.  But he chose quality over quantity.

    Take care of yourself because you are very important in this process.  Make time for yourself, even if it is just to go shopping or for a walk or to visit a neighbor.  I did.  I never left him for more than an hour but still it was my time and I needed it.

    Wishing you and your family peace and comfort.

  • HOPE610
    HOPE610 Member Posts: 28
    #3
    I agree with Ladylacy.  Don't

    I agree with Ladylacy.  Don't isolate yourself.  Being a caregiver is very hard work and you need family and friends.  You need that time and someone to talk to. 

    My husband is a stage IV prostate cancer (5 1/2 year) survivor.  He will have treatments the rest of his life.  Thankfully he is a social butterfly and does not really hide from him.  He gets sad and sometimes depressed that he will not be cancer free like many of his friends that have been diagnosed are now.  He is, of course, very happy for them, but does not understand why....  The why's of cancer are very hard.  He has been on a mild anti depressent for almost as long as he has been diagnoased.

    Please talk to people.  Talk to the doctors.  Call the American Cancer Society (1800 227 2345).  They have many resources that can help you and your husband.  I hope you find some help and some answers and some peace.  Keep posting.  God Bless...

     

  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #4
    Agree

    My husband would never let his sisters and aunt know what was going on but I come from a very close family and cannot exclude his family when they want to know what is going on.

    We exchange emails at least weekly and phone calls when things are critical.

    This is not only about what your husband wants, depression or not. You need lots of support to keep moving forward.  This board can be great but I advocate as much support as possible from as many resources as can be gathered.

  • ATBrady
    ATBrady Member Posts: 5
    #5
    Also isolated

    My dad was recently diagnoised with stage 4 lung cancer. He is 1 of 9 children and does not want the rest of the family to know about his condition. It's been very difficult becuase the role of caregiver has fallen on myself and my brother. I have a hard time balancing my life while caring for him. I often get frustrated at the fact that he wants to be so private about it. I know his siblings can help if they know about it. Has your husband open up to the idea of having his family more involved? I'd like to chat with you further on this as I'm currently dealing with it myself. 

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