Giving Advice

Amy920 · December 2015

Hello All--

This is my first post in hopes of learning from others who are going through the same thing I am. Just over 1 year ago my mother was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. She has tumors in her esophagus, stomach and liver. One year later she is still on chemo bi-weekly to attack all the issues. She is doing as well as she can and all of us can tell it is starting to get extremely difficult for her. She has gone through some rough side effects, weight loss and gain, exhaustion, etc.

With all that being said, I recently realized the first thing I need to work on is learning how to give advice. I am in my late 20's and am trying to be as supportive as possible with out being another adult to lecture my adult mother on how to take care of herself both physically and mentally. i think she could be eating better and doing better things for her mental state. She is becomig depressed and I am getting concerned that it is going to impact her cancer fighting.

Looking for any help, resources, and support.

Sincerely,

Daughter who just wants to help.

Ladylacy · December 2015

Your Mother

My husband fought cancer for 5 years and at times I thought the same as you until I realized that the radiation, chemo and surgery all had their own side effects and he was doing the best he could. As far as eating, that is hard for all cancer fighters. Have you tried the drinks like Nutren, Jevity, etc. They are loaded with protein, vitamins, etc. My husband had a PEG tube inserted because he couldn't swallow. My aunt who fought esophageal cancer for 3 years also had problems with eating but her mental state, like my husband's would be good one time and bad the next. I used to tell people, everything was my husband's decision, I was just along for the ride. When he decided no more treatment I didn't try and talk him out of it. I wanted him to continue treatment but it was his choice to make, not mine nor our sons and I never felt like he was giving up. But after watching what he went thru, I don't think I could do it.

Cancer is a hard battle for anyone and I am a firm believer that it is the person's choice on how to proceed. We were told up front when his cancer returned and spread that chemo was the only option and it wouldn't cure him only prolong and possibly hasten his time. Remember chemo is a poison that is going into the body and the side effects and results are different for everyone.

Wishing you and your family peace and comfort

Noellesmom · December 2015

Dear daughter

Just think about how you would prefer to be approached about these things.

My husband and I generally have easy discussions about these kinds of topics but, occasionally, he has to get a little mad to actually make himself deal with a problem. It is my job to poke him with a stick and provide the mad.

You need a team for this stretch of cancer fighting. Reach out to people who will spend time with your mom going to restaurants and movies. You need fresh perspectives to help now. Maybe a general checkup is needed: at one point my husband needed medication to stimulate his appetite. Still working onencouraging exercise.

Don't forget to take care of yourself, Daughter, in all ways.

Amy920 · January 2016

Noellesmom said:
Dear daughter
Just think about how you would prefer to be approached about these things.

My husband and I generally have easy discussions about these kinds of topics but, occasionally, he has to get a little mad to actually make himself deal with a problem. It is my job to poke him with a stick and provide the mad.

You need a team for this stretch of cancer fighting. Reach out to people who will spend time with your mom going to restaurants and movies. You need fresh perspectives to help now. Maybe a general checkup is needed: at one point my husband needed medication to stimulate his appetite. Still working onencouraging exercise.

Don't forget to take care of yourself, Daughter, in all ways.

Thank You

Hello Noellesmom,

Thank you for the advice and kind words. It is easier to think about when I put myself in my moms shoes. I agree that she needs a support team. It was suggested to me to use/suggest a wellness center for my family and mom. It was described to me as a center where cancer patients and their families can go to get support in various capacities. I would want to use it to talk to someone about emotional support. But I want to suggest it to my mom to use for additional support from people who are going through the same thing she is. Did you and your husband use something like this, or have you heard of it? (Or has anyone??) I am mostly concerned about her emotional and psychological state right now more than anything and I think having a support group would help.

Thanks,

Daughter who wants to help

Noellesmom · January 2016

Amy920 said:
Thank You
Hello Noellesmom,

Thank you for the advice and kind words. It is easier to think about when I put myself in my moms shoes. I agree that she needs a support team. It was suggested to me to use/suggest a wellness center for my family and mom. It was described to me as a center where cancer patients and their families can go to get support in various capacities. I would want to use it to talk to someone about emotional support. But I want to suggest it to my mom to use for additional support from people who are going through the same thing she is. Did you and your husband use something like this, or have you heard of it? (Or has anyone??) I am mostly concerned about her emotional and psychological state right now more than anything and I think having a support group would help.

Thanks,

Daughter who wants to help

Wellness center

I don't believe we have anything like that but by all means take advantage of it.

Maybe this us a good time for your mom to reach out to old friends and family members with whom she has been close in the past.

Professional counselors are also a resource.

Giving Advice

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