sex after hysterectomy and chemo

Cindi, I'm single and hope to have sex someday again!  

I was told the only time the size of a woman's vagina would be affected would be after brachytherapy, and THEN - they give you a dialator to use, in addition to any sex you might have.  They will tell you to use the dialator 3 times a week but a dear warrior friend of ours, Jazzy Jan, said to use it EVERYDAY.  10 minutes, but everyday.

I'll always be honest with you all, it was hard at first, but it gets easier.  I sometimes have visits with the oncologist associated with my gyn onc's office and she said sex should not be a problem.  The dialator is for life, but that's ok. They come in different sizes and I was told most women use Medium.  My gyn onc said I should try a Large.  Holy cow!!!  I have gotten used to that and the nurse at his office and I laughed about it.  She said she has never seen any woman use the Large and that, "you're the woman".  Ha!  Gotta laugh sometimes.  

Now, as for the bleeding, I would suggest just calling the doctor's office and ask them about it.  I guarantee you they have heard it before and will be happy to help.  We are sexual beings and there is nothing to be ashamed of.  

We say "you can ask anything here", and we mean it!

Kaleena said:

I was originally told to use

I was originally told to use the dialator daily for 10 minutes or have intercourse at least 2x a week.  Was having problems - painful etc.

I eventually had enough and just gave it up  - my husband is a saint.  

 

 

Were any of you told to expect this before surgery?  I wasn't.  It wouldn't have changed the course of things, but I still would have liked to know.  

ConnieSW said:

Question

Were any of you told to expect this before surgery?  I wasn't.  It wouldn't have changed the course of things, but I still would have liked to know.  

This was never mentioned as a side effect of surgery that I remember.  It wouldn't have changed anything for me, either.  Ironically, my BF had prostate surgery about a year ago, followed by radiation, so he has his own set of issues.  We are an interesting pair at this point!

my gyno/oncologist is a woman is very open about this.  I can't recall what she suggested as an alterntaive to KY jelly.  But you could try the dialator for a little until the pain subisdes.  This has been recommended by my gyno.   I do know that with internal radiation you need to use the dialator or have sex at least 2 x a week or you can build up scar tissue and internals will be a problem. 

debrajo said:

No sex

It happened to me.  I had the surgery, chemo,brancytheropy(5) no one said a thing.  Husband was up for three times a week, but I couldn't even go once, the pain was unbeleable, bleeding and I had the extra two open heart surgerys to contend with.  The dialator was no good at all, husband wasn't happy, I sure wasn't happy about the pain.  I asked why I was different and she told me that the vigina is only 3-4 inches long moist anf flexable.  My surgery took two inches off for the cuff and sewing, the lack of hormones caused the dryness and unflexability, and the brackytheropy radiation burned the inside of the viagina to the point that all mucus membranes were dead.  So I have a two inch viagina that is not moist reguardless of the lubercants, and cannot streach, thus the pain and bleeding.  The last year and a half there has been no sex.  It has cost me my marriage of 46 years.  He told me the other day that he cared for me, but he no longer loved me since all this cancer could have been preventived.  I should have taken better care of myself.  If I die, it won't be from cancer, but a broken heart.  But I chose to live and do everything I could to completely kill the cancer.  Would I do it all over again....yes.  We still live in the same house, but he has no reguard for me because I did this to myself.  You ladies with husband/boyfriends that understand and support you...hang on to them.

Cindi, you know every one is different and you may be the luck one that it does get better for....I was not so lucky.  Best, Debra

How horrible to be told that you could have prevented cancer.   I also think it is very unfeeling for him to want sex when he knows that you are suffering through it.  Almost everyday I hear something that reaffirms how blessed I am to have the husband that I have.      47 years in February.  

We have solved the sex problem, by finding other ways to be intimate.  He understands how very tired I am, and I think he is afraid of hurting me.  We do a lot of cuddling.  Not ruling it out in the future, but not right now.  Lou Ann

debrajo said:

No sex

It happened to me.  I had the surgery, chemo,brancytheropy(5) no one said a thing.  Husband was up for three times a week, but I couldn't even go once, the pain was unbeleable, bleeding and I had the extra two open heart surgerys to contend with.  The dialator was no good at all, husband wasn't happy, I sure wasn't happy about the pain.  I asked why I was different and she told me that the vigina is only 3-4 inches long moist anf flexable.  My surgery took two inches off for the cuff and sewing, the lack of hormones caused the dryness and unflexability, and the brackytheropy radiation burned the inside of the viagina to the point that all mucus membranes were dead.  So I have a two inch viagina that is not moist reguardless of the lubercants, and cannot streach, thus the pain and bleeding.  The last year and a half there has been no sex.  It has cost me my marriage of 46 years.  He told me the other day that he cared for me, but he no longer loved me since all this cancer could have been preventived.  I should have taken better care of myself.  If I die, it won't be from cancer, but a broken heart.  But I chose to live and do everything I could to completely kill the cancer.  Would I do it all over again....yes.  We still live in the same house, but he has no reguard for me because I did this to myself.  You ladies with husband/boyfriends that understand and support you...hang on to them.

Cindi, you know every one is different and you may be the luck one that it does get better for....I was not so lucky.  Best, Debra

I'm so sorry, Debra.  How can your husband think this is somehow your fault?  That's just crazy!  I am lucky because I have never felt so loved and protected and it just breaks my heart you have to go through this alone.  (((Debra)))

Love,

Eldri

Cindi,

When we first started after surgery , I would have some slight bleeding as well. It does eventually heal. My doctor recommended Astroglide and it is great, we never go without it. Sometimes even know if my husband and I aren't positioned a certain way it will be uncomfortable. After my brachytherapy and I healed for awhile. I used the dilators everyday. Or I would tell my husband it I would need stretched, lol. My libido is terrible, but his is not. He never once ever made me feel bad about anything,so I am blessed and will hang unto him. Any other questions don't hesitate. 

Tami

TeddyandBears_Mom said:

Tami

Thanks very much for sharing your experience!

Seems like we all have similar stories...

I'll try the Astroglide. Great name, right?! lol

Love and Hugs,

Cindi

i remember others recommending it.  I think Alexandra was one.