Is God preparing us?

cheatinlil
cheatinlil Member Posts: 197
in Caregivers #1

I lost a coworker that was 51 to cancer last week.

Lately I have been feeling like God is preparing us for the inevitable.  We have recently decided my husband should go from short term disability to Long term and not return to work.  I am taking 3 weeks off in December and we are going on a 1 week cruise (me and hubby only) and spending time with the kids at home the rest of the time.  I have never taken more than 1 week off at a time since 1996.  I feel an urgency to spend time with him and enjoy ourselves while we can.

I journal and I write down daily the things I love about my husband and the ways he makes me laugh daily because I don’t want to forget when he is gone. 

Thursday he is leaving town with 2 of his brothers to visit his Mom who is have a colon cancer procedure.  It has probably been 20+ years since they have all gone to see her at once. 

Plus once when I was stressing about the finances my husband blurted out he just wants to end it all so I am not so stressed.  We talked it out and I told him I am just venting about it.  I would rather have him here in the house with me with the financial stress then him in heaven.

All these decisions and open doors makes me wonder if God is preparing us for the inevitable.  I just pray and pray for God to prolong his life :(

Comments

  • HOPE610
    HOPE610 Member Posts: 28
    #2
    hope

    I don't honestly know if this will help, but I am going to try.  My husband is a 5 1/2 year survivor of stage 4 prostate cancer and eveyday can be a joy and a battle.  My life is a roller coaster, as I am sure yours it. I try to focus always on the positive even when the issues around us are not about the cancer and the battle we are fighting together.  Keep praying and thanking God for every moment whether special or the ordinary.  Laugh and pray every single day...espcially the hard ones.  I listen to Joel Osteen on sirius xm daily...he uplifts my spirit no matter how bad the day.  I only tell you that because of how much his ministry has helped my soul.  I don't consider myself religious, but I do consider myself a woman of great faith.  As much as my husband is my rock and I am his...I rely on faith to get me through. 

    I have also found great support and stregnth through Relay For Life.  We have been involved since 2013 and have participated in five Relays.  It truly inspires me and gives me a whole new network of people that can help support you and your husband. 

    Lean on the people you love and cherish every single moment you have.  I pray that you have many years with your husband and you fill many volumes of memories.

    Take care.

     

  • cheatinlil
    cheatinlil Member Posts: 197
    #3
    HOPE610 said:

    hope

    I don't honestly know if this will help, but I am going to try.  My husband is a 5 1/2 year survivor of stage 4 prostate cancer and eveyday can be a joy and a battle.  My life is a roller coaster, as I am sure yours it. I try to focus always on the positive even when the issues around us are not about the cancer and the battle we are fighting together.  Keep praying and thanking God for every moment whether special or the ordinary.  Laugh and pray every single day...espcially the hard ones.  I listen to Joel Osteen on sirius xm daily...he uplifts my spirit no matter how bad the day.  I only tell you that because of how much his ministry has helped my soul.  I don't consider myself religious, but I do consider myself a woman of great faith.  As much as my husband is my rock and I am his...I rely on faith to get me through. 

    I have also found great support and stregnth through Relay For Life.  We have been involved since 2013 and have participated in five Relays.  It truly inspires me and gives me a whole new network of people that can help support you and your husband. 

    Lean on the people you love and cherish every single moment you have.  I pray that you have many years with your husband and you fill many volumes of memories.

    Take care.

     

    THank you hope for your

    THank you hope for your response.  I'm sorry we are both here but I'm glad we are not alone. 

  • HOPE610
    HOPE610 Member Posts: 28
    #4
    cheatinlil said:

    THank you hope for your

    THank you hope for your response.  I'm sorry we are both here but I'm glad we are not alone. 

    a little more hope

    It is hard not to feel alone sometimes.  We have been struggling financially as well.  My husband retired about 1 1/2 after his diagnosis due to several health factors.  Some were cancer related and some not.  I have been considering cashing out my 401K despite the penalty and paying off absolutely everything that I can.  I have very good insurance, but I am being forced to move to a high deductible plan, which means nothing (including prescriptions) is covered until we meet our deductible.  It will be a tough year.  I hate to cash it out.  It my nest egg despite its 'small' size. 

    I told my husband the same thing that you did.  I would rather lose everything we have than lose him because we didn't try.  He is several years older than me, so I have always kind of understood that we may not be together 'forever'.  I hope it doesn't come to losing everything, but I'll cross that bridge when we get to it.  I guess my bigger fear is watching him suffer.  You wouldn't know he had cancer if you saw him.  He has no real outward signs.  He does have side effects to his treatments, but he has his hair and he tires easily, but does not look ragged and worn out.  When I start to dwell on the negative I try very hard to turn it over to God.  I pray for strength and grace for every situation I face. 

    I continue to wish you strength and peace from God.  All the best.

  • cheatinlil
    cheatinlil Member Posts: 197
    #5
    I don't know much BUT we are

    I don't know much BUT we are waiting till my husband is 59 1/2 (February of 2016) to cash in his 401K.  Its an early retireiment age and there is no penalty.  I don't know how old your hubby is but it is also something to consider.  Plus if we are still struggeling this time next year, I'm going to refinance my house for 30 years.  You may think about that becaus it will make your monthly bills lower.  One more thing, in case we have to claim the cash in as income, I'm waiting till next year to at least not have to claim any more this year.  Keep posting.  You are not alone!  Hugs! :)

     

    Another thing is I hope you have a tax person because I count every medical expense as a tax deduction.  It includes mileage for treatment, parking and even hotel stays, and of course the huge bills. 

  • wolfen
    wolfen Member Posts: 1,324 Member
    #6
    cheatinlil said:

    I don't know much BUT we are

    I don't know much BUT we are waiting till my husband is 59 1/2 (February of 2016) to cash in his 401K.  Its an early retireiment age and there is no penalty.  I don't know how old your hubby is but it is also something to consider.  Plus if we are still struggeling this time next year, I'm going to refinance my house for 30 years.  You may think about that becaus it will make your monthly bills lower.  One more thing, in case we have to claim the cash in as income, I'm waiting till next year to at least not have to claim any more this year.  Keep posting.  You are not alone!  Hugs! :)

     

    Another thing is I hope you have a tax person because I count every medical expense as a tax deduction.  It includes mileage for treatment, parking and even hotel stays, and of course the huge bills. 

    Lil

    I'm not sure that God or anyone else can prepare you for the loss of the person you have been joined at the hip with for many years. I have been where both you and Hope are and have now lost my husband and daughter to Cancer within a 14 month period. Did I know it was coming? YES Did I believe it? NO Yet it happened.

    I am glad you each have some type of financial plan in the wings. My husband had no retirement and no life insurance. As I continue to struggle with my losses emotionally, I struggle each day to pay bills and buy food. I lost my retirement when the stock market died a few years ago and Social Security does not go far.

    Even if you are financially stable, be prepared for your lives to turn upside down.

    My thoughts are with you both.

    Luv,

    Wolfen

  • SpTeach
    SpTeach Member Posts: 32
    #7
    HOPE610 said:

    a little more hope

    It is hard not to feel alone sometimes.  We have been struggling financially as well.  My husband retired about 1 1/2 after his diagnosis due to several health factors.  Some were cancer related and some not.  I have been considering cashing out my 401K despite the penalty and paying off absolutely everything that I can.  I have very good insurance, but I am being forced to move to a high deductible plan, which means nothing (including prescriptions) is covered until we meet our deductible.  It will be a tough year.  I hate to cash it out.  It my nest egg despite its 'small' size. 

    I told my husband the same thing that you did.  I would rather lose everything we have than lose him because we didn't try.  He is several years older than me, so I have always kind of understood that we may not be together 'forever'.  I hope it doesn't come to losing everything, but I'll cross that bridge when we get to it.  I guess my bigger fear is watching him suffer.  You wouldn't know he had cancer if you saw him.  He has no real outward signs.  He does have side effects to his treatments, but he has his hair and he tires easily, but does not look ragged and worn out.  When I start to dwell on the negative I try very hard to turn it over to God.  I pray for strength and grace for every situation I face. 

    I continue to wish you strength and peace from God.  All the best.

    I understand

    I know how you feel.  My wife was diagnosed in 2013 with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.  She underwent 16 rounds of aggressive chemo then a double mastectomy.  When pathology came back it had become HER2 positive which meant another 17 rounds of treatment.  It devastated us financially because our mortgage company didn't think that the loss of 30,000 in income, a cancer diagnosis and increased hospital/medical bills was cause for a hardship.  We Thank God everyday that she is doing well, no sign of cancer.  We're still dealing with side effects of the treatment, memory loss, short term memory problems, emotional issues but she is here and God has delivered a miracle.  We may have lost our home and are facing bankruptcy, but she is here with me.

     

    God Bless

  • cheatinlil
    cheatinlil Member Posts: 197
    #8
    wolfen said:

    Lil

    I'm not sure that God or anyone else can prepare you for the loss of the person you have been joined at the hip with for many years. I have been where both you and Hope are and have now lost my husband and daughter to Cancer within a 14 month period. Did I know it was coming? YES Did I believe it? NO Yet it happened.

    I am glad you each have some type of financial plan in the wings. My husband had no retirement and no life insurance. As I continue to struggle with my losses emotionally, I struggle each day to pay bills and buy food. I lost my retirement when the stock market died a few years ago and Social Security does not go far.

    Even if you are financially stable, be prepared for your lives to turn upside down.

    My thoughts are with you both.

    Luv,

    Wolfen

    Oh Wolfen I'm so sorry to

    Oh Wolfen I'm so sorry to hear that. :(  You have been through too much.  More than you should have to go through in a lifetime :(  You are right.  I think I'm aware that he won't always be here but there really is no way to prepare for that.  You have given me a heavy does of reality.  My thoughts and prayers will be with you.  I know I can give you any words to comfort you.  HUGS to you. 

  • HOPE610
    HOPE610 Member Posts: 28
    #9
    SpTeach said:

    I understand

    I know how you feel.  My wife was diagnosed in 2013 with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.  She underwent 16 rounds of aggressive chemo then a double mastectomy.  When pathology came back it had become HER2 positive which meant another 17 rounds of treatment.  It devastated us financially because our mortgage company didn't think that the loss of 30,000 in income, a cancer diagnosis and increased hospital/medical bills was cause for a hardship.  We Thank God everyday that she is doing well, no sign of cancer.  We're still dealing with side effects of the treatment, memory loss, short term memory problems, emotional issues but she is here and God has delivered a miracle.  We may have lost our home and are facing bankruptcy, but she is here with me.

     

    God Bless

    God is good!  I am very happy

    God is good!  I am very happy to hear that she is cancer free.  I tell my husband things don't matter, he does!

     

    God Bless

  • HOPE610
    HOPE610 Member Posts: 28
    #10
    cheatinlil said:

    I don't know much BUT we are

    I don't know much BUT we are waiting till my husband is 59 1/2 (February of 2016) to cash in his 401K.  Its an early retireiment age and there is no penalty.  I don't know how old your hubby is but it is also something to consider.  Plus if we are still struggeling this time next year, I'm going to refinance my house for 30 years.  You may think about that becaus it will make your monthly bills lower.  One more thing, in case we have to claim the cash in as income, I'm waiting till next year to at least not have to claim any more this year.  Keep posting.  You are not alone!  Hugs! :)

     

    Another thing is I hope you have a tax person because I count every medical expense as a tax deduction.  It includes mileage for treatment, parking and even hotel stays, and of course the huge bills. 

    I probably need a tax

    I probably need a tax person.  I currently do it myself.  Thanks for the advice!!!

     

    Hugs!

  • HOPE610
    HOPE610 Member Posts: 28
    #11
    wolfen said:

    Lil

    I'm not sure that God or anyone else can prepare you for the loss of the person you have been joined at the hip with for many years. I have been where both you and Hope are and have now lost my husband and daughter to Cancer within a 14 month period. Did I know it was coming? YES Did I believe it? NO Yet it happened.

    I am glad you each have some type of financial plan in the wings. My husband had no retirement and no life insurance. As I continue to struggle with my losses emotionally, I struggle each day to pay bills and buy food. I lost my retirement when the stock market died a few years ago and Social Security does not go far.

    Even if you are financially stable, be prepared for your lives to turn upside down.

    My thoughts are with you both.

    Luv,

    Wolfen

    Hugs

    Wolfen,

    I am s sorry to hear about your husband and daughter.  I can't imagine the emotional pain you are dealing with.  I pray that you find away to make things better in your life.  I hope you have some family or friends to help support you.  If you don't have support, please find someone to talk to.  I'll keep you in my prayers.  Keep posting my friend.

    Hugs.

     

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