sex after hysterectomy and chemo
Comments
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I missed this post,how?debrajo said:Thank you all!
You ladies are wonderful! After re-reading my post I can see where I come across as angry and negitive. The last thing I want to do is discourage anyone from internal radiation! I've tried all the "fix-it" things and perscription gels and for about three years they worked to an extent. Sex was tollerable, but the last 18 months I guess the scar tissue just got worse, plus, I'm old! LOL! I don't miss the sex(I was married at 18), and to tell the truth, I'd rather be cancer free. It's just the tenderness and and my youth I miss! Thank you all again! Hugs to all of you! Debra
Debra thanks for your honest post ,it's an insite into the other side of dealing with Cancer and selfish unsupporting spouse.Good thing you have 'shut shop' on him, because you are a wife doesn't mean that you have to accommodate unfeeling single focussed penis owners. You didn't cause your cancer ,it's a cop out for him because of no fault of yours you are no longer able to support his third leg,so thats a reason for such treatment after so many years Smmh !! Some men are worse on women psyche than the darn cancer itself.Do not re- open shop for such a customer, even if vagina urges you to.
Thumbs up to the men here supporting their wives, That's what better or worse means.some one should have told him.
You are so loved here Debra , enjoy life if only on your own my darling sister friend. Feel the hug. Moli.
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OMG Moli, I love you!molimoli said:I missed this post,how?
Debra thanks for your honest post ,it's an insite into the other side of dealing with Cancer and selfish unsupporting spouse.Good thing you have 'shut shop' on him, because you are a wife doesn't mean that you have to accommodate unfeeling single focussed penis owners. You didn't cause your cancer ,it's a cop out for him because of no fault of yours you are no longer able to support his third leg,so thats a reason for such treatment after so many years Smmh !! Some men are worse on women psyche than the darn cancer itself.Do not re- open shop for such a customer, even if vagina urges you to.
Thumbs up to the men here supporting their wives, That's what better or worse means.some one should have told him.
You are so loved here Debra , enjoy life if only on your own my darling sister friend. Feel the hug. Moli.
I haven't laughed so hard in years! I am litteraly laugh-crying right now! Penis owners? Third leg? OMG that is rich!!! Nope the Vagina Shop is closed for business(gee, never thought I could make money off the darn thing!) I think the thing that hurts me the most is that the 49 years we've been together as a couple and the vows we took, like death do you part, didn't mean as much to him as it does to me. That's just sad...and his lose. Maybe it will right itsself, maybe it's not, who knows. Life goes on! I thank you for the Nuff love and the big lifting laugh! I am saving this to re-read when I get down again! Life is good Moli...God doesn't close one door if he doesn't at least open a window! Love you girl!
P.S. I do not like cooked goose and you will NOT be one! The world would be too dim without you in it! Debra0 -
Penis owner!debrajo said:OMG Moli, I love you!
I haven't laughed so hard in years! I am litteraly laugh-crying right now! Penis owners? Third leg? OMG that is rich!!! Nope the Vagina Shop is closed for business(gee, never thought I could make money off the darn thing!) I think the thing that hurts me the most is that the 49 years we've been together as a couple and the vows we took, like death do you part, didn't mean as much to him as it does to me. That's just sad...and his lose. Maybe it will right itsself, maybe it's not, who knows. Life goes on! I thank you for the Nuff love and the big lifting laugh! I am saving this to re-read when I get down again! Life is good Moli...God doesn't close one door if he doesn't at least open a window! Love you girl!
P.S. I do not like cooked goose and you will NOT be one! The world would be too dim without you in it! DebraGotta remember that one.
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All - I appreciate everyoneFayard said:Hola,
I only had surgery andHola,
I only had surgery and chemo, about 5 years ago, and I still have issues with sex. The dryness is the main cause of the problem. Because I am so dry now, it hurts when having intercourse. I use Aloe Cadabra lubricant gel, but it is still uncomfortable. While in treatment, I did not have sex for about a year. We now have sex, sometimes, every two weeks. My husband is a a sweet heart.
All - I appreciate everyone sharing their experiences and the suggestions for things to try.
Someday, they may come up with a better dryness solution for us. In the meantime, maybe I'll mix Astroglide and KY, if the Astro alone doesn't work. I'm not likely to be willing to try anything until after the brachy is finished and I do my "own thing first!" with the dialators. :-)
Moli - Only you could come up with a response like that! I am still laughing and I read your post an hour ago! You missed your calling my friend!
I continue to be grateful for this wonderful group of women. It truly is a special gift to be able to ask anything and everything.
Love and Hugs,
Cindi
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Glad you saw what I didn't in that post.debrajo said:OMG Moli, I love you!
I haven't laughed so hard in years! I am litteraly laugh-crying right now! Penis owners? Third leg? OMG that is rich!!! Nope the Vagina Shop is closed for business(gee, never thought I could make money off the darn thing!) I think the thing that hurts me the most is that the 49 years we've been together as a couple and the vows we took, like death do you part, didn't mean as much to him as it does to me. That's just sad...and his lose. Maybe it will right itsself, maybe it's not, who knows. Life goes on! I thank you for the Nuff love and the big lifting laugh! I am saving this to re-read when I get down again! Life is good Moli...God doesn't close one door if he doesn't at least open a window! Love you girl!
P.S. I do not like cooked goose and you will NOT be one! The world would be too dim without you in it! DebraDeb. when I wrote that I was pissing mad and didn't see the 'funny' but now that you guys pointed it out even I am laughing. We are laughing with each other and that' a marvelous thing despite our situation,
I am grateful that you all allow me to be my hot-headed crazy self ,without being offended by my unfiltered voiced opinions .
I am pretending you are all beside me and I am doing a big group hug. Keep the spirits intact, we will get through this , in the overall scheme of life this is a slippery hill but we are climbing, no giving up.The tears the pain the laughter ,they all have their purpose although we won't, don't, can't understand it , it is part and parcel of our current life.We must vow not to dedicate all our time to it.we can't turn back,or get back time. Lets live,ok.
Nuff Nuff love always to all of you. I care.
Moli.
Dim Would be to not have all of you out there, my treasured and appreciated sisters. Dim would be that. nuff said in this one sentence.
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Staying in each others corner is our fighting tool CindiTeddyandBears_Mom said:All - I appreciate everyone
All - I appreciate everyone sharing their experiences and the suggestions for things to try.
Someday, they may come up with a better dryness solution for us. In the meantime, maybe I'll mix Astroglide and KY, if the Astro alone doesn't work. I'm not likely to be willing to try anything until after the brachy is finished and I do my "own thing first!" with the dialators. :-)
Moli - Only you could come up with a response like that! I am still laughing and I read your post an hour ago! You missed your calling my friend!
I continue to be grateful for this wonderful group of women. It truly is a special gift to be able to ask anything and everything.
Love and Hugs,
Cindi
Laughter is our anchor, it draws us back to life.If we could only beg or borrow some once a day it would cut into the pondering and give our brain a 'think nothing' break. Glad I caused that today without even trying.
We are loving and hugging you back Cindi. Keep the smile on. Moli.
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For what ? pray tell Connie.ConnieSW said:Penis owner!
Gotta remember that one.
If you have a husband or a partner ,they like to have us believe we are the owners of that tool.So don't let on that we know better. Therefore hear it here and leave it here.LOL
Nuff love, Moli
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molimolimoli said:Staying in each others corner is our fighting tool Cindi
Laughter is our anchor, it draws us back to life.If we could only beg or borrow some once a day it would cut into the pondering and give our brain a 'think nothing' break. Glad I caused that today without even trying.
We are loving and hugging you back Cindi. Keep the smile on. Moli.
I think we should vote Moli in as our Resident Ray of Sunshine! Thank you for the pissing mad also! I have had a chip on my shoulder for waaaay too long. I can't get back to age 15, or get rid of this extra 80 pounds, but by Gosh, I can still belly laugh, even at myself! Thank You, Thank You, Thank You, Moli girl! I feel soooo much better! You are petter than Prozac and Xanax together! Lol! Debra
P.S. I think we "hijacked" a thread here(sorry ladies!), but oh so worth it for the joy of laughter!
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Moli, thanks for the laugh!molimoli said:I missed this post,how?
Debra thanks for your honest post ,it's an insite into the other side of dealing with Cancer and selfish unsupporting spouse.Good thing you have 'shut shop' on him, because you are a wife doesn't mean that you have to accommodate unfeeling single focussed penis owners. You didn't cause your cancer ,it's a cop out for him because of no fault of yours you are no longer able to support his third leg,so thats a reason for such treatment after so many years Smmh !! Some men are worse on women psyche than the darn cancer itself.Do not re- open shop for such a customer, even if vagina urges you to.
Thumbs up to the men here supporting their wives, That's what better or worse means.some one should have told him.
You are so loved here Debra , enjoy life if only on your own my darling sister friend. Feel the hug. Moli.
Loved the way you stated that, I am one of the lucky ones as my husband is so understanding. I have much to be thankful far.
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Additional commentmolimoli said:I missed this post,how?
Debra thanks for your honest post ,it's an insite into the other side of dealing with Cancer and selfish unsupporting spouse.Good thing you have 'shut shop' on him, because you are a wife doesn't mean that you have to accommodate unfeeling single focussed penis owners. You didn't cause your cancer ,it's a cop out for him because of no fault of yours you are no longer able to support his third leg,so thats a reason for such treatment after so many years Smmh !! Some men are worse on women psyche than the darn cancer itself.Do not re- open shop for such a customer, even if vagina urges you to.
Thumbs up to the men here supporting their wives, That's what better or worse means.some one should have told him.
You are so loved here Debra , enjoy life if only on your own my darling sister friend. Feel the hug. Moli.
I so agree with Moli. I think you should throw the guy out or move out if you can afford to and look for a man with erectile dysfunction (maybe even erectile dysfunction due to a history of prostate cancer so that you have the history of having had cancer in common). If there are cancer survivor support groups in your area, you could try to find one there. Even if he doesn't have ED, he might be more sympathetic to your situation because of his having had cancer. Someone with ED might even be glad to find a woman who doesn't put performance pressure on him.
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Wish I could draw cross-eyed syndrome so you see my lookpinky104 said:Additional comment
I so agree with Moli. I think you should throw the guy out or move out if you can afford to and look for a man with erectile dysfunction (maybe even erectile dysfunction due to a history of prostate cancer so that you have the history of having had cancer in common). If there are cancer survivor support groups in your area, you could try to find one there. Even if he doesn't have ED, he might be more sympathetic to your situation because of his having had cancer. Someone with ED might even be glad to find a woman who doesn't put performance pressure on him.
Dearest Pinky104 !!! Of Lord I could go many places with this suggestion but I gotta know when to run, I am runnin-nnnning from this one, yes Siree Bob.
Hugging and loving but running. Moli.
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We praise the men who are real MR MANLou Ann M said:Moli, thanks for the laugh!
Loved the way you stated that, I am one of the lucky ones as my husband is so understanding. I have much to be thankful far.
OOps! you too ? yes my sister lots to be thankful for. Happy to chase frowns.Happy that he is 'all that' I wish you many more years of knowing to whom you can run.
To all the God picked husbands of my sisters on this board Thank God for you. I am hugging. (it's ok gals ,it's ciber hugs,ok? )
Moli.
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molimoli said:
We praise the men who are real MR MAN
OOps! you too ? yes my sister lots to be thankful for. Happy to chase frowns.Happy that he is 'all that' I wish you many more years of knowing to whom you can run.
To all the God picked husbands of my sisters on this board Thank God for you. I am hugging. (it's ok gals ,it's ciber hugs,ok? )
Moli.
would be ok, too. They deserve it. When I get annoyed with mine, I remind myself of that.
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Oh Pinky....pinky104 said:Additional comment
I so agree with Moli. I think you should throw the guy out or move out if you can afford to and look for a man with erectile dysfunction (maybe even erectile dysfunction due to a history of prostate cancer so that you have the history of having had cancer in common). If there are cancer survivor support groups in your area, you could try to find one there. Even if he doesn't have ED, he might be more sympathetic to your situation because of his having had cancer. Someone with ED might even be glad to find a woman who doesn't put performance pressure on him.
You are hilarious. I bet if Deb called him on it, he would go into complete panic mode at the thought of losing her.... hmmmm.....
DebraJo - Did you ever think your post would lead to this?! lol lol lol Kind of reminds me of mine with the original Orajel discussion. One never knows where this wonderful band of ladies will end up.
Love and Hugs to all,
Cindi
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I thought I was done with crying.ConnieSW said:would be ok, too. They deserve it. When I get annoyed with mine, I remind myself of that.
AAW!! Connie your short, to the point and honest post just jolted tears out of me only because I imagine that he doesn't know how you have responded. please tell him what you are telling us and do it often my darling all humans need to know they are appreciated and valued and validated in a relationship.Tell him now .Tell him often.
That being said, even the husbands who prefers to be jerks deserves to be validated as such. Count to three, take deep breaths and tell them now
PS. only do this one if they are not missing a screw. No pun intended
I simply Love you all, having the ability to make me cry or laugh at will. Oh my glass is near the brim.
Moli.
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Cindi you are just as crazy as I get sometimes.TeddyandBears_Mom said:Oh Pinky....
You are hilarious. I bet if Deb called him on it, he would go into complete panic mode at the thought of losing her.... hmmmm.....
DebraJo - Did you ever think your post would lead to this?! lol lol lol Kind of reminds me of mine with the original Orajel discussion. One never knows where this wonderful band of ladies will end up.
Love and Hugs to all,
Cindi
I still laugh at the orajel thing that took on a life of it's own ,you will be remembered for that gift of laughter my sister, did you have to replant that in my head now, LOL,LOL.
Moli
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We are each other's ray of sunshine, Agreeddebrajo said:moli
I think we should vote Moli in as our Resident Ray of Sunshine! Thank you for the pissing mad also! I have had a chip on my shoulder for waaaay too long. I can't get back to age 15, or get rid of this extra 80 pounds, but by Gosh, I can still belly laugh, even at myself! Thank You, Thank You, Thank You, Moli girl! I feel soooo much better! You are petter than Prozac and Xanax together! Lol! Debra
P.S. I think we "hijacked" a thread here(sorry ladies!), but oh so worth it for the joy of laughter!
We are bouncing off of each other , as we feel the different spirits of each other, we feel the support , In our own different ways we embrace this sense of group sounding boards. Our lives are different,maybe, but our hope for our selves is the same , therefore becomes the bond, which becomes one hope for all.
Debra we will continue to shine as a group so that we can spot when each other's rays getting dim and flick the on switch for them so that we all stay shining in our own way, till 'then' If we maintain the group and each others lamps, dim or bright, What marvelous fulfillment we will feel at the downing of our sun. I am reaching on tippytoes for that fulfillment.
Our life on Earth is a cycle and so we should all do the best we can so someone somewhere will smile (NOT FROWN) when they remember us as we were before darkness came.
I am not religious but I have my beliefs from which I get my peace with life.
Moli.
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I never had it explaineddebrajo said:No sex
It happened to me. I had the surgery, chemo,brancytheropy(5) no one said a thing. Husband was up for three times a week, but I couldn't even go once, the pain was unbeleable, bleeding and I had the extra two open heart surgerys to contend with. The dialator was no good at all, husband wasn't happy, I sure wasn't happy about the pain. I asked why I was different and she told me that the vigina is only 3-4 inches long moist anf flexable. My surgery took two inches off for the cuff and sewing, the lack of hormones caused the dryness and unflexability, and the brackytheropy radiation burned the inside of the viagina to the point that all mucus membranes were dead. So I have a two inch viagina that is not moist reguardless of the lubercants, and cannot streach, thus the pain and bleeding. The last year and a half there has been no sex. It has cost me my marriage of 46 years. He told me the other day that he cared for me, but he no longer loved me since all this cancer could have been preventived. I should have taken better care of myself. If I die, it won't be from cancer, but a broken heart. But I chose to live and do everything I could to completely kill the cancer. Would I do it all over again....yes. We still live in the same house, but he has no reguard for me because I did this to myself. You ladies with husband/boyfriends that understand and support you...hang on to them.
Cindi, you know every one is different and you may be the luck one that it does get better for....I was not so lucky. Best, Debra
to me before. I have so much pain and achy ness even without sex. I kept asking my doctors why? He said he dosen't know why because when he did the internal exam every thing looked fine and was healed. I started to have this kind of pain from the brachatherpy. Five treatments. I would have liked an honest explanation why I am in so much pain even just trying the small dialalator.
Thank you for explaining what has happened to my body.
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This is so true Cindi.TeddyandBears_Mom said:Great Feedback
Thank you all for the responses! Burning is the correct description for the type of pain. Beyond any I have ever experienced.
And, NO! I was not told this could be an issue after surgery.
Chris - where do I get this Cool Water cone ? Never heard of it. Maybe I can do an on-line search?
I even thought about using an ice pack afterwards.
The burning is gone now but I'm still quite sore. Hopefully that will resolve before Thursday.
By the way, the paperwork I got from the Radiologist says to use the dialator EVERY day for 2 weeks then 2-3 Xs per week after that. Let me just say that if it causes the same kind of pain, I'll never make it on a daily basis!
Love and Hugs,
Cindi
The internal exams are awful! It will be a year in April I believe since my last treatment and I stopped using the dilator about 2 months ago because the pain never got any better. Then at my office visit my doctor said to stop using the dilator because I was all healed inside so no need. I don't know who or what to believe in the medical field. I know since I stopped using the dilator I'm not aching in my verging and pelvic region as much. Sex is not even a thought at this point in my life.
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This is where my husband andLou Ann M said:Debra
How horrible to be told that you could have prevented cancer. I also think it is very unfeeling for him to want sex when he knows that you are suffering through it. Almost everyday I hear something that reaffirms how blessed I am to have the husband that I have. 47 years in February.
We have solved the sex problem, by finding other ways to be intimate. He understands how very tired I am, and I think he is afraid of hurting me. We do a lot of cuddling. Not ruling it out in the future, but not right now. Lou Ann
This is where my husband and I are - cuddling. Right now sex is the farthest thing from my mind and he is fine with that. We'll be married 45 years in September and been together for 47. He is the best thing that ever happened to me and I have never felt more loved and protected. Our son was engaged on New Year's Eve and I know he's going to be a wonderful husband and father because he had a great role model.
Love,
Eldri
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