A story that needs telling: Long but worth it.

wmc
wmc Member Posts: 1,804
edited January 2016 in Head and Neck Cancer #1

 A story that needs telling:

I guess in a way this story is about unconditional love, hope, faith and even death. 

My story begins in 1978 when I was 27 years old.  My Father whom I loved with 

all my heart was told he had Cancer. Yes that nasty word that can stop you right in 

your tracks. Now I loved my  Mother as well and would do just about anything for 

her as well. My Father to me was special. We were not what I would call close as he

worked almost all the time. He loved his work and after dinner he often went back 

to the office to finish what he needed. I had what I felt was a great  childhood because 

of him.  

The doctor told he had cancer of the lungs and it was very bad. He was terminal, and 

was given six months if we were lucky. He was a  smoker and a heavy one at that.

 I never knew how much or how many packs he smoked but I would guess at least two 

a day and may be even three packs. Now he had a chest x- ray just six months before 

and there was nothing, he was clean. Now it is so advanced, it’s in the main artery to his heart.

It would take a heart and double lung transplant to save him and that was never going 

to happen. He went to some of the best doctors back then and was sent to a  radiologist

and she treated him with cobalt. It was a very high dose and burned him very bad and all 

most burned a hole in his lung. 

 

Well I took this quite hard and thought the world of him. I was taught, you never embarrass 

the family, and the importance of having  manners. Well one night while laying in bed and

sure could not sleep, I sorta said a prayer. It was more like trying to make a deal with God, than a prayer, but what did I have to loose right. My Dad was dying right. So I remember 

saying that I would trade places with my father if  you will just give him five or ten more years. 

So just take me instead. I guess I do understand the phrase, I would die for you. I always felt    

I could  never be the man that I felt he was.After his treatment we went to the coast for

a week for him to recover. I remember asking what could I do for him. He answered, 

he would like to see me surf one more time. Wow, that is not what I expected  but if that

is what he asked ok. I went to the town and rented a surfboard. I remembered he always

said, son the older you get the colder the water is. Now in my teens I thought how stupid that is.

That water is the same temperature. Well I grabbed the surfboard and headed to the water. 

 It was at that moment when my foot hit that ocean I realized, my father was right. 

The older you get the colder the water was. I surfed and we both enjoyed the day

together and I was able to give him  something.

 

My Father lived six years, not six months. Now the last year was not real good and his main

thought was his next breath. I didn’t live in the same town, but my wife made sure I could 

always go to see him. She never wanted me to ever say, I wish I was there, because I was.

We had long talks and many many times towards the last two years he would say something

that just made no since. Well until an hour or more, then I would just start laughing.

It did make since and on a much higher plain than I was. I was lucky to have know him and 

I hope better person for it. The last year was the worst as he had to go to the hospital, 

and I was told I could not come up to see him. He would know how bad it was if I showed

up in the middle of the week. Well that was very hard on me, but I did understand  the why of it.

He went to the hospital and said his good by to my Brother and Mother and passed away, 

and I was not their.  We had said our good by’s already. 

 

Now it is 29 years later and I have throat cancer. I always felt I would get lung cancer, and I 

still might, who knows. I went to the hospital of my choice and to save me I had to have a 

laryngectomy to remove the tumor because my lungs were too damaged. Most thought I

would not make it, but somehow I just knew I would. I was at peace and had a good life 

if I didn’t make it. I had my will and even my own obituary I wrote and everything 

I wanted done down to the songs I wanted. Just to cover the bases. I did very good.

Yes I was scared as I have never been. I prayed just give me the strength to handle what

is going to happen. I knew I was loosing my vocal cords. When I woke up from an eight 

hour surgery, which I slept through just fine.  I asked, well wrote the nurse, am I in ICU? 

I did expect to be as it is very common to be  there for the first 24 to 48 hours.

She just smiled and said, no you are in your room. Right then I knew my prayers were answered. 

 

 

 Today I was thinking about my father, and right then it hit me. He was given six months, I prayed

to give him five more years and take me instead. My father got six years, maybe God made the deal 

with me after all. All I know is he answered my prayers, and more than 250 people never thought I 

would make it,  but I knew I would be fine. Makes me wonder was it divine intervention that gave my 

father  the five  more years, or my deal with God. I guess someday I will find out for sure,

but I am grateful.

  

William Cross

Comments

  • Duggie88
    Duggie88 Member Posts: 760 Member
    #2
    Bill

    Good story. Funny how God can answer our prayers and add a twist to it. My Dad committed suicide two months before I was told I had cancer. He was the picture of health at 80 and we never knew why. I spent two months asking why until I was faced with my battle. I and most likely yourself believe our Fathers help us through our ordeal allowing us to have a unique feeling in our hearts that only we can feel. I saw my Dad after his death and after my fight was over but during the healing process which is another story. But now I don't ask why. 

    God has unique ways.

    Enjoy the day

          Jeff

  • Hondo
    Hondo Member Posts: 6,636 Member
    #3
    Great Story

    Yes I do believe God answers prayer, maybe not the way we ask it all the time because He knows what is best as He sees what is in our heart.

     

    You have truly been a blessing to many not just here on CSN but to everyone who hears your testimony and every young person who stops smoking because of something you say. We will never know in this life but someday I believe in Heaven people will walk up to us a say, you don’t know me but you are the reason I am here. It is a part of Gods divine plan

     

    God Bless

    Tim

     

  • bebo12249
    bebo12249 Member Posts: 181 Member
    #4
    Thanks for sharing..

    Thanks for sharing..

  • jcortney
    jcortney Member Posts: 503
    #5
    Funny

    Sometimes it's funny how your mind works.  For some odd reason, your story made me think of a commercial I just saw for the NFL.  It was Eric Dickerson relating a conversation he had with Gayle Sayers (sp?).  He asked Gayle if he was afraid of dyeing, Gayle said "of course I'm afraid, I've never done this before".

    Don't know what the relevance is, but like I said it's funny how your mind works.

    My best regards to you Bill, seems like we've been friends for a long time.

    Joe

  • Kent Cass
    Kent Cass Member Posts: 1,898 Member
    #6
    jcortney said:

    Funny

    Sometimes it's funny how your mind works.  For some odd reason, your story made me think of a commercial I just saw for the NFL.  It was Eric Dickerson relating a conversation he had with Gayle Sayers (sp?).  He asked Gayle if he was afraid of dyeing, Gayle said "of course I'm afraid, I've never done this before".

    Don't know what the relevance is, but like I said it's funny how your mind works.

    My best regards to you Bill, seems like we've been friends for a long time.

    Joe

    Sayers?

    Joe

    It was Walter Payton- not Gayle Sayers. Sayers is still alive. Walter had the liver C and died in his 40s, and I've seen the commercial about the NFL family, as they call it.  FYI. 

    And, Bill, after the 5-hour "meatball" surgery I went thru following the 1968 car accident I was in, the Surgeon told my Father, "I'm not a betting man; but, if I was, I couldn't even give your Son a 10% chance of being alive tomorrow." Two days later I went thru another Op. Op-1 was to keep me from dying/Op-2 was to better my chances on staying alive. Technically, I was "gone from this world", mentally, for 16 days and about 4 hours. That was 1968. Drs can be wrong, and I think they often are. Also, back when your Dad had Lung C is not like today in having the tools of analysis and tx. That is not to imply that the Lord did not hear and answer your "sort of a prayer," and hope you keep believing the Lord did, though I don't think the Lord's door is open to making deals with us people on this insignificant little rock in the vast Universe. I confess that I do believe in Divine Intervention, but am also a realist when I hear about how significant a life is when a misquito bites someone and they die because of it, or a stray bullet from a gang member kills an innocent little child, etc., etc. 

    I had never lived in a town with even 100 people in it, and when that accident happened we were living on a farm west of Freeport, Il. After 5 Ops in the Freeport hospital I was transferred to Rush-Presbyterian-St. Luke's on the Ike/West Congress Parkway in Chicago. I turned 14 in the Freeport hospital. Try to picture the shoes I was in. On Christmas Day of 1968 in Room 576 of 5 Jones East I got on the bed and kneeled in Prayer. I asked the Lord to give me the strength, and help me with the pain to endure all that was ahead of me/AKA come what may. I was alone in the room with the Lord. Went thru 18 Ops, there, over the following two years. Yes, there were some miserable post-Op nights, but pain was never part of it- only feeling miserable. And, what people have trouble comprehending, is that in all my life I've never slept better than when I was in the St. Luke's confines: I always felt the Lord was with me, watching over me, because he'd heard my Prayer. I never got any pills for sleep, and I was never given a shot for pain. Never. Of course, it would have been nice if the Lord had intervened and prevented my Mom from running the 63 Comet into that little bridge on the gravel road, but things like that just happen. Still, to get thru all those 23 Ops as easily as I did- I truly do have the Lord to thank for that. And, yes, I also have a very tough man to thank- goes by the name of **** Butkus, and his example of how a man deals with rough times. 

    kcass (avid Bear fan)

  • jcortney
    jcortney Member Posts: 503
    #7
    Kent Cass said:

    Sayers?

    Joe

    It was Walter Payton- not Gayle Sayers. Sayers is still alive. Walter had the liver C and died in his 40s, and I've seen the commercial about the NFL family, as they call it.  FYI. 

    And, Bill, after the 5-hour "meatball" surgery I went thru following the 1968 car accident I was in, the Surgeon told my Father, "I'm not a betting man; but, if I was, I couldn't even give your Son a 10% chance of being alive tomorrow." Two days later I went thru another Op. Op-1 was to keep me from dying/Op-2 was to better my chances on staying alive. Technically, I was "gone from this world", mentally, for 16 days and about 4 hours. That was 1968. Drs can be wrong, and I think they often are. Also, back when your Dad had Lung C is not like today in having the tools of analysis and tx. That is not to imply that the Lord did not hear and answer your "sort of a prayer," and hope you keep believing the Lord did, though I don't think the Lord's door is open to making deals with us people on this insignificant little rock in the vast Universe. I confess that I do believe in Divine Intervention, but am also a realist when I hear about how significant a life is when a misquito bites someone and they die because of it, or a stray bullet from a gang member kills an innocent little child, etc., etc. 

    I had never lived in a town with even 100 people in it, and when that accident happened we were living on a farm west of Freeport, Il. After 5 Ops in the Freeport hospital I was transferred to Rush-Presbyterian-St. Luke's on the Ike/West Congress Parkway in Chicago. I turned 14 in the Freeport hospital. Try to picture the shoes I was in. On Christmas Day of 1968 in Room 576 of 5 Jones East I got on the bed and kneeled in Prayer. I asked the Lord to give me the strength, and help me with the pain to endure all that was ahead of me/AKA come what may. I was alone in the room with the Lord. Went thru 18 Ops, there, over the following two years. Yes, there were some miserable post-Op nights, but pain was never part of it- only feeling miserable. And, what people have trouble comprehending, is that in all my life I've never slept better than when I was in the St. Luke's confines: I always felt the Lord was with me, watching over me, because he'd heard my Prayer. I never got any pills for sleep, and I was never given a shot for pain. Never. Of course, it would have been nice if the Lord had intervened and prevented my Mom from running the 63 Comet into that little bridge on the gravel road, but things like that just happen. Still, to get thru all those 23 Ops as easily as I did- I truly do have the Lord to thank for that. And, yes, I also have a very tough man to thank- goes by the name of **** Butkus, and his example of how a man deals with rough times. 

    kcass (avid Bear fan)

    Thanks

    Thanks Kent, I can only blame it on "Chemo" brain.... :)

     

  • wmc
    wmc Member Posts: 1,804
    #8
    Thank you all........

    Thank you all for taking the time to read this. Someone who was having a very bad time adjusting to what they are going through just said something. It was strange in a way as I never had thought of it that way before.

    So thanks    Jeff;   Tim;   Bebo;   Joe; and   Kent;

    Kent my son was in a accident and the CHP said to buy a lotery ticket. He has never seen anyone survive an accident like that in all his years. They were loosing him when the medics got there and a stranger held his hand and said to hang on. Some her voice brought him back, as he saw all his life go before him,he discribed it as a slideshow in color, until it came to his sister and it went to black and white, and a very bright white light. Again at the ER they almost lost him again, but a surgeon was their and rushed him in and again he made it. I did find the lady who stopped and held his hand. She came to see him, and asked if he remembered her? He told her he remembers her voice, and he is alive because of it.

    I also watched my wife flatline and she too, saw the white light, and all her family who had passed. She, to this day with all her medical problems, says she has never been so calm and at peace as that night. I do believe in God tho I am not one to visit churchs much. Things happen for reasons and most I will never understand. I have seen way to many things in my life one should never have to. I guess that is why it is called Faith. Before I went to have my surgery I went to my church, I like it when no one else is there. That is when it is special to me. I'm there for just me and no one else and a calm came over me that is hard to explain and discribe. I knew, I was ok and at peace, what ever the outcome. I had lost all fear, and knew I was going to be ok.

    So again I thank you all, and wish you all the best.

    Bill

  • Hondo
    Hondo Member Posts: 6,636 Member
    #9
    wmc said:

    Thank you all........

    Thank you all for taking the time to read this. Someone who was having a very bad time adjusting to what they are going through just said something. It was strange in a way as I never had thought of it that way before.

    So thanks    Jeff;   Tim;   Bebo;   Joe; and   Kent;

    Kent my son was in a accident and the CHP said to buy a lotery ticket. He has never seen anyone survive an accident like that in all his years. They were loosing him when the medics got there and a stranger held his hand and said to hang on. Some her voice brought him back, as he saw all his life go before him,he discribed it as a slideshow in color, until it came to his sister and it went to black and white, and a very bright white light. Again at the ER they almost lost him again, but a surgeon was their and rushed him in and again he made it. I did find the lady who stopped and held his hand. She came to see him, and asked if he remembered her? He told her he remembers her voice, and he is alive because of it.

    I also watched my wife flatline and she too, saw the white light, and all her family who had passed. She, to this day with all her medical problems, says she has never been so calm and at peace as that night. I do believe in God tho I am not one to visit churchs much. Things happen for reasons and most I will never understand. I have seen way to many things in my life one should never have to. I guess that is why it is called Faith. Before I went to have my surgery I went to my church, I like it when no one else is there. That is when it is special to me. I'm there for just me and no one else and a calm came over me that is hard to explain and discribe. I knew, I was ok and at peace, what ever the outcome. I had lost all fear, and knew I was going to be ok.

    So again I thank you all, and wish you all the best.

    Bill

    What a Story

    Wow that is just amazing, and yes miracles happen every day. When I look back at my life and see the high and low points in the road of life I know that only God is the reason I am still here. When it is not our time to go it is just not our time. I am happy to hear your son made it and the women who held his hand was truly a good Samaritan that God put in the right place at the right time.

     

    Tim

  • kdot2003
    kdot2003 Member Posts: 143
    #10
    Very much enjoyed reading

    Very much enjoyed reading your story.  My mom died during my cancer treatment and I struggle with the thought that I couldnt be there for her because I was busy being there for me, when it was hardest during the last weeks.  She would have wanted it that way of course.

    Karen

  • Barbaraek
    Barbaraek Member Posts: 626
    #11
    kdot2003 said:

    Very much enjoyed reading

    Very much enjoyed reading your story.  My mom died during my cancer treatment and I struggle with the thought that I couldnt be there for her because I was busy being there for me, when it was hardest during the last weeks.  She would have wanted it that way of course.

    Karen

    Karen

    We all do the very best we can given the circumstances we find ourselves in. Please don't beat yourself up emotionally about not being there for your mom - she knew/knows you love her because that kind of love transcends time and place.

    Barbara

  • wmc
    wmc Member Posts: 1,804
    #12
    kdot2003 said:

    Very much enjoyed reading

    Very much enjoyed reading your story.  My mom died during my cancer treatment and I struggle with the thought that I couldnt be there for her because I was busy being there for me, when it was hardest during the last weeks.  She would have wanted it that way of course.

    Karen

    Karen, she knows...

    She understan's way more than you know. She also feels she was not there for you, and all her love is what got you through this. 

    When my Mother passed, we all knew when it would be. She called to ask for my understanding of what she was going to do. She stopped kidney dialysis, and it would be 12 ~14 days. Of corse I did understand as I took care of her every other weekend for the last year. I told her I have 10 days of vacation and when does she want me to be there. Now is when she wanted me as at the last few days she would be in a coma, and I could do her no good. We had Hospics so we could spend time being with her and not taking care of her. Her hardest time was at night when it was quite and she thought of my Father and had trouble sleeping. That is when she wanted me in the room with her, it made her feel safe and not alone. You should never feel sad as you were where she wanted you to be. She needed you to survive.........

    Bill

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