Laz' 2 Year NED!

lp1964 · October 2015

Yesterday 2 years when they removed my 5x4cm rectal cancer with clear margins. So that is the day I was considered NED. Life has been pretty good: I went back to work over a year ago, I love my work and keep doing the teaching business I started while sitting at home during chemo. Physically and financially I recovered more or less even though this colostomy has been providing me with endless frustration.

Mentally is up and down. Sometimes those questions there are no answer to creep up on me. Why me? Why this way? I'm jellous of healthy-looking people and I say "healthy-looking, because you don't know what they have been dealing with.

I stI'll have know relationship with my 18 year old daughter, but I know she is doing well, applying to the best colleges. My marriages have its challenges when I'm angry and inpatient. A lot of things have changed and have to learn to live with..

My 32 year old friend who was diagnosed with exactly the same cancer one year after me has been dead for month now.

On that note and other reasons, I'm happy to be alive. Hopefully time will help me to heal more.

I owe a lot to all of you, big thanks for that,

Laz

NewHere · October 2015

Good News

I am sorry for the loss of your friend.

It is great to see you are two year NED. All those things (Why me? etc.) I think we all grapple with from time-to-time during this. It seems that as time passes (based on what others say here) it does get better, though due to the nature of cancer it is always going to be in our minds. Thoughts and wishes for continued good health and healing for you.

ron50 · October 2015

Hi Laz

Congratulations on still being here and also for being a functional and active part of society. I have often stated my opinion that surviving survival is not easy. Any one who thinks that nothing changes after a cancer dx hasn't been there. After nearly seventeen years of trying to understand how and why I feel the way I do , I am no closer to understanding. I try to keep my life simple. At 65 going on 66 I am still working. I still live alone. if I cannot understand how I feel how can I explain it to a partner. That is not to say you should not try. You and your wife deserve all the support we can give you. Anger now that is a major destroyer. You are going to have to find a way of earthing it out because it will always be with you if my experience is anything to go by. When it gets you go down to the pet store and watch a bunch of kittens or puppies playing. Natures valium. The other challange you will constantly face is your health.I have had to learn to accept and constantly redefine my capabilities, it is not easy. I am currently facing a crisis. I have severe pain. I was no longer able to take nsaids because of an auto - immune disease of the kidneys thanks to cancer and chemo. I was put on 80 mg daily of oxycodone in a medicine called Targin. I have been on it over 18 months. I have struggled with it . It contains a component that stops opioid induced constipation. It does not work for every one. I have to take two dulcolax and two coloxyl every time I take a targin. The past six months my blood pressure has been fluctuating wildly . One day it is normal , next 180/ 120. My nephrologist said it is from pain . I am suffering opioid induced hyperalgesia. The oxy no longer stops pain , it causes it. I have to go off it. That means 18-20 weeks of slow dose lowering withdrawel. I have spoken to a couple of pharmacists. They both siad i would not enjoy the process, AT ALL. My Neph has put me back on a nsaid to help with the pain . He has to monitor my bloods every fortnight to make sure he doesn't kill me. Surviving survival is not easy. I wish you well for continued survival plus a good measure of health and happiness, Hugs Ron.

hippiechicks · October 2015

Laz, that is fantastic that

Laz, that is fantastic that you are still currently holding on to NED. I know its hard sometimes, but, your NED for 2 years!!! Congrats to that .. hang on to that when those bad thoughts and questions come to mind.

You ask why you? I was told once by someone whom I trust and respect .. "Because you are a good person" .. and they walked away.

I can also attest for the fact that you have been a great help to me and many others here .. so thank you for that.

We watch some go .. we watch some stay .. we just have to live every day to its fullest and our best potential and know there is a plan for us all. Each journey is different .. and I guess that makes us all unique.

Some relationships take time to heal and mend .. 18 is very young, very consumed by self. It is part of the age. Try to remember that, I try to when my own children treat me poorly or don't call or seem to care. I know they are young and living their lives. It is the life cycle. Some are different, but most are consumed with self at that age.

Thank you for all your support.

Trubrit · October 2015

Congratulations!

I remember when you joined us here, and now its two years NED.

I am so very sorry about your friend. So very young!

Be good to yourself. Two years is still a short time and Cancer never leaves us, always present in our minds but hiopefully int he back of your mind at this point.

Of course, the colostomy doesn't help.

I am sure that one day, your daughter will realize how important it is to have a relationship with you, in spite of any damage that has been done in the past. I pray for you, that it is soon, and for her, that it is not too later.

Don't be a stranger.

Sue - Trubrit

JanJan63 · October 2015

I'm delighted for you! Two

I'm delighted for you! Two years NED is a wonderful milestone. I hope I'll have one one of these days.

Sometimes I also wonder 'why me' but then I think about the fact that 47% of people will be diagnosed with cancer and I realize that the odds weren't particlularly in my favour. And, relatively speaking, it could be worse. My brother was diagnosed with esophageal cancer months after my diagnosis and passed away on Easter Sunday. A friend was recently diagnosed with a very aggressive uterine cancer and may only have months to live. She feels fine at this point and had no idea anything was wrong with her.

Jen1988 · October 2015

Congratulation

This is great news. Congratulation, Laz.. may you have many.. Many more...

Easyflip · October 2015

Congratulations

Laz! You and I started on this board at about the same time. There definitely have been some ups and downs but we're still kicking! Thank you for your advice and encouragement. I view this 'second chance' as wake up call to really focus on what's important in life and to let the other stuff go. Think about and appreciate the good things you have going on and gently work on the things you want to change. Why'd we get cancer? I don't know but we can't change it now. Why'd we survive this long? I don't know but why not make the best of it? Stay diligent and in touch. Let's toast to an amazing run from here on out!

Easyflip/Richard

annalexandria · October 2015

Congrats on the two years!

Life post-cancer is not easy. We have to be grateful for our survival, of course, but I find there are still other emotions that bubble up from time to time. I certainly miss my PC (pre-cancer) life. But at least we get to be here to have those feelings, so overall...YAY and may you have many, many more years hanging with NED.

annalexandria · October 2015

ron50 said:
Hi Laz
Congratulations on still being here and also for being a functional and active part of society. I have often stated my opinion that surviving survival is not easy. Any one who thinks that nothing changes after a cancer dx hasn't been there. After nearly seventeen years of trying to understand how and why I feel the way I do , I am no closer to understanding. I try to keep my life simple. At 65 going on 66 I am still working. I still live alone. if I cannot understand how I feel how can I explain it to a partner. That is not to say you should not try. You and your wife deserve all the support we can give you. Anger now that is a major destroyer. You are going to have to find a way of earthing it out because it will always be with you if my experience is anything to go by. When it gets you go down to the pet store and watch a bunch of kittens or puppies playing. Natures valium. The other challange you will constantly face is your health.I have had to learn to accept and constantly redefine my capabilities, it is not easy. I am currently facing a crisis. I have severe pain. I was no longer able to take nsaids because of an auto - immune disease of the kidneys thanks to cancer and chemo. I was put on 80 mg daily of oxycodone in a medicine called Targin. I have been on it over 18 months. I have struggled with it . It contains a component that stops opioid induced constipation. It does not work for every one. I have to take two dulcolax and two coloxyl every time I take a targin. The past six months my blood pressure has been fluctuating wildly . One day it is normal , next 180/ 120. My nephrologist said it is from pain . I am suffering opioid induced hyperalgesia. The oxy no longer stops pain , it causes it. I have to go off it. That means 18-20 weeks of slow dose lowering withdrawel. I have spoken to a couple of pharmacists. They both siad i would not enjoy the process, AT ALL. My Neph has put me back on a nsaid to help with the pain . He has to monitor my bloods every fortnight to make sure he doesn't kill me. Surviving survival is not easy. I wish you well for continued survival plus a good measure of health and happiness, Hugs Ron.

I'm so sorry you're going through all that, Ron...

that's really just too much. Are you able to see a pain management doc? I wonder if they might have any ideas for something other than NSAIDs or the opiates. Those little bas*ards are so helpful in some ways and absolute evil in others. I still take hydrocodone every day for joint problems and would love to stop it all together. Hang in there, dude.

Helen321 · October 2015

Hey Laz, we're in the same

Hey Laz, we're in the same place with the ostomy. I guess this is the bitter, why the hell is this my body, I want my sexy back stage of things. You're a step up from me with marriage, I have to try to date with this thing. One of my friends was kind enough to say "Oh it'll be like looking for a needle in a haystack to find somoene who won't freak out or who will accept you how you are but he's out there". Gee thanks for the vote of confidence. I kind of figured there would be more than one man who would still want me, I have a lot to offer. Anyway, you just can't stop the stupid. So glad to be alive but it's a serious mental struggle some days. The depression is real!

Helen321 · October 2015

ron50 said:
Hi Laz
Congratulations on still being here and also for being a functional and active part of society. I have often stated my opinion that surviving survival is not easy. Any one who thinks that nothing changes after a cancer dx hasn't been there. After nearly seventeen years of trying to understand how and why I feel the way I do , I am no closer to understanding. I try to keep my life simple. At 65 going on 66 I am still working. I still live alone. if I cannot understand how I feel how can I explain it to a partner. That is not to say you should not try. You and your wife deserve all the support we can give you. Anger now that is a major destroyer. You are going to have to find a way of earthing it out because it will always be with you if my experience is anything to go by. When it gets you go down to the pet store and watch a bunch of kittens or puppies playing. Natures valium. The other challange you will constantly face is your health.I have had to learn to accept and constantly redefine my capabilities, it is not easy. I am currently facing a crisis. I have severe pain. I was no longer able to take nsaids because of an auto - immune disease of the kidneys thanks to cancer and chemo. I was put on 80 mg daily of oxycodone in a medicine called Targin. I have been on it over 18 months. I have struggled with it . It contains a component that stops opioid induced constipation. It does not work for every one. I have to take two dulcolax and two coloxyl every time I take a targin. The past six months my blood pressure has been fluctuating wildly . One day it is normal , next 180/ 120. My nephrologist said it is from pain . I am suffering opioid induced hyperalgesia. The oxy no longer stops pain , it causes it. I have to go off it. That means 18-20 weeks of slow dose lowering withdrawel. I have spoken to a couple of pharmacists. They both siad i would not enjoy the process, AT ALL. My Neph has put me back on a nsaid to help with the pain . He has to monitor my bloods every fortnight to make sure he doesn't kill me. Surviving survival is not easy. I wish you well for continued survival plus a good measure of health and happiness, Hugs Ron.

Ron, you've never wanted to

Ron, you've never wanted to be but sorry you're stuck with the title, you're my hero. I am constantly amazed by you. I'm in the same boat as Laz. Ostomies are like cancer, unless you're living it, it is very difficult to understand. Ostomies where you get to keep the anus and rectum are also completely different because at least most of your body is still the same, you just have some replumbing. I would have taken that any day. Surviving survival is not easy. I'm going to add that to my word wall. I'm getting divorced and the other day my friend said "hurt people hurt people". My husband was hurt and yes he sure did hurt everyone over the years. Two slogans in one week that really have me thinking. My doctor said I need to go to counseling both for the divorce and separately for the body changes. She's right because this depression is seriously real!

UncleBuddy · October 2015

Congrats!

2 years NED is awesome news! I'm sorry about the loss of your friend. I pray that your daughter comes around. Maybe once she's older and more mature she will realize what a nice guy you are.

As far as marriage is concerned, it's hard even if you don't have medical issues. I'm sure the medical issues and depression make it that much harder. I think it's great that you're working and looking forward. Maybe talking to a therapist or going to a cancer support group will help? Just suggestions... I have no experience with this aside from my brother, but he's a whole different case because of his mental handicap.

As always, I wish you well. I hope things start looking up for you personally. You deserve it!

Lin

Phil64 · October 2015

Cheers to NED

:-)

Phil64 · October 2015

Cheers to NED

Llife is difficult enough without cancer. And we (the cancer club members) all know that even NED comes along with the anxiety of tests and such. And as Ron has pointed out (something becoming increasingly clear to me) surviving the cure is not an easy road either...

Then again LIFE IS GOOD... My mamma taught me to ALWAYS count your blessings, especially when your in the midst of a storm.

Focusing on the negative surly can't help? i believe focusing on the positives is like sun shining down on a tiny baby plant... A little water (tears?) followed by a healthy dose of radiant sunshine will hopefully lead to a little harvest.

BLESSINGS

---------------

1. NED!!!

2. My wife and family

3. My career

4. Today

Sending you sinsere Love, Light, Prayers, Hugs, Positive Energy, High Five, Beautiful Sunsets, and Radiant Dawns

ps. It's 1:30am my time. I can't sleep due to pain in feet probably related to neurapathy and Erbitux continued treatment. And I need to wake up in four more hours. [smile - lol]