Intimacy after treatment

phrannie51 said:

Nothing is inappropriate here....

and this question has come up before.  All I can say is that is takes a LONG time for the body to heal after treatment....I doubt that sex is going to be a sacrifice....but it may simply be too soon.  Fatigue and low energy plagued me for close to a year....as with everything concerning this disease and the treatment for it, patience is the key....

p

Thanks Phrannie! I feel so selfish! I know my husband and his body have been through hell and back and he's been fighting the fight of his life but I just miss SO much of our life before cancer. There was a lightheartedness to our relationship that no longer seems to exist. I just wanted my husband to know that I still see him as the man I want to be with not as a cancer patient that needs to be taken care of. I hope that time is the answer because it's already taken enough time out of our lives so as it is. You guys have to sacrifice so much to fight the battle for life that it seems so unfair that you have to give up so much to get to that goal. I admire each and every one of you have fought this valiant fight!

fishmanpa said:

Everyone is different

My wife and I enjoyed a very satisfying sex life prior to treatment. That hit a wall about two weeks into treatment. Besides, the doctors recommended abstaining due to chemo treatments. Even so, I was too sick anyway and I had a feeding tube hanging out of my stomach. It was about 4 months after treatment (and after the tube was removed) when things began to work again so there was about a 6 month period where it just wasn't going to happen. Heck, it was close to 5 weeks before I could even sleep in the bed next to her! (I slept in a recliner for close to three months). 

Everyone is different. Recovery in all aspects is based on weeks, months and years... Fortunately for men, there are little helpers when the mind is willing and the body isn't cooperating

Positive thoughts and prayers

"T"

 

 

 

i think i pushed the issue too soon. His last radiation treatment was the first week of September and for the first few weeks after treatment he was suffering a lot of the side effects of treatment you all talk about. In the last two weeks or so he really seems to have turned the corner as side effects go and I just missed the hell out of my husband. I was the one who initiated the intimacy and I realize now that I probably pushed the issue too soon. I just wanted him to know that he's not just a cancer patient I'm taking care of, he's the man I want to be with. The day they take that stupid PEG out and I can hug him and can cuddle up next to him without a mountain of pillows between us will be a small victory!

KB56 said:

getting back to normal

NJMom, I've only seen one other guy comment so I thought I would add my two cents.  I'm 2 years and 4 months out of treatment and my wife and I are back to "normal" and have been for a while but it took time.  

When you're going through treatment and finishing up, you feel about as attractive/sexy as a fish.    I had a tube hanging out of my stomach, had lost 25% of my body weight and wasn't overweight to begin with, had acne/rash everywhere from the chemo, and no mucscle tone whatsoever towards the end. so I'm sure i must have been looking good!      it took time, like everything with cancer, to get back to normal but eventually it did and all is well now.

I saw your note on the passionate kiss, actually that is probably tougher than anything for your husband right now as his saliva glands have been hit hard and he's only been out of treatment for a little over a month.  he was still cooking until late Sept and maybe just now starting to feel human again.    it took me well over a year to get my saliva working again and it's back now but not where it was before all the radiation.    It's hard to have a passionate kiss when you need a sip of water to swallow....

Gettng the tube out is a huge mental lift, at least it was for me.   I needed it but I hated that thing hanging out of my stomach.    Hopefully your husband feels like getting some limited exercise as that is a huge mental (and physical) boost as well.    It's hard at first but the more you do it, the better you feel and the more energy/stamina you get in the process, and that helps you in many ways.    Getting some definition and tone back helps with the "manly" feeling again as well.   

There's no reason to think that you guys won't be back to your old selves at some point but like everything else with this disease, some is mental and some is physical.  they both tend to come back with time and some faster than others.     Maybe once he gets his tube out and you guys feel up to it you could have a weekend away to "celebrate" the completion and recovery process and let nature take it's course in a different environment at a romantic place for a couple of days with just the two of you.

 

Good luck,

Keith

Thanks Keith! I know he's had to make so many sacrifices to win this battle and he says he feels 10 years older than when he started. I just wanted him to know that I didn't only see him as a cancer patient who I've been taking care of and helping for the last several months, but as the man was before this all started. I think I was just a little too soon because he's really been making remarkable progress in recovery when compared to many of the stories and posts I read. You just want so much to go back to the days before all this craziness started and I guess I jus jumped the gun so to speak. We have talked and he knows now that i still see him as a man who I want to be with and I hope with some time and no added pressure from me things will get back to "normal". i"m glad I could be his caregiver or wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere but by his side during this whole thing but I'll be just as happy to go back to being the loving wife who adores her husband!