Struggling alone

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Comments

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,804 Member
    #22
    katie33745 said:

    Hello,
    I am new at this, just

    Hello,

    I am new at this, just received the cancer diagnosis 3 days ago.  I would love to hear from people who have been diagnosed with anal cancer.  Are there other sites I could check out for information and support?

     

    Thanks,

     

    Katie

     

    Hello Katie

    I am sorry about your diagnosis.

    Here is the link to the Anal Cancer forum. It is like this forum but Anal specific. There are lots of forums here on the American Cancer Society web site. 

    http://csn.cancer.org/forum/196

    I wish you the best as you start this journey. 

    Sue - Trubrit

  • lilpep1972
    lilpep1972 Member Posts: 80
    #23
    Hello

    hello Sharon

     I'm not as much a writer as a reader I was Dx wit stage IIIc  colon in Nov of 2014.. as you can see this board is absolutley amazing

    the people are true friends maybe virtual but TRUE friends.. the information as well as the support is like none other.. I felt the same way a year ago very confused very alone, thought it was the end.. But along with my Dr's an the people on this board I know I'm not outta the woods yet it's only been a year but your life will return to normal.. Just a new normal..lol.. And let the people on THIS board help you with that they have all been down the road and are all willing to help.. wheneva you feel the need to talk or even a hug Sue,Ron,Rich and everyone else here are right there I promise you.. They are absolutely AMAZING people.. I wish you the best of luck 

    just know in your mind you can an will get thru this.. read alot, meditate an exercise.. To me this thing we all have is as much a mind disease as it is a body one.. Stay strong an positive :) 

    chris

  • wolfen
    wolfen Member Posts: 1,324 Member
    #24
    lilpep1972 said:

    Hello

    hello Sharon

     I'm not as much a writer as a reader I was Dx wit stage IIIc  colon in Nov of 2014.. as you can see this board is absolutley amazing

    the people are true friends maybe virtual but TRUE friends.. the information as well as the support is like none other.. I felt the same way a year ago very confused very alone, thought it was the end.. But along with my Dr's an the people on this board I know I'm not outta the woods yet it's only been a year but your life will return to normal.. Just a new normal..lol.. And let the people on THIS board help you with that they have all been down the road and are all willing to help.. wheneva you feel the need to talk or even a hug Sue,Ron,Rich and everyone else here are right there I promise you.. They are absolutely AMAZING people.. I wish you the best of luck 

    just know in your mind you can an will get thru this.. read alot, meditate an exercise.. To me this thing we all have is as much a mind disease as it is a body one.. Stay strong an positive :) 

    chris

    Sharon

    I'm so sorry that you are facing this alone. I have lost a husband and child to this terrible disease. I am a member of a Grief Healing Forum and one member posted this. It made me think of your post here.

    "We must learn who is Gold and who is Gold Plated."

    This is a very hard lesson to learn, especially during a time when we are ill, frightened, and alone. My husband's friends were Gold Plated and still are, so I stand alone with my son and grandson. My daughter's friends were Pure Gold.

    Luv,

    Wolfen

  • ron50
    ron50 Member Posts: 1,723 Member
    #25
    JanJan63 said:

    Ron, how terrible. I'm so

    Ron, how terrible. I'm so sorry. I didn't know that about you. Sending you a hug.

    Thanks Jan

        It is all ok . I don't blame her she unfortunately was avictim of things that no father should do to a daughter. We have never gotten back togeather but she is very sad about what happened to me and us . I have totally forgiven her and we are still very good friends just no longer tgeather. I still try to support her through the rough patches. Somethings you just can't forget . I guess I am happier alone now . My first wife played the field a lot . That was something I tried to overcome with counselling for both of us. She was not interested and left taking my two young children. I had grounds to try for custody but little ones need their mother. That was the start of another ten year stint on my own. So I guess I am a very experienced loner. Many people have said to me that we are not meant to be on our own. Sometimes it is better than the alternatives. Ron.

  • Sharronoffaith
    Sharronoffaith Member Posts: 76
    #26
    ron50 said:

    Thanks Jan

        It is all ok . I don't blame her she unfortunately was avictim of things that no father should do to a daughter. We have never gotten back togeather but she is very sad about what happened to me and us . I have totally forgiven her and we are still very good friends just no longer tgeather. I still try to support her through the rough patches. Somethings you just can't forget . I guess I am happier alone now . My first wife played the field a lot . That was something I tried to overcome with counselling for both of us. She was not interested and left taking my two young children. I had grounds to try for custody but little ones need their mother. That was the start of another ten year stint on my own. So I guess I am a very experienced loner. Many people have said to me that we are not meant to be on our own. Sometimes it is better than the alternatives. Ron.

    Thanks so much for sharing!

    hey Ron,  sorry to hear that you have pretty much navigated this alone.  I think maybe it is just too hard also for people to think about or imagine our suffering.  I hope you are not totally alone.  I mean by that that I connect with folks at the hospital, and I spend time at the library.  So, basically, I do socialize, but as far as helpers...there are none.

    but, I would almost rather have no help than what I saw and overheard today at the hospital.  Briefly:  there were three young women behind me on the escalator, and they were pretty much tearing this other woman down.  I felt bad as they were obviously nice to her face as they were talking about her tests, and then pretty much blaming her for her illness.  Then one of these women, I will call her bimbo, started talking about dying her hair, while another talked about doing her eyelashes.  I felt like saying something. But, of course I didn't.  i would have only said something if i thought  that it may soften their hearts.  But, some people are just cruel.  I do think that one of my friends is similar in thought. But, I am sure these women think nothing of tearing one another down when they are not together.  I am trying my best to avoid people like that.  I think their energy is just awful, and mostly I am learning to discerne those that feed off misery like pirranah.

    That said, I think you seem like a nice guy.  If you were my neighbor, we would be fishing!  So, I hope you are filling your life with little connections here and there.  I have learned to like my alone time.

    and...big time I thank everyone here for making me see that, for whatever reason, this is not personal to me.  I felt like I must be such a loser friend that people would not be here when I need them.  

     

    God bless!

  • Sharronoffaith
    Sharronoffaith Member Posts: 76
    #27
    wolfen said:

    Sharon

    I'm so sorry that you are facing this alone. I have lost a husband and child to this terrible disease. I am a member of a Grief Healing Forum and one member posted this. It made me think of your post here.

    "We must learn who is Gold and who is Gold Plated."

    This is a very hard lesson to learn, especially during a time when we are ill, frightened, and alone. My husband's friends were Gold Plated and still are, so I stand alone with my son and grandson. My daughter's friends were Pure Gold.

    Luv,

    Wolfen

    Thanks...and sorry for your loss

    hi wolfen,  first let me say, I am very sorry for your loss.  I wish people knew that it is such a huge loss to lose friends and go through illness of ourselves or those we love at the same time.  i think maybe some people just cannot handle the thought of suffering.  I know my older sister is kinda like that.  my mom had heart disease, and she was in the hospital and needed to be removed from life support. I was the only one in my family to not leave her side.  I take no bragging rights in that; I just have always been that kind of person.  I think my sister just couldn't handle it, but I know she loved our mom Just as much as I did.  I just felt and wanted to be there.  I think those of us that are the caretakers maybe find it hard to imagine those who do not feel that.  I think that is some of my circle.

    others, on the other hand, are just selfish.  I am learning...lol...

    so, thanks so much for your reply.  Now you know who the caretakers are in your circle!  I will try also to seek out those gold folks you speak of.  I think I have some, but I am so afraid to ask.  Professional help has been awesome, along with this forum.

    i wish you well, and keep you and everyone here in my prayers.  

     

  • Sharronoffaith
    Sharronoffaith Member Posts: 76
    #28
    vtspa6 said:

    I say, welcome to the

    I say, welcome to the sandbox!  Sorry to hear that you have been dx'ed with cancer.  Since my husband's cancer, I have found this to be a wonderful place to get information, vent, and just to tell your story.

    Thank you please pass the shovel..

    thanks for the reply.  And I hope and pray for good results for you and your husband.  I think I like this sandbox,  so please pass the plastic castle mold also.  I am going to be in here a while!

  • Sharronoffaith
    Sharronoffaith Member Posts: 76
    #29
    danker said:

    little phrase

    I love your attitude with the little phrase!!Look up my history  I'm going on 6 yrs NED(no evedence of disease) and started out like you. Only I'm much older. LOL  So just take it a day at a time knowing you can beat it.  Good Luck

    Thank you and congrats!

    thank you so much for your reply. It comforts and inspires me to see people who are NED, but still sticking around to help others And to participate in this forum. I will be here for a while myself. I was really moved to see so many people reach out to me so quickly. And, i have a much better understanding, and compassion for those folks who don't know what to say.  I am here, and I still worry I might say the wrong thing!

     

    God bless

  • JanJan63
    JanJan63 Member Posts: 2,478 Member
    #30
    wolfen said:

    Sharon

    I'm so sorry that you are facing this alone. I have lost a husband and child to this terrible disease. I am a member of a Grief Healing Forum and one member posted this. It made me think of your post here.

    "We must learn who is Gold and who is Gold Plated."

    This is a very hard lesson to learn, especially during a time when we are ill, frightened, and alone. My husband's friends were Gold Plated and still are, so I stand alone with my son and grandson. My daughter's friends were Pure Gold.

    Luv,

    Wolfen

    Oh wolfen. A husband is bad

    Oh wolfen. A husband is bad enough but a child? I can't imagine a deeper sorrow. I am so very sorry.

     

  • z
    z Member Posts: 1,414 Member
    #31
    katie33745 said:

    Hello,
    I am new at this, just

    Hello,

    I am new at this, just received the cancer diagnosis 3 days ago.  I would love to hear from people who have been diagnosed with anal cancer.  Are there other sites I could check out for information and support?

     

    Thanks,

     

    Katie

     

    Katie

    Hello, There is a anal cancer discussion board on the csn site.  Lots of support there, please check it out.  I am a anal cancer survivor who completed tx on 6-30-09 and have no evidence of disease.  Lori

  • Helen321
    Helen321 Member Posts: 1,460 Member
    #32
    I told one of my good friends

    I told one of my good friends that I had cancer, she said "oh no that's terrible". We talked about 5 mins and then she said "oooh guess what, I'm going to JAMAICA".  I was in the WORST moment of my life, feeling like my world was crashing (because it was) and after 3 minutes of "oh what a shame", she started talking about her vacation.  You learn who your friends are.  At the same time, if you think about it, before anyone said the words "you have cancer" to you, did you even know that this feeling of despair and fear existed?  I have felt some fear and some despair but there is no comparison to the feeling when you hear you have cancer.  Thankfully over time it gets so much better.   Some people will step up and be wonderful, not necessarily the people you're expecting.  There are people who surprised the hell out of me!

  • Helen321
    Helen321 Member Posts: 1,460 Member
    #33
    oops

    oops

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